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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ella.x Offline
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Rock bottom - July 18th 2010, 12:13 PM

I'm doing bad. really bad. I've spent the entire weekend in bed crying. I had to go to A&E on friday night to get stitches because I cut too deep. My housemate is terrified that I'm going to kill myself. I can't guaruntee that I'm not going to. I just sold my reading festival ticket because I have no idea if I'm even going to be alive for it. I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. I've drunk every drop of alcohol that I had. I want to just take a load of pills and lock my bedroom door and go to sleep. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get better. The pills aren't working so I'm not going to take them anymore. my counsellor does nothing. I can't be happy anymore. What am I supposed to do? I have a job interview tomorrow morning and I don't know if I'm going to be able to pick myself up long enough to even get there. I can't do it anymore.

Last edited by Ella.x; July 18th 2010 at 02:09 PM.
   
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Re: Rock bottom - July 18th 2010, 12:38 PM

This sounds pretty serious

But what is the source of your problems?
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Rock bottom - July 18th 2010, 01:41 PM

I don't know what the source of my problems is. If I did, I would be able to fix it and make things better. There is no reason why I'm doing so bad at the moment. I don't see the point in trying when the only thing that has changed in the last 5 years is I've gotten worse. I just want to die and make everything stop.
   
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Re: Rock bottom - July 18th 2010, 11:35 PM

Hi Ella,

If you feel you're in danger of harming yourself, it is really important that you talk to somebody. I cannot stress this enough. Someone in your life, like a friend, family member, or even doctor would be preferable, but calling a suicide hotline is also a good step. Here is a list, provided by TeenHelp, of ones you can call for several different countries (UK included).

It sounds like you need professional aid with this. Are you seeing a therapist currently? If not, I really encourage you to look into getting one. Sometimes it is hard to identify what is making you feel so poorly, and a therapist can help you with that and see that you get the proper treatment. Things can get better! I know it's hard to believe right now, but you can't lose hope! You can fight this and be happy again!

Take care and please be safe! xx
   
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Re: Rock bottom - July 19th 2010, 08:29 PM

I'm seeing a psychiatrist and a counsellor. Nothing is helping. I've cut myself over 30 times today. I want more blood. I want to die. I just want it all to end. Nothing makes me feel better anymore. Everything is just grey and miserable.
   
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Re: Rock bottom - July 20th 2010, 02:15 AM

ella. i understand that it was hard, REALLY hard. But just keep in mind that if you stop trying now.. then you're not going to get the happiness you TRULY do deserve. In my point of view, you truly do deserve happiness. Don't let whatever you've gone through affect you too much

Remember , you're your own person.. you are a WONDERFUL person.. capable of wonderful things and happiness. I'm sure you deserve them.

I think that maybe you should do more stuff.. get busy with activities that you like that will take your mind off your sadness as well as let you talk around with a lot more people. Then when you look back after a while, you'll realize that your sadness will be replaced by loads of happy memories.. that i believe is the real road to recovery

caring always, remember you can always tell us about stuff!


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Re: Rock bottom - July 20th 2010, 11:31 AM

I really have been trying to keep myself busy - I've got a full time job and I spend most of my spare time with my housemate. I only have 2 friends where I'm living now because I was at university but I got kicked out because I failed my first year, so now I'm stuck 3 1/2 hours away from where I used to live and almost everyone I knew up here has gone home for the summer. I'm really finding it hard to see a point in staying alive. My life is going nowhere, I'm stuck in a dead-end minimum wage job that I hate, I have no decent qualifications to get a better job, and I can't afford to go travelling, which is the only thing that I seem to enjoy these days. I honestly cannot see a way out of this mess.
   
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Re: Rock bottom - July 21st 2010, 04:07 AM

then maybe you could get to know new people. you'll be surprised .. some new people could be even nicer than the people you already know.give it a try.. it cant get any worse, i assure you. It will only get better.

And besides that, i understand that stuff is hard now. But the thing is you could save up money to get a higher qualified degree, which is what i would do in your situation. Never give up.. because i know you deserve real happiness.

still rooting for you to get through this !


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

we come, we help, we stick and never leave. pm me anytimeee!

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Re: Rock bottom - July 21st 2010, 04:30 AM

Ella,

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I wish that I could make it all go away. I want you to know I am here for you, okay?

I think that it is important for you to seek help if you are in immediate danger of harming yourself. Go to the emergency room etc if you feel like you are going to commit suicide. I know that is hard to do and your urge to die will be stronger then your urge to live but don't let that urge take hold of your life. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to live.

Now, you say that your psychiatrist and therapist are not helping and that might be due to a number of reasons. One of the biggest reasons I find that people struggle with getting help from their therapist is because they are not completely honest with them. Sometimes that is because people have a hard time being honest with themselves let alone anyone else. I know that is something I struggled with immensely. I used to lie to everyone and make them think I wasn't as bad as I was or I would avoid talking about certain things. With time I opened up to myself and my doctors and I have improved immensely. Do you think that might be why they are not helping?

I would also like to encourage you to talk to them about the fact that you do not think they are helping you. They might be able to help you figure out why.

Do you journal? If not I think that would be a really good idea. I know that journaling helps me organize my thoughts and sometimes it helps me realize why I am feeling sad or what not. I know you said you don't know why you are feeling the way you are and maybe journaling will help you with that? It might take some time but it could benefit you immensely.

As for the self harm please please please try to use the alternatives. I know a lot of the times it seems like they do not work but the key is to keep using them. I have been working with the alternatives since 2007 and they didn't really start working till late 2008 or early 2009. That is a long time but if you think about it it took us a long time to get addicted to self harm so naturally it is going to take a while to use other coping mechanisms.

I hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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Re: Rock bottom - July 21st 2010, 05:12 AM

You've admitted you have a problem, which is step one. and remember - once you're on rock bottom you have two options: you can either dig yourself a hole (which is hard to do on rock), or you can, with our assistance, climb out. Everyone on TH is here for you, you know. Don't kill yourself; it's just a permanent solution to a momentary problem. I just want you to know that, although I don't know you, you mean the world to me and I love you so much. You're worth more than you think, and you just need to know that we're all here for you. Talk to somebody. Get some help. Because I don't want another friend to die of suicide that I could have intervened. I love you, and so do the rest of TH users, and we'd do anything for you. Rethink things, doll.


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