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Dream Offline
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I hate myself so much. - September 26th 2009, 07:23 AM

I just need to say this. I really hate myself. I am not a good person. I have not done anything particularly bad. I am extremely lonely, all the time, every day.

It is the story of my life, and it is hell when I think that the only person I have to blame is myself. Because I don't go introduce myself to more people, because I'm not more open, because I don't do whatever it is I am supposed to do, people don't like me as much. I really am afraid though. I don't see how anyone could ever like me.

So people say that I don't deserve anyone or anything unless I can be happy by myself, but I can't do that. It is pointless.

I hate this all so much. There is not point to living when all you do is work or be lonely in your spare time. I'm 19, going on 20, and I am nowhere.

I'm tired of everything. There is nothing that I can do though.

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Katrina Offline
you only live once.
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Re: I hate myself so much. - September 26th 2009, 12:39 PM

Hey there.

Well, I'm sorry you're feeling so low lately. No one deserves to feel like that, you know, and it's not okay that some people do. Please know that you are very important and that your story matters, though, Dream. I feel like some of us just have a predisposition towards loneliness, you know? And we have to work really, really hard to fight it off.

I feel like you should look into joining some sort of something at your school or wherever you are. I recently joined a Cadre (small group) called "Faith and Anxiety," and it's led by our university's counseling center head, and it's really awesome. I joined not because I'm anxious myself, but because I was a very anxious and sad person a few years ago, and I have others in my life who are now, and I want to better understand. Basically, as soon as you walk in the room, you can totally see how everyone in the Cadre is so, so open to everyone and understanding because everyone is or knows someone who is going through something similar. It's a really relaxing environment, and I love it. If your school offers something like this, I highly recommend it. Seriously. (:

Talk to people in your spare time, even if it's people online or at TH or just wherever. I know this seems silly, but you need to know that you're not alone in the world and you're not the only person feeling like you do. Recovery is really difficult if you feel like you don't have people to turn to, but know that you do. [:

You're right, you are nineteen (going on twenty), and you have the rest of your life to live - and a million ways to live it. It's not too late to try to seek professional help or try to change your mindset about life or make new friends or just do whatever. Really, it's not. Promise.

I feel like there's ALWAYS something you can do, but you have to believe that as well. If you give up now, things aren't going to get better. So with that in mind, don't give up! Try to hang in there and make the small things count, I suppose. I'm rooting for you. Take good care of yourself, and best of luck! ^^

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