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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Pine Offline
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What is this feeling.. - January 28th 2010, 05:10 AM

I can't even describe it much anymore.

I don't know exactly where to start. I don't know if just feeling down, or it could be something else. I feel...depressed? Everything feels so out of reach and hidden. Like I can't exactly touch the emotions I know I have without doubts eating away at me.

I am bisexual (maybe pan?) and have a girlfriend who lives across the country.

I would give anything to see her. But lately, I've been having these...doubts and things that forbid me from feeling happy around her. She makes me smile. I'm pretty sure, after all we've been through I'm in love with her. Yet every time I think of something good, bad ideas get in my way of happiness.

I would be scared that I'm losing interest in her..and that being my problem but no, that doesn't seem to be it. >< This is happening with just her.

One of my best friends (...or best friend) recently was totally found out by her parents and put in counseling. She cut herself months and months ago, and regret it. She fully put that behind her. She's happy, with a girlfriend of her own. (long distance like me..heh) She was perfectly normal, happy and healthy until her parents took away everything. They found out, and I know they only care about her, but they're ruining her life but shunning her and thinking she needs to be "fixed".

I KNOW her. She's a wonderful person. Her life is crumbling and no one can anything about it.

Also, no one knows about my sexuality in RL. I just...want to spill everything to someone so badly. I can't speak. I don't consider my friends in RL true friends. I found out what true friends are. Except the people I see physically everyday aren't them. My "best friend" in RL makes me feel uncomfortable about everything we do.

I'm all the time...all I want to do when I come home from school is take a nap. Sometimes I do.

I've felt upset and hurt before. I know what it's like. But this feeling... it's so much different. I feel suppressed and can't exactly describe it. And I'm a person that's kind of quick to complain..and I want to talk about it with someone, but I just can't. Don't ask me why, I'm just scared. I want to talk to my girlfriend. But I don't want to seem like I'm asking for attention. >> But this feeling is...sdnsdfkjn I feel trapped, and I don't know why. I feel like everything good is being eaten up by the bad thoughts.

can someone help me..?


you said if you could fly you'd never come back down.
--

just you and i defying gravity
they'll never bring us down.

(i want to defy those chances with you)
   
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thisiscourtney Offline
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Re: What is this feeling.. - January 28th 2010, 09:51 AM

Your most likely depressed, but I have ideas about the other feeling. Could it possibly be emptiness, hiding, or just blank? It's common for those with depression to feel emotionless at times and especially negative, as you seem to be feeling about your relationship. I suggest opening up to your girlfriend. If she loves you, she'll totally understand that you need someone to vent to.

As for your best friend, are the first best friend and "best friend" that you mention next the same person? I'm guessing not, because one you describe as wonderful and the other as making you feel uncomfortable. I don't know, but you should talk to the good one. Let her know that you're there for her and tell her about your situation (if she doesn't already know). Like your girlfriend, if she's worth it, she won't judge.

Is it your keeping to yourself that's making you depressed? Think of what's really bugging you and try your hardest to work on that. You should talk to a counselor if you truly feel that you can't talk to anyone else. Reach out for help because really, you're worth it. You will find happiness one day. You can PM me if you want to talk. I'll always be willing.


Waitin' for my ruca.
   
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Pine Offline
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Re: What is this feeling.. - January 29th 2010, 01:01 AM

Eh, it's just...really odd. It's not being specifically upset or anything.. it's just like I can feel the emotions, but they're not there. It's like I'm trapped or everything is just dull and surrounded with emptiness with doubts.

If that made any sense at all >< I'm just doubting myself with everything.. everything that I KNOW is true and I'm scaring myself into it being true.

/confusing

But no, they're not. My best friend in RL I've known for a long time, and our personalities don't mix that well. We never have. But we've been good friends for awhile and now I just feel...eh around her and uncomfortable.

But for my other friend (the one with all the problems) I'm really worried about her. .__.; I want her to be okay..

I was thinking some of these feelings might be coming from the long distance relationship I'm in. It's hard never seeing each other, but we know that's the only way. I guess I feel a bit lonely? I just want to be with her and hug her and everything...


you said if you could fly you'd never come back down.
--

just you and i defying gravity
they'll never bring us down.

(i want to defy those chances with you)
   
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