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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
fullofsecrets Offline
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Name: Kristin
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Considering Suicide - January 28th 2010, 11:13 PM

Reasons:

1. I got into a relationship with a friend I knew for about a year. We were dating for six months. We were really close, we were each others firsts, but his grades were declining (he's a sophomore in college, I'm a freshman) and he broke up with me and then started playing games with me, eg. telling me he wanted to see me and then telling me to get lost. He started getting emotionally/verbally abusive and then got physically abusive. Public Safety got involved but he lied to PS and told them that I initiated the fight by hurting him first and now I have a hearing. They blocked off all contact between us, but I still think about him all the time and I still seem him because his dorm is across from mine.

2. I'm being told that he never really loved me and that is was all just a front to get me to fall for him. He was the perfect person, the one I've always wanted to be with, and he was always so good to me but the counselors are insisting that he was always abusive, that it was just a guise, and then I'm "irrational" and "stupid" for still missing him and wanting him.

3. One of my guy friends has been recently getting into bed with me and kissing me (he's a HORRIBLE kisser because my bf was a really amazing kisser and this guy is NOT) I also am not interested in him, but he has a car and I have a rare intestinal disorder so I need to go to the hospital often and he can drive me there and he won't if we are "just friends." He's taking me to a concert next Friday, which I want to go to, just not with him. I'm just not interested in him, at all, and I feel really uncomfortable around him because he keeps asking me for sex.

4. I'm failing my classes. I used to be a straight A student, now I'm not. I have a 51 average in my Psychology class and PS told me to explain to my teacher what was happening so he would give me extra credit, but my Psych teacher was pretty blunt and said basically that it wasn't his problem and told me to go to the counseling center and withdraw. My parents, who are paying for my tuition and boarding, told me that I CANNOT withdraw, even though it will take me off of Dean's List which they don't want to happen. They're telling me I NEED to stay on Dean's List (so I'd have to withdraw) but they're telling me that I CAN'T withdraw (I won't be on the Dean's list). It's really complicated.

5. I have no friends. I grew up in an emotionally/verbally abusive household and having friends was not allowed so I never learned to have any. There's people I see from time to time, but I have no real FRIENDS to hang out with so I am often alone.

6. I have been struggling with self-mutilation for about seven years now and I received counseling and I thought it was getting better, but now the urge is much more than I can take. On New Years, my boyfriend was kissing me at my parent's house, telling me how much he loved me and was so much looking forward to spending this year with me, and the night of January 3, he broke up with me and he has not been the same person since.

7. I have a rare intestinal disorder that puts me into an extreme amount of pain whenever I undergo stress, which I have been. This extreme amount of pain has made it very difficulty to concentrate on classes, and even get out of bed to go to my counselors, doctors, or classes. I just really can't take this pain, and they don't even know what is wrong with me to prescribe any medication.

This is a long post and I doubt that anyone will really take the time to read through it all and respond to my situation, or they'll probably just look at the subject and post with the number for a suicide hotline. I've tried those before, and it doesn't help me.

Thank you to those who have read through and try to provide feedback, my appreciation cannot be expressed into words. For everyone else, I will just be another corpse whose life was washed away in the river of despair.



   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Heartbreak Kid Offline
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Re: Considering Suicide - January 29th 2010, 01:13 AM

okay, well i completely understand why you are feeling the way you do, anyone would in that situation, i'll try and help best i can with each situation, sorry if its not a great help, but i will do my best

1. I can understand why he wanted to break up the relationship, but it is no excuse to play games, and you have to fight and make sure that PS know that you are not lying. Don't give up and let him win

2. I don't think your 'stupid' or 'irrational' for still missing him, i think its because you can't get your head around why he's changed so much. Maybe they are right about him always being abusive, but just not in a physical way, love can be blind.

3. You have to tell someone about him, he can't treat girls like that, i know he take you the hospital, but there is different ways you can get there, may ask the hospital about transport? him treating you that way wont help how you are feeling

4. You should try and get PS to talk to your Psych teacher about the situation, i don't know what 'Dean's List' is, but don't be influenced by your parents or psych teacher, if you want to withdraw, then withdraw, if not, don't .

5. I can understand why you've refrained from making friends if you grew up like that, but i'm sure there is people who want to be friends with you, and if you let them into your life, then im sure they would help

6. Either your boyfriend ment exactly what he said new year and his feelings just changed (believe me that can happen) or he didn't mean it and for some reason lied :/. which ever way, its in the past, and i know it is gonna be really hard to forget about it, totally understand but try and not dwell on the past

7. All of the above is not helping your condition, and although i don't have the same condition, i do understand what its like to have the illness made worse by stress and the doctors not knowing what is wrong, but you do need to try and relieve as much stress as possible, it will make everything better

Hang in there, suicide isn't the answer, you've got your whole life ahead of you, as much as it seems bad at the moment, it will get better everything does!

If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me

Hope this helped xx <3
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Pine Offline
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Re: Considering Suicide - January 29th 2010, 01:20 AM

I'm sorry you're going through things like this, but please, suicide by all means is not the answer.

It sounds like you're lonely. By having a nasty breakup with your boyfriend, failing your classes and having no friends, it's just so lonely, isn't it?

Well trust me on the fact that you're not alone. You may seem like it, like no one around you is your friend, but people care more than you think. All your classmates do care. If they randomly see you gone one day, they'll notice. The school will notice. Your roommate (I'm assuming you have one?) will. People care more than you let on.

There's tons of people who care on here. <3 Online..everyone. You're never alone in this world. Someone does care, no matter what you will think. Even your parents, who you said aren't the best, but really will help you.

Please don't kill yourself. You're too beautiful for that. You can always PM me or we can set up contact if you need someone to talk to.


you said if you could fly you'd never come back down.
--

just you and i defying gravity
they'll never bring us down.

(i want to defy those chances with you)
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Jacksonian Offline
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Re: Considering Suicide - January 31st 2010, 09:04 PM

Hey there, my username is Jacksonian.

Here is my input into the situation you are facing :

1-Just tell the truth. Don't worry about it and don't be afraid, just tell the truth and let this guy go his way.

2-Concerning that guy, perhaps you should let him be. But this is your decision. If you think you want to give him another chance then go for it, however if he shows no interest but just wants to take advantage of you, leave him be. However, did you like him because of his looks or his character ? If it was his looks then forget him. But if you liked his character also and just liked him in general then decide what you want tod do, whatever your decision make sure you take care from being hurt by him.

3-Don't stay friends with that guy Forget him and go on your way. Don't stay with him because you need to get to the hospital quick. You aren't interested in him and he is not a good friend for blackmailing you. You will get into worse trouble if you continue on this path with him.

4-Put more effort into reclaiming your grades. Do the best that you can on your part and be patient with the progress.

5-Start making acquaintances. And then later on as you get to know them better you can decide if you want to hang out with them/her/him whoever he is/she is/they are.

6-This issue of self-mutilation will certainly take a longer time. And you never know how long personal battles will last. So this one you just have tp be patient and do the best you can.

7-The disorder issue : Prevent yourself from tolerating any stress. Do you have something which makes you happy anytime, anyday, anywhere ? If not find something so that whenever you think of it, the stress won't overwhelm you and you will be fine. But also don't allow stress to worry you. Worrying feeds stress and stress feeds worrying, take care of one and the other automatically disappears.

Hope this helps, any questions, let me know and if i offended you forgive me.

PS ; Do your best to go on with your life. Stress works by grounding you to one spot and then making you constantly suffer on that spot. But if you keep moving and not tolerating it(By not letting your mind think about it), it fades away.

Last edited by Jacksonian; January 31st 2010 at 09:05 PM. Reason: addition
   
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