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Beemorriscats Offline
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Thinking about Suicide? - January 30th 2010, 07:47 AM

24 hours ago, Toby put a gun to his head and shot himself. Toby and I have gone to school together for six years now, we've been in the same homeroom that entire time, and we were supposed to be walking across the stage for graduation in 4 months.

I went through a very rough patch myself, and I've been to the point of being so suicidal that you think that nobody will care, your family and close friends will cry for a little while but they'll get over it... Everyone will get over it. Right?

That's complete crap.

Let me tell you about what happened when we all found out at school today that Toby had taken his life:
First period consisted of a group of staff walking from class to class, announcing Toby's death. They said he had "passed away" - not wanting to tell us that it was suicide. They encouraged us to go to the guidance office for counseling.

When the bell rang for the end of first period, everybody shuffled out into the halls.... and it was completely silent. There was the occasional short conversation, but only about Toby, and only in whispers. There are about 350ish kids per grade in my high school of 10th, 11th, and 12th grade. Roughly 1,000 students, all in the same building, and yet completely silent.

Generally, Toby's closest friends went to the guidance office as soon as they found out. Passing by, it was just one big group of crying teenagers. Most people made it through second period, but by third a lot of the senior class was gathering in varying places... After third period, I abandoned even attempting to go to class, and I joined the throngs of students who were milling around in the halls, crying and hugging each other. Someone grabbed a sharpie and everybody just started signing his locker door. When we ran out of space there, huge sheets of paper were taped to the walls and everybody continued writing memories, scripture, or notes to Toby.

Walking through the halls today, you could tell who had come in contact with Toby. Even the people who had never talked to him, had just seen him or heard him, they all had the same dead look in their eyes, and the same expression - a mixture of shock and sadness.

Many of the kids I hugged today while they cried didn't know Toby well. They barely knew him.
Suicide touches everyone.

Today, while walking through the halls, I saw more than a few kids just walk off to the side of the hall, slump down, and just start crying.

Of my graduating class of 300 students, less than 50 were really close with Toby.
There was well over 300 kids crying today.
Almost every senior, a lot of juniors, and a good handful of sophomores.

Do you think your death won't matter? Toby thought that. And he was wrong. So, so wrong.
Being on this side of suicide is life changing. The effects are completely devastating. And it's never, never worth it.

It's strange here without you, Toby.

Faith is that thing inside that you hold on to until help arrives.
-James Earl Jones

Last edited by Beemorriscats; January 30th 2010 at 08:47 PM.
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Re: Thinking about Suicide? - January 30th 2010, 04:53 PM

I know exactly how you feel. two days ago my cousin Tre Steele hung himself in the bathroom at his dads house. it hurts because I always thought it would be me.

Every morning I wake up and reach for the phone and I actually call him to say goodmorning jus to be reminded that he's never gonna pick up that phone again. Tre was so funny if you heard laughing it usually was coming from someone laughing at what tr was saying. now every morning I cry every evening i cry and I cry myself to sleep every night. two days seems like forever with out him in it. We were both clinicly depressed bu he seemed to be dealing so well. he used to always tell me that as long as theres someone crying at your funeral theres a reason to live.he must not have known then that theres alot of people from detroit all the way to westland giving him reasons to live right now.

I used to be the one comtemplating Suicide but after tre I know how much pain it is on the other side. Suicide isnt the answer anymore for me im gonna live for him now. he was only 16 he wasnt done yet.

This is a picture of Tre and his son who will also miss him

As long as theres a person crying at your funeral theres a reason to live...

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Re: Thinking about Suicide? - February 1st 2010, 07:02 AM

The entire point of me posting this is that I hope that this will make even just one person think twice. The pain that I've witnessed in the past 72 hours has been the most sobering experience of my life.

This has made me truly realize the effects suicide has, firsthand. They're absolutely devastating. And it's never, never worth it. Everything changes, everything keeps moving, no matter what is going on. Your situation will change. It will become more bearable. You just have to stick it out.

Faith is that thing inside that you hold on to until help arrives.
-James Earl Jones
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