TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
DarkSeph Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
DarkSeph's Avatar
 
Name: Liam
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

Posts: 623
Blog Entries: 9
Join Date: May 28th 2010

Breaking Down... - June 30th 2010, 01:21 AM

I know a few friends will probably be upset at me for writing this. I'm sorry. I admit it, I'm weak and can't cope and I had to write it down somewhere. Extremely long thread warning.

I posted a while back about my recent break up. 3 year relationship with a girl who was my true friend and meant the world to me who suddenly turned on me, blocked and dumped me. It was bad enough, but I gave her space and moved on thanks to TH.
Yesterday changed that when I received an email from her new bf. Threatening the police if I contacted her, hurling a huge pile of insults at me, claiming I was fucking with her head and playing mind games and people were "willing to stand up for her" from a waste of space like me. This is on top of the police threats from her mother a few months ago. Apparently she's paranoid I'll contact her and it's distressing her so everyone is "stepping in".

Why? I last contacted her the 16th of may with a simple supportive "I'll give you any space you need". Before that, the only contact after the break up was maybe 4-5 supportive "I'm here for you anytime" texts, a nice birthday and Easter present. I don't ever recall being abusive once. I try everything to be nice. I see unhappy relationships, guys acting awful, nice people being hurt and tell myself I will never do that, that I'll make the people I love happy, like they make me happy. I've done hundreds of all-nighters supporting her when she was upset, gave her compliments, presents, did thoughtful things, avoided arguments, forgave anything, didn't drink/smoke, never pushed sex (we never even had it because pregnancy fears scared her and I respected that). So why am I being treated like an abusive jerk? ._. There have been abusive guys in her life, drinkers, sexual harassers, insults, talking down on her, yet they were endured for months, no one told about them, she even dumped me for one ex like this once.

And she blamed me entirely for the break up, but it turns out she was dating this friend since we broke up. And he's a wonderful guy, but he's been through about 15 gf's and is a little pushy on sex. =( She used to play xbox all day with him, and apparently he had been saying crap about me. Same happened with the ex she dumped me for. If they act nice to her and bad-mouth me, she turns on me and goes for them.

I know already what the advice is. "Forget her, there's better out there, ect." But she was a wonderful girl. Truly kind hearted, supportive, beautiful and an amazing friend. I on the other hand am extremely bad looking, not many hobbies and very shy. The only thing I have is being nice to others and being financially stable. I honestly don't blame her for getting sick or bored of me. I'm a failure as a human being. I'd give anything to drop my niceness for sociability and confidence. To actually have a choice in a relationship and be genuinely appreciated. The person I am has just earned me 23 years of bullying, ridicule, being ignored and betrayal. I can't list even one positive aspect I've gained from being "me".

Also, the last problem is I'm depressed. There's no point hiding that. I have absolutely no friends in person. I live out in the country-side and rarely see people and I'm ridiculously shy and ugly, people avoid me. I just can't pull together the motivation to try anymore, and I want to, I'm trying so hard. My days have ended up browsing TH to help people, sleeping or just lying in bed. I don't enjoy any of the things I once loved, I try really hard to do them and it's almost painful, I don't have any fun and it depresses me more. BUT... I've never SH'd or had to see a therapist. I'm fighting until the end. I think I just need a true friend in person. ._.
I also have severe relationship trust issues now, even with friends. I hate that. I used to the type of guy who would trust a girlfriend alone with ANY male friends doing almost anything. I can't imagine I will again now. I can't visualize friendships lasting long-term. I know no one will ever love me. I've resigned myself to waiting for more hurt and accepting it.

(Unrelated, but I've also upset at least 2-3 people on TH trying to help them recently. I'm so sorry. I kind of feel like withdrawing from everyone here. I can't talk to anyone without a million stupid worries in my mind)


Currently inactive...
  Send a message via MSN to DarkSeph  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Eyes on Fire-Xx Offline
The doctor's next companion
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Eyes on Fire-Xx's Avatar
 
Name: Sumi
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: in your fridge, your out of milk

Posts: 224
Blog Entries: 17
Join Date: June 5th 2010

Re: Breaking Down... - June 30th 2010, 03:43 AM

firstly, your not weak. your extreamly strong for not giving up or SHing well, your ex sounds paranoid, because i dont think you could ever hurt anyone or be mean, all you do is help people and make them happy. im sorry your having a bad time but it will get better. you can talk to me bout anything if your sad and to me, online and real life are the same, still real people talking to real people, just using a diffrent method, so, you have lots and lots and lots of friends


The strongest oaks
grow in opposing winds
and Diamonds are
made under
Pressure

PM me anytime for anything at all! <3<3<3

Last edited by Eyes on Fire-Xx; June 30th 2010 at 03:55 AM.
  Send a message via AIM to Eyes on Fire-Xx Send a message via MSN to Eyes on Fire-Xx  
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Gixxers rock Offline
should now be "VFRs rock"
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Gixxers rock's Avatar
 
Age: 30
Location: Calgary

Posts: 392
Join Date: January 10th 2009

Re: Breaking Down... - June 30th 2010, 06:08 AM

As one intelligent fellow to another, I'd recommend against perpetuating the "nocebo effect". It's exactly what you think, like the placebo, but the expectation of pain or discomfort will bring pain and discomfort. (on a side note, I should really be studying for my psychology final tomorrow >_<)
Anyway, I have also found myself in a similar situation (balding, acne, seemingly undesirable to girls, haven't been called up by friends). Now, I'm not saying this is the answer but it has worked "sort of okay" for me. If you are seemingly unable to change your circumstances, you can always change your perception of them. For example: "All girls don't like me" vs "This girl I've liked, who has an unstable personality, doesn't like me as much as I like her. "No one wants to be my friend" vs "It's hard to meet people with similar interests or sense of humor in an area where cows outnumber people". I also wanted to include a penis size joke in there somewhere but it's not working out tonight.
Text book answer, I know (sorry).

In the same way that money doesn't solve money problems, having a girl friend or a pack of mates wont fulfill self-esteem issues. Looking to outside of yourself to justify loving yourself is obviously flawed. Of course knowing this doesn't make life any easier because it's a damn sight harder to practice than to preach and I've been trying for years.

Umm okay, to sum up: your beliefs, are they serving you the way you want them to?
Why not change them?


I am the Stig's brother in law.


Race me on Gran Turismo 5 Prologue! My nickname is patrakoffman-64
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
DarkSeph Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
DarkSeph's Avatar
 
Name: Liam
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

Posts: 623
Blog Entries: 9
Join Date: May 28th 2010

Re: Breaking Down... - July 1st 2010, 02:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gixxers rock View Post
Now, I'm not saying this is the answer but it has worked "sort of okay" for me. If you are seemingly unable to change your circumstances, you can always change your perception of them. For example: "All girls don't like me" vs "This girl I've liked, who has an unstable personality, doesn't like me as much as I like her. "No one wants to be my friend" vs "It's hard to meet people with similar interests or sense of humor in an area where cows outnumber people".
Hmm, I see exactly what you're saying and completely agree. The only problem is it isn't just her. About 99% of girls I've met in my life either completely ignore me, are disgusted by me or tease me. (I'm skinny, big nose, buck teeth, typical "nerd" appearance) And I went through both school and college without really making a single friend. I mean, I know I should be positive, it's just kinda difficult when I've known little different for the past 23 years.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gixxers rock View Post
Umm okay, to sum up: your beliefs, are they serving you the way you want them to?
Why not change them
Well, that's what scares me. I mean, I've gone my entire life believing no matter what, even if I'm shy or not good looking, I'll be nice, kind, caring, supportive to nice people and someone will appreciate me for it. ....And yet friends all move on once they've made use of my niceness. And my ex just got bored, took it for granted and went off with the "fun guy" who cycles through gf's and likes sex. And she honestly was a truly nice person before all this. It makes me feel that no matter how nice someone is, they can change at any second and I can't let my guard down.
Being taken for granted is a huge issue in being nice. People get relaxed when you treat them well. If you treat them a little badly at times, they treat you with more respect out of fear you'll leave or snap at them. People treat nice people badly because they can get away with it and the nasty person would take revenge, make their life hell or attack them.

My beliefs are to be nice. It hasn't served me the slightest bit of good. But I don't want to change and be less-nice. It isn't "me".

Either way I'm gonna keep moving forward. I don't know why. I'm still as depressed as heck. I don't see any hope. But that's just who I am, after all trying is better than giving up. I could just really do with some hope in all this.


Currently inactive...
  Send a message via MSN to DarkSeph  
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Nomophobia Offline
Music is my escape
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
Nomophobia's Avatar
 
Name: Muse
Gender: Female
Location: UK, Wales

Posts: 866
Blog Entries: 300
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Breaking Down... - July 1st 2010, 05:55 PM

Hey Liam, sorry to hear your still having ex issues...they really suck don't they?!
I could do with a new friend too...so how about we become closer friends? Lets face it...Ireland isn't too far from where I am and I have always loved the Irish accent! :P

I won't ignore you, tease you or be disgusted by you..I promise
Btw..writing this shows you are strong and reaching for help...not that you are weak!
I'm here for you xxx


"Friends are like stars; you don't always see them but you know they are always there"

"It gives me hope. I love you so much. You give me a reason to breathe. Its something for me to not kill myself for" >>> means so much :')

Paramore! <3
Pm me anytime, I like to help!
  Send a message via MSN to Nomophobia  
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Greasy Lake Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
Greasy Lake's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

Posts: 6
Join Date: June 30th 2010

Re: Breaking Down... - July 1st 2010, 07:22 PM

Hey buddy, i'm new here so we have'nt spoke before but i just wanted to say hi, i've read a few of your posts giving others advice and you seem like a sound fella.
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough spell at the moment, that's a raw deal you're getting especially if you're respecting boundaries, getting e-mails like that is crappy and nobody deserves to be treated like that. Good friends are hard to come by, you know this, its just a shame others don't see what's often right in front of them the whole time.
  Send a message via MSN to Greasy Lake  
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
ChelseaSmile Offline
They Were Wrong
Average Joe
***
 
ChelseaSmile's Avatar
 
Name: Chelsea
Gender: Female
Location: Somewhere I don't want to be

Posts: 124
Join Date: June 30th 2010

Re: Breaking Down... - July 1st 2010, 08:57 PM

So you said she is an amazing girl, but how can she be amazing if she is doing all this to you?
And also, I'm sure your not as bad looking as you say, but regaurdless is that all that should matter?
I have been screwed over by friends plenty of times, and yeah, I dont really trust people anymore.
However, I still have plently of friends, and I just don't go deep into my life story with them.
Meet new people, make more friends(:
It'll be okay.
Message me if you need anything.
-Bryri
  Send a message via Skype™ to ChelseaSmile 
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Gixxers rock Offline
should now be "VFRs rock"
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
Gixxers rock's Avatar
 
Age: 30
Location: Calgary

Posts: 392
Join Date: January 10th 2009

Re: Breaking Down... - July 2nd 2010, 03:01 AM

Hey, you know what they say, big nose means...

You don't have to go from one extreme to the other. You can try restraining yourself from handing out good will (like social foreplay), ie let people know they will have to earn it, or earn it back, if you catch my drift, otherwise (like you noticed) you sell yourself short. That doesn't mean being cold, just not being a crutch.

This is a strange quote but it has made me think on more than one occasion:
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - A.E.

Think about what you've been doing since high school that hasn't given you the results you want.


I am the Stig's brother in law.


Race me on Gran Turismo 5 Prologue! My nickname is patrakoffman-64
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
DarkSeph Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
DarkSeph's Avatar
 
Name: Liam
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: Ireland

Posts: 623
Blog Entries: 9
Join Date: May 28th 2010

Re: Breaking Down... - July 2nd 2010, 07:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gixxers rock View Post
Think about what you've been doing since high school that hasn't given you the results you want.
You know, that's really good advice. ^^
I think mainly being far too quiet is my issue. And I do have awful social problems, but that can be worked on. People who are outwardly confident make friends easier. And I am kinda bad looking. But that can be worked on too.maybe I should consider braces, contact lenses and go out for a good shop someday and buy some nice clothes and stuff? After all feeling good about yourself helps you feel confident.

I'm just going to assume I've been unlucky my whole life with people. After all, TH has proven to me nice people do exist. I don't want bad experiences to prevent me handing out niceness (to nice people) or trusting people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChelseaSmile View Post
So you said she is an amazing girl, but how can she be amazing if she is doing all this to you?
Meh ^^ She's helped me with such a lot. And been a really close friend for years. People have their mistakes and bad times, and considering she's clinically depressed with a controlling mother, she probably just mentally snapped. There's a nice person in there somewhere. But I can't help her, I'm just hoping we part our separate ways for good and she stops being paranoid I'll harass her and getting people to send police-threats. =/

Thanks for the messages guys. I really don't know where I'd be without TH, you're all truly amazing.


Currently inactive...
  Send a message via MSN to DarkSeph  
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
breaking

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.