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Finaly told my mom I want help... - October 22nd 2009, 02:33 AM

So recently I relapsed a second time after quitting cutting, and my boyfriend broke up with me over it. We were talking, and he said that if I got real help (because he's decided that because he's getting real help and is happy now, he can't deal with my problems anymore) then we might get back together. So, in the midsts of pretty much another panic attack, I ran upstairs and told my mom to get me real help, that I didn't want to talk about it, and went back to the basement where my room is.

This was last night.

Today my mom came down and wanted to talk about it. Long story short, she doesn't want to spend money on a 'bitch session' unless I provide proof that my life is that bad.


Soo... I don't know what to do. I've been denied help, pretty much a second time. Saw it coming to be fair.. my dad is pushing me out of his life and my mom thinks teenagers are supposed to be depressed.. But now my boyfriend will never take me back. I talked to him about this, and he still stands the same. He won't take me back unless I get real, psychiatric help. But I can't... And he knows this... And I'm never going to be happy without meds, I know this. I just do, especially when I can't go to the one person in the world I even half trusted.
He hurt me so bad, but I want him back. I've thrown away my razor cause of him, which was really too hard to do.

Basically what I've decided to do is pretend to even him that I'm fine... So now I'll have absolutly no one to lean on for help. Not even him. God this sucks though.
I don't know what else to do at all.



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Re: Finaly told my mom I want help... - October 22nd 2009, 05:44 PM

That is horrible but please be strong and hang in there. Let me start by saying this: I don't understand your situations fully but your boyfriend is being very selfish. If he has felt the pain you're feeling, and he got help for it and is doing better...He should be helping and supporting you. Now Maybe he thinks he is helping you with tough love and pushing you to get the help..Maybe it would have worked if your parents weren't also selfish..But he should know that you need love and support and does he know how your parents are?

To sum it up, you need to be strong and hang in there, and somehow PROVE to your parents that you need this help. Maybe print out facts of depression and how you can't help it and get her to read it.. I don't know if that is a good idea or not because of your parents but the main point is to hang in there. At the very least this community is here for you. I don't log in that often but if you need to PM me feel free.. I'll try to check for messages regularly
   
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Re: Finaly told my mom I want help... - October 23rd 2009, 01:04 AM

I'm really not sure theres much I can do to convince my parents... This is like, the second time I've tried. And honestly, if you heard some of the things they say about that, you'd be astonished I did it the first time...
My mom works at a pharmacy where people get anti-depressants for their kids all the time and it pisses her off. And again, my dad is pushing me out of his life in every way so... He and I never really get along anyway, my mom and I it's rare but we manage sometimes.

I don't know what to do. As I think I explained before, I keep having stupid extreme mood swings, from really depressed and hopeless, to wanting him back and willing to do anything, to REALLY mad at him for leaving when I needed him most, to.. right now which is basically just.. wanting to forget him completly. I don't really want to date anyone again, but just get him out of my mind. Tis hard, but now that we're not talking it's starting to get a tad easier. Now that I don't have to talk to him. Now if only I had the guts to remove him as a friend on sites like facebook and deviantart. But it'd be saying a big "fuck you" to him and... I don't ALWAYS feel that way...



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Re: Finaly told my mom I want help... - October 23rd 2009, 01:10 AM

i understand how it may feel when you want help and dont really dont have your dad but the thing to do is really talk to an adult that you trust and tell them that you need help or you can look to your friends for help and just tell them that you want to stop and you need there help

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Re: Finaly told my mom I want help... - October 23rd 2009, 04:04 PM

I don't know... I've been talking to people, him mostly, a few other friends, people here, and I never get any better in the long run. Which is why he wants me to get real, professional help so bad like him. We made a pact we'd get it together awhile ago. He got it, I tried and failed. And to him it's really only professional help that counts I guess.


I think my plan is to say goodbye to him when I see him this weekend (we've planned to meet up this weekend and it's basically too late to change it anyway) and just... exactly that. Not really text him anymore, say goodbye completely. We'll see how it goes... He wants to still be friends and he wants me to still trust him but.. I've had so many people lie to me lately that I can't.

I basically don't know what to do. I want him back still so bad but I can't have him because I can't get real help...



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Re: Finaly told my mom I want help... - October 23rd 2009, 08:30 PM

Well I hope everything works out with him one way or another and I DO hope you can get help soon. Remember that there is always someone some where who you can talk to. Including us here.
   
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