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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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brokensmilexx Offline
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Hate this feeling - January 30th 2012, 02:59 PM

I hate this. I haven't felt like this in forever. And I never want to..
I feel like I'm worthless, stupid, not good enough. I know I shouldn't feel like this, but I do. And the thoughts just keep creeping back into my head and won't shut up.
I've been crying since yesterday. I can feel myself losing it, I don't want to. I wanted to cut but I went for a smoke instead..I haven't cut myself in 5 months.
These feelings somehow always relate back to a boy. And I tell myself 10000 times no one should have such an affect on the way I feel about myself. But it always happens.. He hasn't talked to me since he told me there was 'a bunch wrong' but didn't want to talk about it.
I'm scared its me.. and its eating me alive ): If he cared about me he would have talked to me by now..
Why am I so weak? > . <


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Re: Hate this feeling - January 30th 2012, 11:12 PM

Hi there,

Firstly well done for coming to us for some help and support. I hope that in some way we can manage to help you.

I wanted you to know that it is okay to cry. That sometimes even though when we cry we can feel like absolute rubbish, it can make us feel better after we have cried because it's like a release of emotion.

You seem to talk about yourself in a really bad way. You're definitely not any of the things you are saying you are (ie worthless). In fact, you're worth a lot. There's only one of you, you should love for you. Be beautiful like you, not like anyone else. Try talking to yourself in a different way. You telling yourself those things is going to do more damage than good and it's important that you love yourself. Tell yourself you're not worthless, because you aren't. At all. You do deserve help and support which is why I am replying back to you. You're good enough for being you and I doubt very much so that you're stupid. Why do you think all these bad things about yourself? You don't deserve to be telling yourself so I think it would be good for you to tell yourself differently as hard as that may be. Perhaps when you're feeling okay and are in a good more you can have a good think about all the good and positive things about you and write them down so that when you feel bad about yourself you can read over them and remind yourself of all the good things.

Being five whole months self harm free is amazing. I think you should be really proud of yourself for be that long self harm free. It's inspirational. When you have urges I suggest you talk a look at this list of alternatives. Not everything is going to help you so it is all about trial and error but there will be ones which do help you so it's important that you keep on trying and don't give up when you come across something which you don't benefit from. Keep reminding yourself of how far you have come and how amazing you've done to get this far because it honestly is amazing. You've done well to get to where you are. You're worth more than self harm and you ARE worth more than the pain you would be inflicting upon yourself. You don't deserve it any way at all. And me and you both know that it isn't going to help you in reality but it could make the situation a lot worse.

Talking to people can be really helpful for some people too. Do you have anyone to talk too? If you're in education there might be a tutor or school/college nurse or counselor that you can talk too. I know talking to people can be scary but sometimes just having someone to rant to or cry to can even help. It's good to know you're not on your own, which you aren't. We're always here for you too. You can talk to us. You've mentioned about 'him'. If you want to talk to us more about that you can do and I feel confident in saying we'll try and help you cope with the situation.

I hope this helps a little. Look after yourself.
Jessie


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Re: Hate this feeling - January 30th 2012, 11:53 PM

You're not weak babe. Why would you ever think you are weak? See, people react to different situations in different ways. Nobody's the same. So that means some people would feel the way you do, but some people may not. And thats fine. You seem a bit more sensitive and again, thats fine. Im sensitive too. But its not fine that you are hurting so much and letting this eat at you. For that, you should prob talk to someone. Since you aren't hurting yourself, I think it would be okay to start small like maybe confide in a friend what you have been feeling. If you start getting worse, you should prob tell a adult or counceler. Like the poster above me said, you aren't worthless. You aren't stupid. You are good enough. If a guy you know made you feel this way, this guy isn't worth it. He isn't being kind to you and therefore does not deserve you. You are better than that, you deserve better. I'd say get this guy out of your life. I'm sorry this is happening to you though and if you ever need to talk, you can talk to me if you want.


   
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