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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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George^^ Offline
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Pretending. - January 27th 2012, 02:43 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I pretend to be strong,
I pucker up and fight along.
To everyone I'm strong.
I stand alone.
I really just need someone.

I can't stand anything anymore. I'm breaking. I act like I'm not, I act like I'm okay. But I'm not. No one knows how broken I am. How broken I still am.

I thought I got over my depression, but I never did. I'm still the same sad kid.

I lost my grandpa when I was in seventh grade. I didn't really say goodbye. I was just so scared. and I wrote a poem, and it started to come out again. Everything that I pushed away, came tumbling back out.

I don't think I'm okay anymore. I never am. I don't want to see a counciler like last time, and I don't want to fight alone or tell my friends and make them feel guilty (heh, as if they care, they all have their own damn lives)

Sorry if this didn't make sense.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
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I'm as sane as I ever was.

Outside, huh?
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Re: Pretending. - January 27th 2012, 02:53 AM

That doesn't sound silly at all. I definitely understand how you feel. Here's what I've learned: you don't need to be okay all the time and people DO care. I know it can feel like you're being a burden on other people, but the people that matter don't see it like that. So, reach out to someone, even if it's only one person. You'll be glad you did. Of course, never forget that the TH community is here for you whenever you need us.


wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
   
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George^^ Offline
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Re: Pretending. - January 27th 2012, 03:04 AM

Thanks. It's just. my mom doesn't like it. She's said mean things about suicide and stuff, so I don't feel like talking to her.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
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Re: Pretending. - January 27th 2012, 04:00 AM

what about your dad? Is he nicer about it? Does your mom know you feel this way? Maybe if she did, she would be kinder since you are her son. I would def. tell somebody. Like Sammi said, your friends won't see it as a burden. They WANT to help you. They WANT to make you happy. Im speaking from experience. I have had many friends with the same problem and I have never seen it as a burden.


   
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George^^ Offline
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Re: Pretending. - January 27th 2012, 10:27 PM

Thanks. He barely knows about last time, other than counciler/bullying, he knows nothing. -I doubt it, and I wish she saw me as her son (^^' born girl, wishes I was a guy. -That was deffinatly enjoyable.) Thanks.


I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
   
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