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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Writer's Block :/ - August 17th 2010, 02:08 AM

I can't express what's going on, no matter how much I want to. The words won't form correctly in my head. I hate admitting I need help, and I CANNOT go back to the hospital, especially right when school's starting. I don't know if I'm bipolar or something, but I get depressed a lot, and with it comes suicidal impulses. Not necessarily feeling like my life sucks, therefore I need to die - that's somewhat rational. Mine's more of an obsession, a compulsion to commit suicide. It used to be horrible, but with medicine it's gotten better.
I'm having moments though where it'll get bad, and each moment is a little worse, and brings me a little closer to it. I don't think I'll die, and I don't want to, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll do something that I would regret, but I'm too messed up (or dead) to even be able to regret it. I'm also afraid of the hospital. It isn't that bad there, it's just the idea, and the fact that I won't be in school with my friends where I belong.


enjoy what you can, when you can
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Re: Writer's Block :/ - August 17th 2010, 02:53 AM

When I get writers block I go to the simplest form of writing or expression I can think of. Usually that's a poem or doodling or sadly somtimes SH. Which isn't good. I hope you don have to go to the hospital. Have you tried poetry? List poems are easy. Think if a title which is why the list is of and then think of words or phrases that answer the question or go under tht category. Here's an example I've already posted.

Wishes

An everlasting friend,
A feeling if joy that won't end.
A stop to these constant blows,
The end of th voice tht comes and goes.
Bein able to enjoy each breath of air,
Able to live life with barely a care.
I'd wished to be able to stay with you,
But my wishes just don't come true.


It could be even simpler than that. If you don't want to do that. Just write down words or phrases thy come to mind. Anything.

Stay strong.



Sleep and death are both the same,
From both I can return.
I emerge from sleep by simply waking,
And from death, I return with words.
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Re: Writer's Block :/ - August 17th 2010, 02:53 AM

The best advice I can give you is hang in there. Try and tell someone, no matter if its a counsler,friend,relative,or teacher about whats going on. Also what kinda helps is a wish welll list, each morining when you wake up write down a few goals for the day, and then when you get home if any came true you can take it down, I did this a few years ago when I was feeling suicidal, and it helped alot. I'm not saying that there won't be those days where it seems like everything is falling around you, but just hang in there. There are people in this world that would miss you if you were truely gone.
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Re: Writer's Block :/ - August 17th 2010, 03:48 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry you are struggling but please hang in there. It sounds like slowly your doctors are getting things under control for you and that has me believing that with time your impulses/obsession with suicide will be even more manageable then it is today.

I would suggest that you express to your doctors how you are feeling. I know that there is the underlying fear that if you are completely honest with them they will send you to the hospital but in all honesty the only way you can get these issues under control is if you are honest with your doctors. You stated that you don't want to die and that is a good thing and if your doctor hears that from you and believes you when you say it I don't believe they will hospitalize you.

However, don't let hospitalization stop you from getting the help you deserve. I know what that is like but school will always be there. You may have to miss a few weeks or whatever but it will always be there to come back to. If you were to harm yourself though you might end your life and then you won't have school or anything else to look forward to. It is imperative that you get these feelings under control so that you can continue living your life and your doctors can and will help you get there but you have to be honest.

Lastly, when you are having excessive/extreme thoughts about suicide I suggest that you reach out to people. You don't have to necessarily say 'I want to die right now will you talk to me' instead you can just reach out and watch t.v. with your parents, hang out with your friends etc. When suicidal thoughts are really loud sometimes the best thing to do to quiet them is to preoccupy yourself with good company. You could also look at the list of alternatives to self harm if your friends and family are not available to preoccupy you.

Here is the link:

http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t9418-alternatives-self-harm/

Distractions can be really good tools to keep yourself safe. So, if you ever feel really overwhelmed with the thoughts look at those and see if those help. And, if you are in immediate danger of harming yourself please seek out medical help so that they can keep you safe and ensure that you can continue making it in life.

I hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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