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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
flutterbye1990 Offline
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Name: Arwen
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Scotland

Posts: 39
Join Date: August 12th 2009

Exclamation Please please help me, i dont know what else to do!! - March 23rd 2010, 09:55 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I can't do this anymore, im done.

I first of all went to a doctor to tell him how i had been feeling, that i couldnt cope and i needed help. The first doctor i seen told me there was nothing he could do, he handed me a tissue ( as i was hysterical ) and told me to go. The next doctor sent me to a counceller; where i told her i cut myself and made myself sick she told me not to go to the doctor just keep doing what im doing and i'll be fine. I then went to the doctors while she was on holiday told him and he sent me too a cpn, we never got on from the start. I find it very difficult to confront people who make me uncomfortable, to speak my mind, to say NOOOO FUCK OFF, so i agreed with everything he said even if i could do it or didnt understand.
For the past year i have been trying to change my cpn and apparently he wont let me. So i dont see him.

Then i got a dietician who told me i was attention seeking. And a psychiatrist who, when i was infront of made me feel very uncomfortable so i acted like everything was okay, she then told my doctor i wasnt depressed, theres nothing wrong with me and they took me off my tablets.
I then took an overdose and the people at my hospital didnt even let me talk to anyone, they just gave me some charcoal and told me to go home.

Today i have been in a very bad place, i phoned the sammaritans who told me to go see my doctor and tell him all about my past. Tell him how i was abused by my cousin since i was six, how when i was 17 i was in a really abusive relationship and my boyfriend repeatedly force me to do things to him and raped me, how the extreeme guilt i feel running though my veins was because i drive everyone i love away from me.

So i fucking did, but i could only see a doctor i have never met before.
After i told him everything and how i hadnt been getting any help for a year he asked if i was going to do any harm to myself? All i said was i just want someone to help me and he went furious!
told me i was threatening him and that was highly inappropriate behaviour and how that wasnt going to get me anywhere, he then told me i was a stupid girl as my tablets were stopped. It wasnt my fucking fault my tablets were stopped!

And everytime i went to see anyone i would explain that i put up a barrier or stand up for myself when i feel intimidated or i feel they dont understand, so WHY THE HELL ARE THEY DOING THIS? I JUST WANT HELP FROM SOMEONE WHO CARES AND UNDERSTANDS WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH HAS FUCKED ME UP AND WHO TRIES TO HELP.

please i just want to know somewhere where people actually understand what im going through and can help fix me, i'll even pay for bloody help
please help me

Arwen x

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within"
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Whisperer Offline
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Re: Please please help me, i dont know what else to do!! - March 23rd 2010, 10:16 PM

Hey Arwin,
I know what you are going through. I'm in a similar position myself. After finally building up the courage to reach out for help, I just get ignored and no one takes me seriously. But that doesn't mean it's time to give up. It means it's time to fight harder. Just because people aren't helping, doesn't mean there isn't help out there. Even if you can't get professional help, try talking to a friend. Sometimes just letting things out and getting them off your chest can make you feel a whole lot better. Also, even if you do get help, things take time. Sadly, there is not magical medicine that is going to make everything go away. You just have to keep on fighting. Telling yourself you are stronger and you are going to beat this. A HUGE part of overcoming this is changing your thoughts and pattern of thinking. Tell yourself, that was the past and you can move on now. Focus on the present and just take it one step at a time. Don't look to far so you won't overwhelm yourself and go at your own pace. You can do it, just don't be afraid to modify your life a bit right now. I'm always here if you want to talk.


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
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