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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Not Trying Hard Enough - July 5th 2012, 09:10 PM

Apparently I'm not trying hard enough to stop cutting. I mean, I say that I'm trying, and I thought I was, but I always end up cutting. Always. And if I was trying, then I'd be able to not do it, right? Thing is, I don't really want to stop for any other reason that when I don't it makes people proud of me. And I've never had people proud of me before. Which kinda seems like a dumb reason. Because it's not really much to hang on to. I mean, who am I kidding? I can't make people proud of me! I don't deserve it! I feel like crap. My aunt and uncle think I'm not trying hard enough to stop cutting, and they think that I don't want to stop, because I'm just not trying hard enough. So I'm hiding it from them, and lying when they ask me how I'm doing with it. Which makes me an even more detestable human being.

I deserve to be cut. I hate myself.
   
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Re: Not Trying Hard Enough - July 5th 2012, 11:05 PM

Hey there,

First, You do NOT deserve to be hurt, in any way, shape, or form. I am really sorry that you're struggling, but you need to know that trying is all you have to do, and you're doing a great job. Most people trying to recover from self harm experience relapses, much like you are right now, I myself have many times. They suck, but it happens to most of us. All we can do is get back up and try again. You should be extremely proud of yourself for trying and for asking for help, I know it's a hard long process, but it is worth it in the end. You just have to keep trying.

I know it's really difficult to stop, from experience, but it's not impossible. It takes time and a lot of patience. Don't get discouraged if you mess up, just think you'll try again. That's all you have to do. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like you can, but you will get through this, we don't know when, but it will happen. Now instead of self harming or when you get the urge to do so, you might try to use some alternatives instead. I personally run because I just get away from everything, maybe it'll work for you, here's a list of some really good alternatives: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/ Just go through the list and try a few out, don't get discouraged if some don't work, not all of them do for everyone, different alternatives work for different people, but I'm sure you'll be able to find a few that'll work.

I also highly suggest you talk to someone you trust that you're having a hard time coping and that you'd like some help. I know it doesn't seem very ideal, but your family sounds so supportive and I think they'd want to help you out in anyway that they possibly can. I know it might seem scary enough, but having a support system really does help make it easier. If you're nervous you might try telling them in the form of a letter.

Another thing that you should do is maybe figure out what triggers you, like keep a journal and then when you're feeling down and get the urges to self harm, write down how you're feeling the day and everything that's going on, that way you'll figure out what triggers you and you'll be able to do something before you self harm.

I hope this helped a bit, and if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me! You will get through this, and you're not alone, you're trying your best, you just have to keep on going. Good luck!


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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Re: Not Trying Hard Enough - July 6th 2012, 12:32 AM

Some of the alternatives work; like running (but here it's winter and freezing, and I usually only want to cut when it's dark, and we're not allowed outside then because it's too dangerous), and having a pillow fight with a wall (although I can only do that when no one else is home, because otherwise they'd think I was deranged, which I don't really want. And I'm never home alone).

Writing them a letter sounds like a good idea. But, like usual, I'll probably just chicken out and tear it up. Also, while I want to tell them how I feel, I don't want to at the same time, because they'll think I'm crazy. Which is probably true, to some extent. And I've worked so hard to make it look like I'm normal. Although they probably would help me. Or try to, anyway.



   
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Re: Not Trying Hard Enough - July 6th 2012, 12:38 AM

Hey again,

Having a pillow fight with the wall sounds fun well you should try to find some others that work too, and I didn't know it was winter! Sorry about that. It's summer here haha.

I don't think they'd think you were crazy though, If they keep asking how you are, I think it just shows that they're worried and care about you, at least that's what I think anyway. Thinking about it might be a good idea, and you should try writing the letter, and if you end up tearing it up, that's okay you can always try again when you're ready.

I hope this helped a bit more!


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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Re: Not Trying Hard Enough - July 6th 2012, 03:10 AM

I'm actually seriously considering talking to them. Which is weird. For me anyway. Usually when we talk, I end up in tears, which is weird because I can't usually cry. Which I hate. I hate people seeing how weak I really am. But I guess I know they can help me. And I guess I know I need it.

Argh I hate this so much. And I want to cut so bad
   
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Re: Not Trying Hard Enough - July 7th 2012, 02:36 AM

Hey,

Crying isn't a sign of weakness, it just shows we're all human. I'm glad that you're considering it, and I hope you do. You deserve help and support.

I know it's hard, but you will get through this! We're all here for you!


"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
   
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Re: Not Trying Hard Enough - July 8th 2012, 12:26 AM

Hi there,

Firstly, you do not deserve the pain you're inflicting upon yourself. I don't think anyone in this world deserves to have to feel they need to harm themselved to be punished. You especially don't deserve to be punished in any way what so ever.

Its good you've found some techniques that work for you. Have you looked at our list of alternatives to self harm too? Now remember not everything is going to help you; different things help different people. Therefore it's all about trial and error and you finding what helps you. When something doesn't seem to help, don't give up. Keep on trying new things. It might be helpful to write a list of all the distractions that you do find helpful and even make a poster and stick it up in your room so its there when you need it.

Truth is, ultimately, we'e all in control of our own actions. At th end of the day the only person who can stop you from self harming is yourself. No, that doesn't mean the urges are going to go but they are not going to hurt you; the person hurting you is you. And only you can stop that. Now, I know its hard to beat the urges but you can do it if you distract yourself, put things into perspective and stay determined. And you are worth a hell of a lot more than the pain you put yourself through. You don't deserve it and you can get through this.

Don't be afraid to talk to people, let them in and let them help because you don't deserve to be alone. If you feel the urges coming on, you can always come here and talk too. We'll try our best to help and support you as much as we can do.

Take good care,
Jessie


"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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