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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Popo Offline
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Getting a shitty grade because of my depression.. - October 1st 2009, 10:07 PM

(First off, if someone wishes to move this, feel free, I wasn't sure if it should be in depression/suicide or schools and careers)
(Also, apologies about the swearing)
My american lit. class was assigned a writing project a while ago. We had to present what we were writing, which was the first red light to me. I naturally hate presenting, and the past year, I've been fighting depression, so that doesn't really help it.

We had to stick to a particular person's viewpoint, and stick to a scenario of a crash during a thunderstorm. Lucky me, I get the gothic teen's perspective. Second red light.

Oh, and even better, my stupid ass had to go into another depression cycle during this week. Third red light, and sorry, but thanks for playing!
I wrote the stupid thing, and of course I couldn't help but put my feelings into it. Presenting this thing would make me cry.
I nonchalantly put the paper on her desk after the bell rang, but she still asked me to present it. If I don't it's like half the grade of the thing.Now, I'm faced with two decisions.

1: Tell her about my main reason for not presenting (aka, tell her that I'm literally a doctor's visit away from being diagnosed with depression), and risk my parents finding out about my depression (which I NEVER want to happen)
Or
2: Don't tell her, and keep a shitty grade for it.

I want to tell her. But I don't want to risk it.
But I want to get a fair grade, it's not my fault I'm depressed.
I don't know.

Oh, and funny story that completely helped me want to present. (That sentence is drenched in sarcasm, if you couldn't tell)
In economics a few days after the american lit assignment was assigned, I was called on to answer a question. I didn't have the paper done (first time I'd procrastinated this year, my fucking luck), so he waited for me to answer it, with almost everyone in the class watching me. I finished the paper, but I didn't like the examples I gave. I kept waiting, hoping he'd call on someone else, but nope. My classmates' stares got colder and more direct. I just froze up. I couldn't even talk. I was sweating, I started breathing quicker, I wanted to just run out of the room. I actually would have, but I was seated at the farthest seat from the door out. Eventually he called on someone else, but I was still humiliated. That did wonders for my depression.

Oh, and if anyone's wondering, I'm feeling a lot better now thanks to a friend.
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Re: Getting a shitty grade because of my depression.. - October 1st 2009, 10:44 PM

Tell her that you're very emotional on the subject.
You don't have to say you're depressed, just that you're very sensitive to it.
   
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Re: Getting a shitty grade because of my depression.. - October 2nd 2009, 08:37 AM

Talk to her about presenting it another way perhaps? Are you able yo just read it to her personally? I know with these things, sometimes they need to tick that you've fufilled the aural component of it (is that the case with you?) If not you could write her a letter, or tell her something along the lines with "The issues I speak about here impact me greatly, I'm getting help to deal with them but I honestly don't think I can present this to the class without crying or having a panic attack"
   
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Re: Getting a shitty grade because of my depression.. - October 2nd 2009, 06:05 PM

I know you don't want your parents to know EVER when I was going through mine I didn't want my parents to know either, in fact they still have no idea. The problem now is I feel better and I wish I HAD told them. You don't have to feel this way forever, but they'll probably find out somehow. Plus, I think they'd be angrier about a bad grade than they would if they found out you're depressed. However, I obviously don't know them, I'm only comparing to my parents.
   
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Re: Getting a shitty grade because of my depression.. - October 2nd 2009, 08:42 PM

Well, my mother knows that I hate presenting. And I could care less about my "father".
And I've been trying to message the teacher on myspace, but she hasn't been on for a while.

I'd tell her during school, but the teachers there have to report any suicidal/threatening behavior to a counselor, who would then likely tell my parents. Not to mention I can't speak of this in person, it's just too hard for me.
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