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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Feeling suicidal :( - February 7th 2010, 07:38 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel like such an idiot posting something like this on some random forum but I dunno... I just don't know. I don't know what to do :/

I'm broken hearted over two girls at the same time. How the fuck does that even work? One's my ex. She liked me for 2 years before we went out and I let myself get really close to her 'cause I couldn't really see it ever ending but it did and I dunno. I think I must be emotionally unstable. Since then I've been depressed like, all the time and that was like a year ago.

Then there was the other girl who I thought was the answer to my problems 'cause she made me feel... well... happy and I was just so happy that I had her. But I didn't have her, she only let me think I did. And that went to the shit too and I felt even worse.

I don't understand why I felt so attached to these two people and why I feel so depressed now. I'm only 16 I shouldn't be emotionally capable of feeling anything like this. It seems like everyone else is enjoying living their life but for me every day is a struggle. Friends who I thought were friends have turned their backs on me and just laughed and gossiped about how I'm "weird" ('cause I feel so strongly about these two girls and shit).

And the only friends I have left (I never had many in the first place 'cause most of the school used to bully me either for being a geek or for having long hair or for both or just for something to do :/) I don't want to risk talking to in case they think I'm "weird" and "creepy" like anyone else I've spoken to about it thinks. Besides, most of the friends I have now just do weed on the weekends and 'cause I'm really against it I don't really want to hang around with them.

And it's not even just that. My band is starting to really get on my nerves and I might just leave. The singer doesn't want me writing songs anymore 'cause apparently they're not good enough for her and the rest of the band just want me to play simple, unchallenging stuff which just isn't what I want to do 'cause it's not fun but no-one even seems to care about what I want.

In short, I'm feeling pretty fucking suicidal. It took an awful lot of will power not to just stab myself with the kitchen knife while I was making sandwiches.

What's the point in living if I have to live in all this depression? I'm so lonely, so unwanted. After death there would be.. just nothing. Nothing must be better than this. It must be. I feel like shit.

Again I don't even know why I'm posting this but everything is just mounting up and I have to tell SOMEONE about it

Last edited by Whisperer; February 7th 2010 at 08:48 PM. Reason: marked as triggering
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Re: Feeling suicidal :( - February 7th 2010, 07:53 PM

It's not weird at all to be heart broken over two girls. It actually sounds normal to me. I know plenty of people who have gone through and are going through the same thing including myself. Although my own story is slightly different, however it has the same basis as in I'm heart broken by two different guys and feeling it's full effects. A lot of people, such as the ones they are making fun of you, probably aren't very in tune with their own emotions. It's not their fault that they don't understand, they probably don't even understand themselves, but then again who does? What is their fault is that they're making fun of you. That's just really low, and it's their problem if they don't like you, not yours.

You should tell these few friends. It's almost like a test. True friends will be there for you no matter how strange you are, even though it doesn't sound like you are. Being a geek is something to be proud of. It means your intellegent and you'll get far in life, when they will be the ones to fail. Anyways, my friends all know I'm a weirdo and won't hesitate to tell me that, but they're still my friends and they don't care that I'm weird. Not to say that's a lot of people who are accepting of it, but true friends are. They're okay with that and they're weird in their own way too. It makes life more interesting and more fun. If they're your true friends they will at least be accepting of you. If they're not, then they're not worth your time.

It's difficult living day to day feeling so incredibly low and constantly contemplating suicide. It can be so tempting to slip away and no longer have to deal with such unbarable pressures. But they say suicide is a perminant solution to a temporary problem. You are still young, and there will be many more girls coming your way, you just have to be paitent. Only time can heal wounds, nothing else. Give it time and the pain will gradually fade away. It may even get worse before it gets better. You can't expect it to vanish overnight. That's not the way it works. Take everything one step and a time and it will get better. You have many years ahead of you, and you don't want to miss out. Don't dwell over people that aren't worth it, when you may meet the one who is soon. Keep your mind and your heart open. The harder and longer you search for the right person, the more you will love her too. It just means you have that much more to look forward too. Going through all of this will help you to appriate everything that much more when the good comes around, and it will come. It always comes to those who keep trying and don't give up.

Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

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Re: Feeling suicidal :( - February 7th 2010, 08:20 PM

I know exactly how you feel. Honestly, being this heart broken over someone to the point where you feel depressed isn't "weird", it actually means that you are a lot more loving than most people are. And it means that when you date girls, you do it because you actually care about them. I don't know why people see that as a bad thing, that's actually the greatest thing you can ask for in a guy. And let me tell you, just because you are considered "weird" at school, does not mean anything at all. In school, "different" automatically equals "weird". It's horrible. I have a friend who is the nicest, prettiest, funniest, happiest person who I've ever met, and she is still an outcast at school just because she talks a lot about religion and doesn't want to be like everyone else! Quite honestly, you're probably going to turn out a lot better than most of the people at your school, whether they make you feel that way or not.

It's great that you can be yourself despite what anyone else thinks. I would suggest trying to find a youth group or support group, or somewhere where a lot of people are in the same situation as you. I recently joined a youth group at a local church, and it's helped me a lot. I know that right now it feels like nothing matters and nothing is interesting or worth it any more, and that it won't get better. But it WILL, that's just the depression talking. It's really hard, but it can be overcome.

Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. I can't promise that I'll have exact answers, but being the same age and in a very very similar situation, I can understand what you're feeling.
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