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xxprincessxx Offline
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dead inside. - March 22nd 2010, 11:45 PM

these past couple of months have been complete hell, theres no other way to describe it. the people i felt like i could talk to, i can't anymore. it's all falling apart. it's all i can do to keep myself from not breaking down in tears and just crawling back inside hole my friend hugged me and i just started to cry and then he started crying which made me feel worse, so i asked him what was wrong and he was like "your hurt and i can't help you," then he texted me last night to make sure i was okay and we just ended up disagreeing and that didn't work out, it just ended up "yah, i know i'm crying to love, nite." and i don't know what to do. i've lost my closest best friend, he was the only other friend i could talk too about depression/cutting/suicidal feelings... i have two adults i feel like i can talk too but i've lost basically all faith in them, 1.) because they basically told me to knock it off or they would tell, which they've never done in the past and i've told them everything.... and 2.) just kind of tells me i have to be happy and to not "cry wolf," how exactly i'm crying wolf when i'm seriously more depressed than ever is beyond me. so i'm basically a l o n e and i have nobody to talk too and i feel like dying :[ i just wish somebody would put me out of my misery, i could never do it myself *sigh*
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Re: dead inside. - March 23rd 2010, 02:10 AM

I'm sorry you're feeling so down and that you can't seem to get these feelings out by talking to people. Have you ever thought about blogging your emotions? That way you will never have to censor yourself and how you're feeling, you can just let it all out. Coming on here is the first step, is there any possibility that you can talk to a school councillor or a public councillor about how you're feeling?

"When it comes down to it I let them think what they want, if they care enough to bother with what I do then I'm already better than them." Marilyn Monroe.
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Re: dead inside. - March 23rd 2010, 11:38 PM

It's the fact that I want somebody to listen, I write about stuff all of the time, but I never get to share it. I can't talk to a counselor, no. At least not until I'm 18, which is only about two months. But right now I really want it to all go away, and the only way I can seem to find that solution is...well, yeah. So I basically got the courage to tell my friend some of how I was feeling, but I told him I couldn't tell him all of it but he guessed what I was talking about, and I asked him not to tell but he said he couldn't do that because it was basically playing with my life, he promised he would hear me about it before he would tell, and if did tell it was going to be the youth pastor at church. Though I highly doubt she could do anything, I really wish he wouldn't tell, so I kind of lied and made myself not sound as bad off, then I freaked out and texted him again and he said he was going to call me when he get's off of practice, but I don't know rather or not I should tell him the truth or not. I highly doubt I'd act off of any of the impulses I'm gettting, I never have in the past.
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Re: dead inside. - March 23rd 2010, 11:42 PM

But when you're feeling like this, it's better to play it safe.
He's reaching out to you. It sounds like he really, truly cares about you and wants what is best for you.
Be honest with him. You deserve it. You deserve to let it out and to take care of yourself.
Things won't always be like this.
You can do it.
I'm rooting for you.

Here if you need anything!

Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.
PM me anytime <3
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