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Disneygirl94 Offline
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Happiness - August 21st 2011, 01:42 AM

I don't remember the last time I felt myself actually happy. I've always had to put on a happy smile just so no one would see that inside I'm screaming for help. Slowly, my family is starting to see how unhappy I really am. My parents, my uncles, my aunts. They're starting to see that the reason I'm always quiet and the reason I don't interact is because I'm hurting on the inside. They always thought it was because I was shy or just didn't want to go outside. They don't know though is that I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I have been for a while now. They are though starting to figure out that the scars on my arm are not from an animal that scratched me too hard and that my skin was just sensitive to it, but that I actually keyed myself to make myself bleed out so I could just die. That thought has been in my head for quite sometime now. Until the other night, he got a real smile and laugh out of me. He actually made me feel alive. But its forbidden. Of course something that great is forbidden. I don't deserve happiness. It has never found me and I don't know if it ever will. I can't take anything anymore. I'm just starting to get sick of everything.
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bailatyvm Offline
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Re: Happiness - August 21st 2011, 04:29 AM

Aw; I'm so sorry. If they're starting to notice, I'd definitely talk about it with them so that maybe they can help you out some. Honestly? I know it's not easy. But it's sooo worth it in the end. Best of luck<3

searching for myself...
and hugs. mostly hugs.
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