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Ella.x Offline
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I'm so lost - February 11th 2010, 12:09 AM

I don't know what to do. I feel so lonely and hopleless. My flatmate just told me that she worries about me. I feel like I need to be a bitch to her and sever all ties with her because she shouldn't worry about me. I'm sick of ruining other peoples lives. I toy with people's emotions. I try not to. I really do, but i still do it. I crave love so badly, but I won't allow myself to have it. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve anything good. I want to die so badly. I dont know what to do... someone please help me?
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Re: I'm so lost - February 11th 2010, 12:36 AM

Hey there Ella,

Firstly, I want to say that you do deserve love. Every single person in this world deserves to be loved and you are definitely no different. I know sometimes it feels like it would be better to be dead but please keep hanging on because this life has so much more to offer you. You may be experiencing difficult times at the moment but in the end things will get better and you will be so grateful that you hung on.

Now, given the fact that your roommate notices something is going on with you, why don't you talk to her? I know what it feels like to feel like a burden to others but if you want my honest opinion I don't think that your flatmate would have mentioned her concern if she thought you were a burden. So, please try talking to her, okay?

I know that going through things like this alone is really hard and that is why, if you can, you should try and build up a support network. First start off with your friend and go from there.

I also suggest that you consider seeing a professional. I know that is extremely scary but they can help. They are very objective, caring and they want to see you get better. They can help you figure out what tools would best help you make it through all of this.

Ella, I am going to give you two links that I think might help you.

The first link is Reasons to Live. I know that this has a lot of different people's reason why they keep on going. Maybe reading it will help you see all the joy that life has to offer. Also, after you read it you should consider making your own reasons to live list.

The next link is Hold On (To Hope) NEW. If you like music this is the link for you. This lists a bunch of different songs that have given people hope and have helped people keep on fighting.

Ella, please hang in there and know that this life can and will get better. If you ever need anything feel free to pm me.


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Ella.x Offline
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Re: I'm so lost - February 11th 2010, 12:40 AM

I see a psychiatrist every 8 weeks, my doctor every 2 weeks and a councillor to do CBT every week. It's not working though. I want to give up. I'm sick of trying. I'm sick of pretending to be okay every day. I just want to disappear
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Re: I'm so lost - February 12th 2010, 01:03 AM

Hey Ella,
That's great you have so many people to help you through what you are going through. If what you are doing now isn't helping you feel better, change it. Tell someone it's not working and you need more to feel better. Going to all the appointments is useless if you're not getting anything out of it so keep trying. You don't have to pretend it's okay. Let people know you don't feel like it is. Tell people you know you don't feel you can do it anymore. Because once you tell them, they will help you. Sometimes the hardest part is reaching out and then you have a whole team of people working to help you feel better. You do deserve good things and you deserve to live a happy life. Keep on fighting, you'll get through this.


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If I can make it out, you can too.
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