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Age: 31
Gender: Male
Location: AZ

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Join Date: June 12th 2009

Am i crazy? - June 12th 2009, 09:47 PM

Hi, this is my first post. I am a 21 year old male currently going to be a junior at a public university. i am currently undecided because i have no clue what i want to become.

i used to be in engineering for 3 semesters and then i snapped cuz it was alot of unnecessary work and decided to be undeclared. i had the intention of pursing in actuarial science (its like business with alot of math). For the entire 4th semester, i actually found what i liked and i worked my butt off but towards the end of the semesters, i was told by the department that i was incompetent for this field because of my poor grades. the fact that i was doing really well in my midterms and doing much better than the previous semesters didn show them a sign saying that i am improving alot. i have increased my semester GPA by a .86 and now i dont even know what to do. I am already going to be a junior and i have to declare my major. i have really bad grades so i dont know which department will accept me...

alot of my friends already know what they want to do after college and have internships already. i got nothing, my resume is not impressing besides the amount of work i have accomplished with my fraternity (this is the only thing thats keeping me in school).

I have been suffering from depression for about several years now and i still haven found what is causing this. i have talked to couple of counselors and attended a semester of group therapy and still i cant figure out what is wrong with me. i always compared myself to what i used to be in high school and before i came to America at 15. i always grabbed opportunties whenever possible and i accomplished alot.the fact that i didn have that many friends and didn go out alot helped me to what i wanted to do. when i started college, i wanted to make more friends cuz i hated being so nerdy and not having many friends so all i did was party and got drunk, and yeah i did meet alot of people but i got really bad grades and my depression got worse. it took me 3 semesters to realize that my habits were taking a toll.

now i am trying to put my life back together and become who i was before, but i dont know what to believe know. i started praticing islam again my fourth semester and that helped me to relax but i dun get that much exposure right now cuz i am living with my parents who live in a different state and i dun have any friends here. i dont know where to start making friends. i took a summer course hoping to meet more people but it turned out to be an online course. i have to take this course for graduation.

i dont know what to do with my life. i had so many passions in life but my parents thought it was a complete waste of time and decided to move for 'the american dream'. i kinda wished i was still living back in Singapore cuz i was playing field hockey which i loved for my school and i had someone who cared about me; if i didn moved i would had that girl of my dreams. now i dun really talked to her cuz of the time difference and that i had anger issues which pushed her away. i still think about her after 5 years since i moved, which is kinda sad. i tried going out with girls but it doesn feel the same way as i did with this girl. i dun know if she was the one for me cuz whenever i was with her, the world felt amazing. i think about her every night for the past 5 years. i cant get her out of my mind. its crazy.

i wrote this cuz i felt like doing it. i need someone to talk to. i have way too many friends who are guys and guys dont like talking about feelings.

i think im going crazy.
   
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