TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Oddoneout Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Oddoneout's Avatar
 
Name: Daniel
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: Canada

Posts: 131
Join Date: February 22nd 2009

who am I? - November 12th 2009, 12:35 AM

I know I already have a thread going I just realized that the other one didn't completely convey whats bothering me

I have been relatively ok for a while but I feel weird

I don't fit in and I feel uncomfortable in situations where I am around people but I like being around people, the only time I feel comfortable and in place is alone in my room doing random stuff on my computer in the dark

I don't know who I am

I like people I care about my freinds more then I could have imagined yet I feel like myself when I am alone.


I had wanted to kill myself since before I can remember as a little kid I was alone. I have a theory (it's what I do) when a person is young and developing they learn how things work and the mind is soft malleable

under normal circumstances we learn to socalize, how to act, how to talk to others.

I wasn't in normal circumstances. my sister was disabled unable to ever mature past 7 my parints were defencive of her and atho she is 5 years older then me I had to be the older brother, whenever I showed negative emotions anger sadness envy they lashed out at me. I went to school kindergarden wasn't so bad. grade 1 I learned I was stuped

stuped in the sence I thought logicly and diferint from everyone else in those years being diferint is not a good thing. one thing I know about kids they seek out the weakest proiblby instinct leftover from a more primitive time, physicle abilitys taken mostly out of the equation intelect was the only thing they could judge being diferint i didn't do very well most of the stuff taught in class was writing skills not my streingth so I fell behind I stuck out a weak link, they hated me for it.


it's the way kids are I was unlucky enoguht to be the one chosen as the runt

it was made worse by teachers that saw my streingth in logical thinking they said I was smarter then everyone else but all the evedince pointed in the other direction I distrusted all complements

negative emotions being surpressed at home no posative emotions to be had I became quiet never showing anything just a blank face covering my hate for the world.


time passed my parints got better but I still wouldn't show anger or sadness, I changed schools people stoped picking on me but I stayed quiet I was conditioned to be quiet to be alone no to trust anyone to use shown weakness agenst me. anger and hate repressed stayed it never went away it lost direction just a feeling

highschool came I was scared at first but I reilized I could blend into the background after a bit so I did talking to only a few people. grade 11 I found people I could hang out with a small group I hung out still not saying much I didn't have much to say

sometime in grade 11 I started talking more I made myself look stuped all the time I never learned how to socalize I didn't care anymore being quiet was boring. I didn't like most of the people in the group anyway I just wanted time to pass

in grade 12 I found a few people I could call real freinds still I make myself look stuped even when I was getting good mark in classes most found hard (frustrating that everyone that you want to think you are smart sees you as stuped and the people you don't care about see you as a geneous)


I am incompleat I only fit in when I am alone I am skilled in math sience and computers but nothing else and realy being good at something that few are, isn't much help when you can barly comunicate




this is my last year of highschool I am ment to be alone I should start learning how to be alone insted of trying to condense a childhood of learning into a few months my mind has solidifyed this is what I am


wanna talk?

AIM: oddoneout667
MSN: dancl667@hotmail.com

with or without religion a good person will do good and an evil one will do evil
  Send a message via AIM to Oddoneout Send a message via MSN to Oddoneout  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Katniss♥ Offline
Just A Freak
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Katniss♥'s Avatar
 
Name: Katniss
Gender: Female
Location: District 12, Panem

Posts: 22
Join Date: November 9th 2009

Re: who am I? - November 12th 2009, 01:00 AM

Haha, I'm in my first year of highschool! No matter what my age says :P

I'm trying to find myself to... my identity is currently unknown. But self-isolating is never a good thing. Just try to get involved in all of that.

And by you saying you're alone sounds so solum. You're never alone!

I'm sorry I couldn't help much, but if you ever want to vent or chat, just pom me!


♥ My Chemical Romance ♥

Bob Bryar, you may have quit My Chemical Romance. But the sounds of the drum at the end of Welcome To The Black Parade will echo through our hearts.

♥ Bob Bryar ♥
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Oddoneout Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Oddoneout's Avatar
 
Name: Daniel
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: Canada

Posts: 131
Join Date: February 22nd 2009

Re: who am I? - November 12th 2009, 03:58 AM

no prob thx for replying

I'm just getting stuff out I didn't even know half of what I was going to write when I started typing it just kinda flowed out

I know self isolating is probably unhealthy but I am out of my elemint when I am not alone I feel uncomfortable awkward ect. I just think I might be better off alone I don't understand people I realy don't.


wanna talk?

AIM: oddoneout667
MSN: dancl667@hotmail.com

with or without religion a good person will do good and an evil one will do evil
  Send a message via AIM to Oddoneout Send a message via MSN to Oddoneout  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Flawed Poet Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Flawed Poet's Avatar
 
Gender: Male

Posts: 41
Join Date: November 12th 2009

Re: who am I? - November 12th 2009, 11:14 AM

Well I can definitely hear what you are saying with all of the school stuff, I went to a therapeutic boarding school and it really helped, but at the same time showed me how obnoxious being at my old private ivy League school was, and how intolerant people can be. I always get made to be the odd one out because I have different ways of thinking of things and don't go about it the conventional way that gets taught. It can really ostracize you and make you feel like well you are destined for loneliness. However it's no coincidence that there are many people who have turned those differences into ways for them to stand out and make a difference. And quite frankly who wants to be part of the rat pack. Yes it can feel weird around friends and social situations and make you feel left out but I promise, and I know that high school is NOT the time that people like us would "shine". That comes later when the immaturity of others and the ability for them to appreciate what people can bring to the table comes along. But kudos to you for being able to have the self awareness to bring all of your emotions out here like this.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
pandally2panda Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
pandally2panda's Avatar
 
Age: 25

Posts: 2
Join Date: November 13th 2009

Re: who am I? - November 13th 2009, 12:28 AM

Wow, sounds like you have a tough life...i kinda understand how you feel, i mean, i feel so awkward socializing but i really want to be able to talk to people and have friends who like me. but my theory is that when i was little , well, now too, my father vents his anger on me by yelling at me constantly, slowly, i grew very self protective, i only try to talk to people who i know won't criticize me or embarrass me. so it's like, if you put me in a situation where i'm surrounded by a bunch of people that i don't know, i would develop a very protective shell around me. and it's a really hard habit to break but i'm trying at it
yeah, sometimes i also feel like i was meant to be alone...well, i hope you'll find something or someone that helps...cuz, as cheesy as it sounds, i feel that there's nothing unachievable if you persist...i mean, that's how i feel, doesn't mean u have to believe it but i hope you do.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.