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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Sithlordmike90 Offline
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Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 7th 2009, 12:43 AM

My girlfriend just broke up with me. This is so shocking its unbelievable. Everything was perfectly fine between us and now out of the blue she tells me she's changed her mind and does not want to continue going out with me. This girl was my whole life. Just before I met her I was at such a low point in life and I had attempted suicide a few times already, horrendous failures but I was in that position none the less. I haven't slept in like 3 days and I don't think I'm going to be able to function like I used to. She's going on a trip with her friend for like a week and a half and she claims she wants to try to make it work out with me as in like try to still go out with me but I've given up hope. There's no chance she will love me like I thought she did, I was stupid to think she did in the first place. I've been trying to quit smoking but in the past like 2 hours I've had just about a whole pack and I don't think I will be able to quit now. I've already considered suicide again but I assured her that I wouldn't now because she's at least trying to make things work. She just doesn't want the guilt of having my death on her shoulder's but right now I don't know if I care. She has hurt me so much and I believe if she could get even the slightest glimpse as to how I'm feeling then maybe she will change before she does it to another person. I know I won't be able to sleep or do anything until I see her again but that wont be for like another 260 hours. It's crazy I know but I can't help it. She's the only one that really cared about me at all and now she's been taken from me. I used to be very religious about a year ago but some stupid shit happened and I lost my connection to "god" and she was beginning to change that until now of course. I don't really know why I'm writing this I guess I figure a semi rant and just get it out there to hear what other people think of my problems might help me a little bit but I don't know. What should I do? I'm not just talking about this like it was a simple infatuation or anything, this girl seriously was my life. She wanted to marry me for a while now and I mean we can't do that yet since I'm only 17 but I really do want to too. Thanks to anyone who had the patience to sit and read this whole thing its kinda a lot I know...
   
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Re: Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 7th 2009, 04:07 AM

Hey there Mike,

I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your girlfriend. And by the way, you don't ever have to apologize for ranting or getting things out or whatever - trust me, I've written near-novels before, so you're quite alright

Break-ups can be really hard. But please don't let one setback in your life start a bunch of others. I know that going through a change in relationship like that can be so stressful - but you can and will get through it, and now you have the chance to at least keep her as a friend while also having the opportunity to find out who else might come to be important in your life.

And remember, you're a major part of your life, too. You get to be happy regardless of others' actions. The things you like to do, hope to accomplish, believe in, stuff like - those are a part of your life, too, along with the people in it. Maybe, instead of looking for a "who" to be happy, look for a "how."

Hang in there, hun. We're here to help getcha through this


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 7th 2009, 05:37 AM

Thanks I don't really know how much experience you've had with similar situations but it's like this relationship was way deeper than anything I've had before. And it's like it's impossible to comprehend why she changed her mind so suddenly. Yesterday she was like totally dead set on her love for me I mean if I had told her lets go to a chapel and be together forever she would have without question but now she doesn't care. Even her mom thinks it's stupid that she's doing this everyone I've talked to is taking my side except her and she can't seem to see the mistake she's making. And I wish that I could still look to stuff for myself but I really do try to be as selfless as possible, maybe it's a bad choice on my part but I let her become everything there is to me because I knew she loved me just as much as I did for her but now it means nothing to her...
   
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Re: Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 8th 2009, 05:48 AM

Ok so a little update for anyone who may have read this, I talked to my ex today. At first it was online and she seemed like it was really going to get better you know. Then I talked to her on the phone around 10:30 our time but she had to go to bed soon because she has a graduation rehearsal in the morning. That didn't really bother me to much but at the same it was like she was trying not to talk to me much at all about anything. Pretty much everything I said to her was making me think that she was lying the entire time online. She doesn't want me to go to her graduation tomorrow or take pictures with her before hand and I'm like freaking out about that. I want your guys opinions please on what you think may be her reasoning for why I shouldn't go. It's like there's only a few reasons I could see, 1. being that she really just would feel uncomfortable from everything that has happened. 2. is that what if maybe this other guy that cheated on me with is going to be there and she doesn't want me to see him. 3. She just really doesn't want to continue the relationship when she gets back and that she was just saying she will try to make sure I won't try to kill myself while she's gone. I don't know anymore. I want to believe her and I want to know she really does love me but I can't tell and I'm getting super depressed about it. Any opinions would be really appreciated before I decide to do something I will probably regret I mean it's like Im so close to just letting it all go and just end my life now but I like to weigh everything out before :/
   
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Re: Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 8th 2009, 06:03 AM

Hi Mike,

take a deep breath, hun. You don't need to do anything. Suicide is a permanent way of dealing with what really is a temporary problem. You have so much to look forward to ahead of you, don't let one person's immature actions keep you from that.

Well, I know that graduation is a really hectic day. There were a few people really close to me who I would have liked to have come to mine, but who I ended up not inviting because I didn't feel like I was going to be able to give them proper attention, and there were already so many other things to keep track of that day. Maybe she's just feeling a little overwhelmed, too. And now you have a reason to hang out with her sometime aftewards, to hear all about it from her.

And please remember, you deserve to be loved. You deserve to be with someone who won't treat your feelings trivially. And you will find that someone - whether things work out with this girl, or if you end up keeping the girl in your life as a friend and find someone else to love and who loves you.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 8th 2009, 06:22 AM

I know it's just like I was talking to my sister about this as well. Seriously this girl is perfect. Now I know I messed up which is why she broke up with me. Today she gave me a list of the things that ended up bothering her to the point where she said enough is enough. I told her that if these things were bothering her she could have and should have told me just to what extent they were because I would have seriously taken them to heart because I really do care about her opinions. Now back on track here it's like I will never find someone to love me as much as she did. It may seem like I'm overreacting but my sister had to agree that it's like yes this girl is everything I want, need, and better than anything I could have hoped for. She's beautiful, considerate, fun, and she was just crazy about me. I'm scared because I cannot lose her, it would really break me. I'm really hoping that she was just doing this to make a big enough impact for me to change the things I really need to change. There are some bad things that I have done and that I do that I need to stop and I probably could use a good kick in the stomach to help me realize my problems but at the same time I wish this wouldn't have been the situation you know? Tell me if I'm wrong but I mean this seems like totally logical, I know I probably am not thinking logically even though it seems like it :/
   
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Re: Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 8th 2009, 06:42 AM

I don't really think anybody's perfect. Sometimes, when we really care about someone, they can seem that way. And it can seem like we'll never find anyone to feel that way about or to be felt that way about by again. But you can. You deserve to with someone who will be upfront with you - about what their feelings are for you, and about what's bothering them. Wonderful relationships don't have to be perfect - working through what's bothering the people in them can end up making the bond between them stronger because they know they can face and solve issues together. I'd maybe say try confronting this girl directly and ask her what's up - though know that sometimes girls don't know precisely what they're thinking, so a vague answer isn't anything to do with you.

Don't worry, hun. Things will work out. Hang in there


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Sithlordmike90 Offline
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Re: Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 8th 2009, 06:46 AM

I'm trying, I really am but I just can't help but let my mind race. It's one of those deals where no matter how hard I try not to think about it I end up thinking about everything more. It's nice to talk to people about it because it's like in the time it takes me to tell them one thing that's on my mind I could have been thinking a thousand other things so talking is just keeping it slowed down ya know? I'm just worried mostly because I know I don't have all the time in the world for her to decide and I hope she makes the right decision soon. Or at least I hope she makes the right decision for me...
   
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Re: Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 8th 2009, 07:00 AM

Yeah, talking to people about stuff is helpful And I've found that writing things out can also have the same effect.

Sometimes, it can also be helpful, to deliberately choose something completely unrelated to think about and keep drawing your thoughts back to that whenever they slip into racing again.

I hope things work out, too. But please know that you get to make the right decisions for you, too, and for your well being, in all your day-to-day things. You get to be good to yourself, too


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Well this is it... (possible triggers idk Im so out of it right now) - June 9th 2009, 02:27 AM

I know that I get to decide things for myself too but at the same time that's not really enough you know? My decisions are great but I need her to make the right decision for me in this situation... It's hard to explain and now it's like I really have no hope left at all. I had a facebook status that said there's like 270 hours left and I doubt I'll make it. She was supposed to call me today early in the morning but she hasn't yet and she hasn't even texted me back or replied to my messages on facebook so it's like weird that she hasn't. All she has technically said to me was when she commented on that status and said, "that's how long I'm going to be gone huh, cool!" All I get from that is she's excited that she won't have to put up with my shit for 270 hours now. I've lost her and I've lost myself so there's nothing left to do but what she fears and what I want to do...
   
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