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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
HealingAngel Offline
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Techniques to Fall Asleep At Night - July 12th 2011, 12:49 AM

So recently I've been having really awful thoughts about myself... And I'll avoid writing too many negative things so that it won't be triggering for anyone and everyone can answer. Basically, I just feel like crap. I hate myself, I hate my ex, I hate my mother... I have all of this pent up anger and feel utterly abandoned, betrayed, hurt...

And, well, last night was really bad. I couldn't sleep at all so I read until I was utterly exhausted, but everytime I tried to put my book down these thoughts just kept racing through my head (I'll post at the bottom so that if you don't want to read it you can avoid that and just give your advice). Anyway, I couldn't even stand the thoughts for a full minute so I read and read past the point of exhaustion clear into the morning before I crashed using the book as a teddy bear....

I'm almost done with the book though and I have no more right now...
I don't want to be alone with my thoughts... What techniques do you use to fall asleep on nights like this...?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Thoughts... might be triggery, I don't know...

Just So Sad. Lonely. Abandoned. Betrayed. Worthless. Flawed. Hurt. Empty. Hopeless. Unloved. Lost. Just... Pain. Inside it's like I'm dying. </3

I can't... I'm not suicidal but... how can I live like this... it hurts. God. It hurts.

I'm broken...

A used shiny toy tossed to the side when the shine starts to fade away.

When something new comes along.

Something better.

I'm never worth it. Second choice.

I was abandoned. I'm alone. Broken. </3 I just want to curl into a ball... Just lie here... </3 It's like... sometimes I just need to be held... but the only person in this world who would just hole me and love me and care about me unconditionally... left.


When You're At The End Of Your Rope...
Tie A Knot... and Hold On... <3
- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -
I think I kinda, sorta, maybe... mighttt just love him after all...
- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -
Settle precious, I know what you're going through,
Minutes before you got here, I was going to jump too...

Last edited by HealingAngel; July 12th 2011 at 01:04 AM.
   
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how.we.operate. Offline
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Re: Techniques to Fall Asleep At Night - July 12th 2011, 06:59 AM

Hey hugs
I know that feeling all too well...do you have some form of outlet--I did sports, journal/wrote, art, and generally just used music as an escape.
Before bed, I'd sometimes just cry myself to sleep. Some nights I'd listen to music till I fell asleep...I did a lot of things that would wear me down, even watch movies or talk to friends.

I think you need an outlet. Start journaling, ranting helps you a lotttt! You my find that it is not enough to rant to something that doesn't give feedback, so consider talking to someone (friend, adult, teacher, professional/therapist, etc) about things. Music always helps because you allow yourself to connect, art can be therapeutic, sports...well that's self explanatory. Find little hobbies. Yours can be reading, so maybe find more books to read. There are so many more ways, so I hope you find something that helps you.

Feel free to PM


Leave the past behind, just walk away
When it's over, and the heart break
And the cracks begin to show

*~*~This little girl was alone in the world~*~*
Hold Onto Hope
   
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Re: Techniques to Fall Asleep At Night - July 12th 2011, 07:30 AM

Like the above said, reading can definitely be the best outlet in times like this. I used to read or go running, or if it was too late (I don't live in the best area of the city) I would just work out in general. Maybe if you try yoga? Or learn something new. Learning new things can be very exhausting sometimes.. Maybe an instrument? Or playing a difficult game?

I also realized that when I got a job, I was getting more sleep in one night than I was getting in a week. Running around wears me out, and eventually I get to sleep.


"Although only breath, words which I command are immortal." Sappho

"Sometimes I feel nothing at all. Sometimes I feel everything is my fault.
Sometimes I feel the hate break my mind. Sometimes I feel they deserve it this time.
May the bridges I burn light my way." - I, Alone - Otep

   
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Re: Techniques to Fall Asleep At Night - July 12th 2011, 07:34 AM

I am just like you. I barely fall asleep on my own. If I don't crash with a book, I usually plug my iPod in with a playlist consisting of about 100 songs or something to help me fall asleep.


"...and I've lost who I am, and I can't understand.."

Here for anyone.. PM me or add me, anything.
   
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HealingAngel Offline
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Re: Techniques to Fall Asleep At Night - July 13th 2011, 07:30 AM

Thanks for all of the advice guys! I am now studying up on interesting subjects at night as well as reading novels and letting the music play. Things have been looking up though. I'm feeling... better.


When You're At The End Of Your Rope...
Tie A Knot... and Hold On... <3
- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -
I think I kinda, sorta, maybe... mighttt just love him after all...
- . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . - . -
Settle precious, I know what you're going through,
Minutes before you got here, I was going to jump too...
   
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