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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Sodapop Offline
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close call. - February 23rd 2010, 05:44 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

today i told my therapist that i have been honestly considering acquiring a gun and shooting myself and she almost admitted me to the hospital. but i said i had no desire to actually go through with it and besides, i have no access to any firearms in the first place, although i am certain that would be my suicide method of choice due to its high success rate. i attempted suicide by overdose last month and merely woke up in an institution.

my boyfriend broke up with me last month and he thinks i'm psychotic and wants nothing to do with me. it bothers me that no one realizes how badly i need him, to the point of this being a life-or-death situation. without him i know i will not survive long. it has been a month and i feel horrible. it's almost like everyone is trying so hard to get me back on my feet but i am just getting closer and closer to self destruction as each day passes and my ex doesn't even know because he refuses to talk to me.

i need him very very badly and absolutely no one cares. i am so tired of the "tough love" bull that everyone throws at me day after day. i've hit rock bottom and there is absolutely no way out. i don't care what logic or rationality people claim, only i know what is going on inside my head and i know that i simply cannot live without him.

i wish people would understand, i wish they would take me seriously.


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Re: close call. - February 23rd 2010, 10:47 AM

i completly understand with your boyfriend...i have the same except with my best friend..im not allowed to see her cos my mum hates her but i literally cant live without her, it is horrible! no-one understands or cares about it cos they go along with my mum. i feel for you cos i know how much it hurts, and i dont want to live either.
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Re: close call. - February 23rd 2010, 10:52 AM

Hey Soda,

Well done for posting, it's a hard thing to do but it also shows you want help.

Is there anyone you can get to talk to him to explain how you feel? He may not get back with you though. He may have been "scared" off because he didn't fully understand how you were feeling.

Have you thought, maybe being in hospital would be a good idea? If he can see you are getting help he may be more willing to talk to you. Also, it would keep you safe until you feel safer.

Keep posting how you are feeling, it is good to get things off your chest. Also have you considered writing a blog? That can be a good way to clear your head and get everything out.

Sweetheart, there is always a way out of it, just because you haven't found it yet or someone hasn't shown it you - there still is one. Keep hoping and it will come, things won't be like this forever.

Keep strong and PM me if you ever need anything,
Take care <3
   
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Re: close call. - February 24th 2010, 11:55 PM

You know what? I think you were incredibly brave and strong to admit how you felt to your psychiatrist. It must have taken a lot of guts to be so honest and it's very admirable that you could do that. Why do you think you shared that with your psychiatrist? I think it's because a part of you is holding on, because a part of you is strong. Part of you knows there's something worth being here for. Hold on to that part of yourself, build on it.

And losing your boyfriend must have been tough. In fact losing someone you love is probably one of the toughest trials in life. But you're still here aren't you? Sure you feel very depressed and alone. I understand that you're on the edge. But you're still here. That speaks volumes. You're coping. Maybe you're not coping well. Not coping as much as others might. But you ARE coping and you have to believe that. Otherwise you wouldn't be here would you? I won't say it will get easier because I can't promise that. What I can say is that you're so much better than a man who wouldn't stick with during a tough period in your life. When you needed him most he bailed.

Sometimes when we love someone, we tell ourselves that they're good people and that we're to blame for losing them because if we were honest with ourselves, it would break our hearts. It's NOT you. It IS him.

Continue to be strong and to display the strength youv'e already shown.
   
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Re: close call. - March 1st 2010, 02:53 AM

thanks so much for the advice, guys. reading your responses really make me feel better, even if it's only temporary.

i'm so terrified to have someone talk to him for me. i definitely don't want him to feel smothered. i just want him back, that's all.

the last time i was in the hospital, he was meaner than ever when i got out. i think that being admitted again would just piss him off more.

i still miss him desperately. everyday is such a struggle. i can barely get out of bed, i can't eat, and i always dream about him. it's torture.


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Re: close call. - March 2nd 2010, 07:31 PM

Don't worry, it's what we're here for

Could you try and give him some space for a while, then approach him? A couple of weeks or a month or something? I think you must talk to someone, and perhaps hospital is the best place? They can care for you and make sure you are safe whilst you stay there. If he is meaner when you get out, perhaps he isn't the best person for you? You deserve someone nice and caring, someone who values you and treats you with respect. Not someone like him. I know it will be hard to get over him, but time will sort that out.

Take care.
Anna
   
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