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-   -   Triggering: so, i'm sad. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-depression-suicide/t19496-so-im-sad/)

toes July 9th 2009 10:06 PM

so, i'm sad.
 
irrelevant: i needed a new forum to use because i was banned from the one i normally use for ridiculous reasons, and i chose this one. woot. so forgive me if i do anything wrong.

today i feel like i want to get sick with a fever or something. so i can just sleep. because everything is hurting me and i really don't want to hear what people say anymore. even if it was completely unintentional people hurt me. people i really love. and this week was going pretty well too, it just took some insensitive words to make me want to hide again, and avoid everyone. i'm really tired of it, you know? i want to stop being so sensitive. it seems like i have been starting to take out how i feel on myself. technically, i'm a self-harmer. i just don't cut. i hit myself, i bruise myself. i did cut a couple of months ago, but i really wasn't even feeling human at that moment. i have actually been considering doing things i know that will harm myself even more. anything that will make me die a little sooner. i'm not really suicidal, like i could never kill myself on impulse, but i frequently get this feeling, like i just want to die. but i don't know if i really want to give up my life or not. but it depends on how worse things get.
don't tell me i need to tell someone. i have told people who are supposed to care, and i regret it.
i'm usually pretty bored, and i know that contributes to my morbid thinking. when i'm not doing something, i am thinking. and it makes me sicker.
i don't know how sick i am. apparently it's just hormones. but medicine for that isn't helping much. anyway, i just feel really down right now because of one thing someone said. which brings me back to hating how sensitive i am, because i am definitely prone to being made fun of.
so, i want to get sick. a cold, the flu. anything that will make it so i'm not even healthy enough to think about these things, and i can just sleep.
i'm afraid i'm going to end up getting worse, because i know right now all of this probably seems so lame. (Content Removed)

words of advice?

Whaaatever July 10th 2009 01:10 AM

Re: so, i'm sad.
 
No advice, my apologies. I feel your pain and that's all can say. Stopping someone that wants to hurt themselves is easier than helping someone that wants to hurt themselves yet refuses to do so. It seems living with the pain is all you can grant yourself, knowing the pain makes you a better person. You'd never want someone to experience the same, yet you can't get rid of it yourself. If you get any proper advice, I'd really love to know myself. Be strong. Good luck. That's all I can give you. q.q


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