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different Offline
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I Am Worried For a Friend - March 9th 2017, 06:48 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I know this girl (lets call her C), C, She isn't like she used to be anymore. She used to be this all happy cheery life even though her own life sucked. (I am one of her personal friends so that's why I know) She used to be so happy even though she was abused. She lives so many different lives. She has her house life, and her school life, and her personal deep life.

For the last 4-6 months she used to be the life of a party, but that was when she was messin around with this boy. (Call him A). But frequently in the last week she found out A was just using her to get with his girlfriend, lied to her about it, and just faked the time that they spent together. She cared deeply about A. She had a lot of trust and care for him and that doesnt work out well especially what she gone through.

My worriedness comes in right about now, for the last week after she found out she has been more depressed than she normally is, she has been coming to school high, drunk, or both and she has been so numb (like C is limping and just complaining on how numb she is)

C told me she just doesn't feel the same anymore, she wants to put herself in the wack house again, C says it will maybe help her but she is just considering it. She was extremely happy with A, she used to have a motivation for A, but its not like that anymore not since she found out on what he actually had her for.

Im just really worried about C. I don't mind her smoking and drinking but it is starting to become an every day thing. I am worried she might do something she will regret. Is there anything I can do for her?

All advice is appreciated. Thank you!
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Re: I Am Worried For a Friend - March 10th 2017, 12:59 AM

Hi There,

It sounds like you are a great friend and that C is lucky to have you.
I would suggest supporting her and being there for her like it sounds like you have been.
Is there an adult that you can talk to at school and tell them what's been going on with her and that you are concerned for her?
It sounds like she needs help in multiple aspects of her life. Maybe you can help her get that by speaking to someone or having her speak to someone.
It sounds like she is considering putting herself into a psychiatric hospital, if that is what she chooses let her know how brave she is for admitting and getting that help that she needs..

I hope all works out for your friend.
Let me know if you need anything. <3
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Re: I Am Worried For a Friend - March 10th 2017, 07:44 AM

Just be someone she can turn to.

If she wants to talk, listen. Don't try to fix things, it's the listening itself that is the fix. (We're all so accustomed to giving advice, it can be a challenge to just listen attentively and not really try to fix things.)

She can go to a NA (Narcotics Anonymous) group, or possibly there's one for teens, or an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) group, or one for teens.

You may attend a Nar-anon, Al-Anon, Nar-Ateen, Al-Ateen group, since you are someone who knows a person with a drug or alcohol problem.

The magic of these groups is it makes us feel like we're a part of a tribe, where we are accepted by other people who understand us and our problems, because they have the same problems themselves. This helps unconsciously relax the emotional part of our brain. Relaxing is a key to sobriety, and feeling well again.

Spirituality may be another path. Religion can help, if it's positive. (12-step groups talk about a "higher power as you understand it", which is sometimes referred to as "God". It was a hybrid compromise back in the early days of AA, when half of the people wanted less religion, and the other half wanted more. The key though is in the fellowship. People come together, feel connected, feel supported, and they don't want to do drugs or alcohol anymore.)

People use drugs or alcohol to escape. Then they decide to stop. Then they discover they literally can not stop. The emotional brain wants the drugs, and when stressed it will literally shut down the rational part of the brain that has decided not to do drugs anymore, allowing the emotional brain to take control, and the person uses even after they've decided not to anymore.

One good friend they can turn to can make a world of difference. You don't really have to do anything, just be there, listen to her story, listen to her whine, bitch and complain about her life, and understand it's the listening itself that helps.

Experience is the more you try to control her, or tell her what to do, the less helpful you become. You can lay out options before her, and then step back and see if she takes any of them.

Thank you for being a really good friend to her.
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