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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
sushi_error Offline
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Seeking help... - June 23rd 2009, 01:21 PM

So, I am finally going to seek help for my depression. However, I have not gotten over a huge hurdle yet: telling my parents.

I know for a fact they won't know what hit them and they will flip out since they would never have expected me to be depressed and stuff. I am really worried they won't believe me or just push it aside. How can I get through with them effectively? I don't want to do anything bad to myself, anymore.


Check out my blog: White-Out Blots

How did Mandela get the will to surpass the everyday,
When injustice had him caged and trapped in every way,
How did Ghandi ever withstand the hunger strikes and all,
Didn't do it to gain power or money if I recall,
It's to give; I guess I'll pass it on

- Take a Minute, K'naan
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
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Re: Seeking help... - June 23rd 2009, 02:19 PM

Hi Mai,

it's so amazing that you want to get help! You should be so proud of yourself!

So, I remember when I was first going to ask to see a counselor, I was worried about telling my mom, too. But thankfully, parents don't freak out quite as badly as we anticipate. Advice that my friend gave me was to try to remain calm and straightforward in explaining things to them - someone has to be the rational one in the situation. Maybe think about how you want to say things to them beforehand, write it out or practice it or whatever. You could even try just writing them a letter and have them sit down with you to read it. If they push it aside, try telling them that you're trying to do what's best for you, and as your parents, you need their help in doing that. If you're comfortable with it, sometimes having a friend there who knows what's going on can be helpful - morale support for you, and kind of a sign to your parents that something really is going on. Or, if you've talked to a counselor at school at all, having her/him call your parents can be helpful, too.

Hope that maybe helps some. Good luck!


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Seeking help... - June 23rd 2009, 03:40 PM

Mai-

I want to start off by saying that you should feel very proud of yourself. Telling your parents about your depression is a hurdle, yes, but you've already gotten over the largest hurdle of all - realizing that you need help and actually taking the initiative to get it. Most people don't truly appreciate how much of an accomplishment that really is.

I'm sorry that you're feeling depressed, though. Although it is excellent that you're taking the steps to seek help about your depression, experiencing these feelings aren't nice at all. I'm sure we've all had these feelings before and know they're not fun to deal with. Unfortunately these kinds of things happen and we have to deal with them as they come.

How is your relationship with your parents? I think that your worries echo the worries of the majority of teenagers who need to tell their parents about something like this. Parents can be very ignorant sometimes, which isn't necessarily their fault. When a child tells their parents that they're depressed, it is not unusual for that parent to take complete responsibility for their child's feelings.

Many parents act defensively in a situation like this, and may deny the issue or simply put it aside - exactly what you're worried about. There may be many reasons as to why this is the case but more often than not, it's because they feel like they've failed as a parent. They are the people who brought up up, continue to bring you up and provide for you.

If you're unhappy or depressed for whatever reason, it is almost natural instinct for them to blame themselves - just as a child may blame him/herself for their parents' divorce. Does that make sense?

I think that telling your parents is definitely something you should do. How you do it is up to you. How do you feel comfortable telling them? I can give you a few ideas: some people may feel comfortable talking to one parent at a time, so that may be something you could try. Some people may feel comfortable simply sitting down with both of their parents and tell them at the same time - getting it over with in one shot. Or some people may even feel most comfortable telling their parents via a letter.

Whichever way works best for you and whichever way you feel most comfortable with, go for it. I think you're doing a very brave yet essential thing. I know, without a doubt, this will all work out for you in the long run. I wish you a safe journey to getting over your depression. If you ever need anything, feel free to give me a shout.


SUP BRO.
   
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Re: Seeking help... - June 23rd 2009, 05:52 PM

I think it's absolutely great that you've decided to seek help for your depression. It takes a lot of strength to take that step on your own, and you really should be proud of yourself. Of course telling your parents is going to be hard. But it may not be as hard as you think. When you go to talk to your parents about your decision to get help for your depression, try not to over think what to say. There's not really any right or wrong way to tell them. Just a simple "I haven't been feeling to great emotionally lately, and I've decided that I need to get some help dealing with this." or something along those lines, is just fine. You don't need to give a huge explanation on why you feel depressed, how long you've felt depressed, or anything like that. If you feel like you have a strong relationship with your parents, then by all means, you should feel free to explain as much as you like to them. But it sounds as if you're afraid your parents may not be understanding of your current situation. Therefore I would assume telling them every single thing you've felt while feeling depressed would be a bit over the line.

Even if your parents don't believe you or push you aside, don't give up on this. Get help anyways. You don't need them to approve of you or believe that you are feeling depressed. While telling them is important, sure, what's most important is getting the help you deserve, and I wouldn't let them stand in the way of that, no matter what their reaction may be. Also, after you tell them, I would give them time. They may be hurt or shocked and blame themselves, but over time they should get used to the idea a bit and try to be as understanding as possible. Just as you needed to get used to the idea of getting help, they'll need to get used to the idea that you need help.

It may not be easy, but I know that you can get through this, you seem like a very strong person.
I really hope that your parents take this well :] Best of luck to you. x





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: Seeking help... - June 24th 2009, 08:41 PM

I finally told my parents and I am happy.

Unfortunately, I might have to wait a couple of weeks before I can meet with a therapist. What should I do before then? I really want to speak to someone soon.


Check out my blog: White-Out Blots

How did Mandela get the will to surpass the everyday,
When injustice had him caged and trapped in every way,
How did Ghandi ever withstand the hunger strikes and all,
Didn't do it to gain power or money if I recall,
It's to give; I guess I'll pass it on

- Take a Minute, K'naan

Last edited by sushi_error; June 25th 2009 at 01:42 AM.
   
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Re: Seeking help... - June 25th 2009, 02:30 AM

I'm so happy things are working out for you!!!

Can you try telling your parents that you'd really like to see someone soon, and find some dates coming up that you know they'd be free and ask which one you could start on? That way, instead of asking when and just giving being given a vague time frame, you've given them a choice between times that you're more okay with.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: Seeking help... - June 25th 2009, 07:29 PM

Mai,

You should be incredibly proud of yourself, before you seemed very worried and you overcame that. The hard part of asking for help is over, now you just need to hang on until the time comes for help to arrive. There are many things you can do until you see your therapist. You might want to start blogging on how you feel and maybe decide on showing the therapist? That way, it can give you a good jump start and working ground. Until you can see anyone, keep your eyes on the future and the fact that you will get to speak with someone. Things are changing and you're so close. Try and keep yourself busy and maybe you can discuss things with your parents when you're feeling overwhelmed? For now, just try and hang on. You can do this and you have come so far. Only a little bit further to go, the hard part for you is over, just wait until the therapist can take over. Maybe, if things get really hard, you can call a help-line when you really need someone? We're all here for you Mai and don't think you're alone in anything. If you need anyone to talk or just vent to, I'm only a PM away. :]

-Have hope


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