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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Ice Offline
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Can't take this anymore.. - July 1st 2010, 03:56 AM

So I don't know whats wrong, everything seems to be going wrong right now, I've never been this depressed before, and it only seems to be getting worse, I cant sit still, I dont want to go to sleep, I dont want to eat, Ive had depression for a while, and anxiety, but I have been trying to deal with them, but at this point it just feels 100% worse, then it ever has before.

I dont want to be here anymore. It just seems like everything goes wrong for me. I love someone who can never love me back, I think about him all day long, thats all thats on my mind, and I found out he's moving as of today, so he no longer lives here anymore anyway. I've never had these kinds of feelings for someone, all my past relationships ive never felt this strongly about someone, I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't know how to get over someone who has moved & can never love me back ( or won't. Seeing as he's straight & I'm gay).

Second, I thought I could get away from all this for a while, so me & my best friend planned a little vacation for 3 days to the beach, so we get there Tuesday, and she says "I don't want to do anything" and goes to bed after being in the room for a few hours, and I just sat all night on the balcony with my ipod in my ear, the next day (today). We go to the beach for 2hrs, then we walk back to the room for a bit and she says "I'm bored, I did everything I wanted to do, i'm ready to go home", so we decided to leave, because I definitely did not want to stay there by myself, at this point, I was extremely depressed, so much for a vacation, now I'm back to pacing the floors, thinking about this guy, and i don't know what to do, I can't handle this, I want to get over this, I called a therapist earlier today, they said I had to call back tomorrow to make an appt. so I guess I will try tomorrow, I can't do anything, I'm scared to go to the Emergency Room, because I dont want to be admitted for several days, on a psych hold. I just don't know how much longer I can wait until I get an appt, I want to feel better already, I want to be able to be happy for once. I don't think i'm ever really happy, I mainly just hide behind a smile, most of the time.

I am so sick of being here, it seems like nothing ever ever goes right for me, on a day to day basis I'm let down. I want to do this and finally get it over with, I have nothing to look forward to when I wake up.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can't take this anymore.. - July 2nd 2010, 04:27 PM

Heyy chin up! Keep smiling, and take everything a day at a time. works best for me if i don't think too much about the future or past. Live in the moment and try and think positively about things ... Even when it might seem there is nothing positive about the situation, find something positive and focus on that.
Take care xx




   
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Re: Can't take this anymore.. - July 3rd 2010, 02:02 AM

Ice, you need to hold on. I was also formely suicidal and the reasons you listed, sounded exactly like mine.

Although I'm not gay. I did very much like this girl, more then i liked any other, and for the short time we hung out, I was in heaven; in a state of total bliss. Then with no warning she tells me i don't like you anymore i like someone else. This hurt like ohh my god*

Just hang in there. It may seems that nothing goes good for you. That no one cares about you. (this may seem a bit cheesy)But know that everyone here cares about you. Just don't give up and look towards the future. Make a goal for your self and make it happen. Remember suicide is a permanent solution to a tempoary problem

If you want and intrested, i can give you my whole life story and maybe that way you can find hope. Just PM me


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