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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Ella.x Offline
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I want to die - March 2nd 2010, 12:21 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

When I'm out with my friends, when I'm on my own, when I'm clubbing - I want to die. Every time I try to have a good time I want to die. I don't know why. I'm sick of this. I want to be normal like my flatmates. I want to be able to get drunk without having to fight off the urge to die. It's crazy. I want to be normal.
   
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Re: I want to die - March 2nd 2010, 12:46 AM

There is more to life than just having fun. Obviously there is something missing in your life that makes you feel you are worth something. Do you have a hobby or something that interest you? You need to have something that makes you feel good about yourself,something you truly enjoy.If you have something that makes you feel good your going to keep on wanting to do it and live for it. Most importantly you must LOVE YOURSELF. It is so important to love yourself and to feel like your worth as much as everyone else. What is your definition of normal-my definition is to be healthy and to be able to maintain in this life. Everybody isn't going to be the same because everybody was created to be unique and different. If everybody was the same life would be boring. If something doesn't feel right don't do it. Dying is just a excuse to give up on something that's too hard.Everyday isn't going to be easy,and everyday isn't going to always be fun. There is a time for everything. Life is already short enough so i suggest that you find something you love about yourself and find something you love and put your heart into it and that should give you some type of joy. Every time you feel bad think about those goals you wish to set. You need not only goals,but spiritual guidance. I'm not saying you have to get religious ,but have a spiritual relationship with God. Keep striving and God-bless!!!
   
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Re: I want to die - March 2nd 2010, 12:55 AM

There's nothing that I enjoy anymore. I can't love myself because I am a horrible person. I don't deserve to be loved. all I want to do is die so no-one has to deal with my shit. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I've cut myself 16 times tonight and I cant sleep. all i want to do is cut until I sleep. I can't sleep. So I need to cut.


This is not normal. I know that - but the only thing I can do is cut and drink. I son't know how to be normal.
   
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Re: I want to die - March 2nd 2010, 01:23 AM

Hey Ella,
Sorry to hear you are having a rough night tonight. You'll get through it though. A new day will come and who knows, maybe you'll feel a little better tomorrow? You never know until then. Have you talked to anybody about how you are feeling? Sometimes when are emotions become too strong, we need other people's help. And that's OKAY. It's a sign of strength to reach out to someone, let them know what's going on and that you can't do it alone. You are not a horrible person. Everyone deserves to be loved, especially you. You're not wasting our time at all Ella. We are here to help. Don't forget to use our alternatives to SH sticky: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/ I know it's hard but you are stronger than the urge. You are NOT going to let this take over you. I believe in you. You need to believe in yourself too.
Stay strong,

Alessa


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Re: I want to die - March 2nd 2010, 12:57 PM

cutting yourself doesn't solve anything the only thing you get is a real sliced up arm. After you cut whatever pain that your feeling is still there. What makes you a horrible person?? Look nobody is perfect we all mess up and make mistakes no matter how perfect our lives may seem.You do deserve to be loved as much as the next person. You need to be able to look in the mirror and face that person in the mirror. You must care about yourself,and body and what you do with it. Look your not wasting anybody's time we are here to help you .....You want to die so people won't have to deal with your stuff...what do you mean by that?? Do you mean so they won't have to deal with you or so you won't have to deal with you? Don't be afraid of life..Don't be afraid to live life...Don't be afraid of the outcome of the future...Be afraid of dying before your time..Be afraid of not seeing what you can be if you just hold on. I don't know if your into religion but the Devil is always out there to seek whom he may devour and thats why sometimes life can be so hard. When we die believe me there is an after life and its not part of God's plan to commit suicide. Where do you plan to be for eternally?? It doesn't matter how much a horrible person you think you are ..that's why there is such thing as repentance.Ask God for forgiveness get closer to God,and when you can't go to sleep read the bible don't cut yourself it just makes the wounds of life even bigger. Being normal is just being yourself and being the person God made you out to be. Your 18,I don't know if you have graduated from highschool or not,but if not i understand high-school can make you feel very depressed and sometimes like an alien when you don't fit into a certain group. You will feel like you have to get drunk and stuff to be approved. If this isn't the case...i want to let you know that you really need to approve of yourself. The only person that can control your thoughts, emotions, and actions is YOU.It is up to YOU to decide that you want Change. You can get all the advice in the world ,but it won't help If YOU DON"T TAKE ACTION. Start thinking positive and leave all the negativity alone. Stop feeling so bad and say i'm not going to let little things worry me...laugh and try to enjoy yourself. Please give living a try...I know life isn't always easy because if it was all easy nobody would go to hell and there wouldn't be a devil...now would there? Remember there is somebody out there in a worse condition than you are. I hope you pull through all this. Godbless
   
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Re: I want to die - March 3rd 2010, 01:25 PM

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I had to go to A&E on monday night because I cut myself too deep. I'm self destructing and I can't do a thing to stop it. Everyone is getting sick of me. My counsellor said that trying to talk to me is like pulling teeth. I can tell she's getting pissed off with me. She wants me to go to a support group for my sealf harm and counselling for my "alcohol problem". I can accept why she wants me to do the self harm support group, but I honestly don't have a problem with alcohol. I drink maybe 1-3 times a week, sometimes less. I don't drink any more than my flatmates do. We're students. Students go out and drink. I don't drink on my own or during the day. It's not affecting my life.
I've tried doing the things that I used to enjoy. I've tried being more optimistic. I've tried anti-depresants. I've tried self harm alternatives, I'm doing cognitive behavioural therapy,I see a psychiatrist every few weeks - I don't know what else there is. Will I ever be happy?
I can't even see myself being alive a year from now. It's a constant struggle. I just don't know what to do anymore.
   
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Re: I want to die - March 3rd 2010, 07:17 PM

Ella,
You will be happy. I can't tell you exactly when, but some time. I promise you. I think you should go to the support group. I mean, even with all your therapy now, a support group is completely different. It's like getting to talk to others your age going through the same thing. People that actually understand you! It's great because you can share ideas about how to cope and how to avoid triggers. Plus it's a great way to make new friends that you can become close to. Tell your counselor you don't feel like your drinking is a problem. Let her know exactly what you said here. Last, try not to look so far ahead. You have to look at yourself and how far you have come. You have all this support lined up for you and that's great! You will feel better, just be patient and keep on fighting. You can do this.

Alessa


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Re: I want to die - March 4th 2010, 10:16 AM

if all this isn't working then the problem is a little bit deeper.. Is there something about your life that you don't like what is it? What triggered this problem....There are certain things that cause you to feel upset all the time... what do you think is wrong with the setting of your life?? You feel hopeless for some reason.What are you afraid of...what don't you like about yourself or your life? There is something deep that your leaving out. Will you ever be happy? yes, you can be happy if you truly want to like i said you must learn to control you emotions,and don't let life beat you down. Tell me about what went wrong in your life and why do you feel so bad. When you get to the source of the problem you can eliminate depression.

Last edited by kim700; March 4th 2010 at 10:23 AM.
   
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