TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
Music Lover

Outside, huh?
**********
 
_Headphones_'s Avatar
 
Name: Frankie<3
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Lost in the music.

Posts: 4,334
Blog Entries: 28
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Unintentianally trying to kill myself? - March 10th 2017, 05:19 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I think I may be unintentionally trying to kill myself. I have no clue if this makes sense at all.

I am starving myself, and cutting like crazy my whole upper leg is covered in cuts. I am not satisfied, I have cut over cuts and everything. I am just so damn exhausted.

I hit a breaking point two days ago.My grandpa was being an ass like usually and mentally and verbally abusing me. It hit me that I will never be good enough for him. he is always going to resent me, and put me down. I guess it's better than him not speaking to me at all like he does with his daughters.

I have dealt with the abuse from him most of my life. I am so used to it, people may think that I deserve more than that, but I have been kicked down so many times that I truly believe that is what I am worth and deserve.

I honestly don't want to die, but if I happen to end up killing myself on accident, or was told that I have injuries so sever that I more than likely wont live until the next day, I would be relieved.

I feel like I am unintentionally trying to kill myself because I don't give a shit about starving myself, and cutting myself, I just don't care. I am trying to cut deeper and deeper. I push harder and harder but it wont go deeper. Another reason is I know I probably need help but I will not go to the ER on my own. I am going to wait until the cops are called on me or school calls the crisis team and they deam me as a danger to myself before I get the help.

I was talking to Dapples today and I was kind of hinting that I was unsafe and didn't trust myself, and told her the only way I would get help is if someone calls the police. So I think I was kind of hinting I wanted help but IDK.

Does any of this make any sense?
I am going to talk to Britney either tomorrow(friday 3/10/16) or Monday(3/13/17) and see what I want to do. I might let it slip that I am not safe, and wouldn't mind killing myself. Because part of me does want them help, but the other part really wants to stay in school and continue. So I don't fucking now what I am going to do.

It's almost like I am testing people to see who really care enough about me to make the call that I might be a danger to myself, and call someone who can help.

Does any of this make any sense?


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability|
|PM/VM|


   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
del677 Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
del677's Avatar
 

Posts: 516
Join Date: December 28th 2016

Re: Unintentianally trying to kill myself? - March 10th 2017, 07:36 AM

Sorry you are feeling so bad. And sorry your grandpa treats you poorly. (Sounds like even worse than poorly! He must have issues of his own.)

Sounds like a severe depression. Not eating is one symptom. Cutting is definitely another symptom. (For people who don't understand, just say, "Imagine feeling so bad that cutting actually feels good.")

Have you seen a psychiatrist doctor and tried some antidepressant medication? That's really the way to go, from my experience at least. That at least fixed me enough that I could then apply the other fixes, such as meditation, yoga, support groups, etc., things that help fine tune my wellness. But I really need the medication. Whenever I stop it, I go downhill. Then whenever I restart it, my mood slowly improves again until I'm well again.

Oh, and not having a grandpa who yells at you all the time. That can be just downright damaging if you don't have a supportive friend who can counter all that negative talk.

Any doctor can at least get you started on an antidepressant medication. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist. They can refer you to one, and maybe help get you in to see one.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
kill, unintentianally

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.