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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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lostinmymind Offline
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Name: Rosie
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I'm messed up - July 26th 2012, 02:49 PM

Hello everyone, hope your all doing ok at the moment. I need some help with a problem I have. Well to get to the point Iím a VERY depressed teen, Iíve reached out for help many times from ďprofessionalsĒ but I canít find the right person who cares or understands me.
I donít know what to do anymore, my life is surrounded by my negative thoughts of suicide and my actions of self harm. I want to remember what it was like to not think about these things every single hour of a day. I want to be saved from the hole Iím seeking further into day by day.
I want to stop self harming; itís become my coping skill I rely on since I started 2 years ago. I try distractions but itís like my mind knows Iím trying to get rid of the urges and decides to think about it more if that makes sense. My life is already ruined because of it, Iím covered in scars ÖI need to stop before I ruin my life more, please if you have any advice on how I can stop I would appreciate it very much <3
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Re: I'm messed up - July 26th 2012, 02:56 PM

Hey there Rosie,
As you already know, SH is very destructive and not healthy.
I know what you mean about your mind thinking about it more or what not. The SH is like a little monster, and it does NOT want to die. That's why it makes you think about it more when your trying to distract yourself.
I suggest looking about the alternatives thread.
Also, just getting outside or getting around people always helps me. You can't self harm if your around your family in the midst of conversation. And being outside sometimes just helps me calm down.
I know you can do this, beat this, get over this.
Stay strong sweetheart.

If you're looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it.
"May the odds be ever in your favour"
"A strong person is one who can smile this morning like they weren't crying last night."
Your never alone, I'm always here for you. Shoot me a VM or PM.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Palmolive Offline
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Re: I'm messed up - July 26th 2012, 03:13 PM

Hey there

Im sorry you have not yet found professional help which you have found benefical. I know I've seen a lot of people for my mental health and at times its taken me to get through a few workers before I found one I could work well with. My point is, don't give up. People out there can help you and if it takes time to find the right counselor/therapist then so be it because if its going to help, its going to be well worth it. Could you try and see your doctor and see if theres a mental health team that they could refer you too? Or even ask to see your doctor for emotional support. I know my doctor has been brilliant to me. That might be worth a shot.

Having these feelings, thoughts and urges all the time can be extremly difficult and I can relate to that. In the short term it is all about distracting your mind onto something else. There are so many distractions that different things work for different people so it is all about trial and error and not giving up when you come across something that doesn't help you. I know something that helps me is to stop a glow band when I get urges to self harm. You're then not allowed to hurt yourself in any way until the glow band has stopped glowing which is normally around 8-12 hours later. Could you try that? Things like running, walking, baking,writing, art, reading, playing with a pet, watching a film, having a bath and singing might also be good ones to try too. It might also help to make a poster of the things that help you and stick it up on your wall so that when you get the urges you can go straight to it and start distracting yourself.

I think you have taken the first step by saying you want to stop self harming. Now that you want to, its about believing in yourself and believing that you can. And you CAN. It is possible even though it is hard. But you can do it. Ultimately you're in control of your own actions. The only person who can stop you from hurting yourself is infact yourself. Have you thought about writing a list of positive reasons to self harm (ie temp relief) and a list of negatives to self harm (ie scars). You can beat this and I think its very important to put all of this into perspective and to believe in yourself.

If you feel you need more help for your self harm and how you feel, you can always look in to getting counseling/therapy as well. Of if you just need a bit of support you can always takl to us here, family members, friends, teachers or even your doctor.

You can do this so keep in fighting and believe in yourself.

"Only in the dark, can you see the stars..."
Josie 12/3/2014, always in my heart. Sue 19/2/2016; Peter, Ellie, Hannah, Andy, Kirtsie RIP.

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Re: I'm messed up - July 27th 2012, 09:01 AM

Hey there,

I am sorry that you have not found a professional that works for you but I want to encourage you not to give up. Finding a counselor that works right for you can be difficult at times and takes a lot of time and determination and I will admit it can get tiring but with time it can pay off. The thing to remember is that counselors are people too so you are going to run into counselors that you click with and you are going to run into counselors that just do not work for you at all. Do you know what it is about that counselors that didn't work for you?

I went through numerous counselors and I couldn't seem to find the right one for me. It took me quite some time to find the right one for me and now, I must say, I really love my counselor. I can trust her with my problems and I can be myself in her presence and not worry about offending her with my sense of humor etc. If I would have given up on finding a counselor I never would have found her and I don't think I would have grown in the ways that I have.

I know it gets discouraging but please do not give up because there is a counselor out there for you.

Do you know the triggers behind your self harm? If not then maybe you could work on writing in a journal to try and help you figure out what they are? I think that figuring out your stressors is one of the biggest steps in over coming the urge to self harm. Once you have the stressors figured out you can slowly work on finding healthy coping skills to deal with them.

I know that you said that you have tried alternatives and they have not worked but that doesn't mean that all hope is lost all it means is that you have not found the alternatives that work for you. Honestly, it took me a long time to find an alternative that works for me and that alternative is going out to my local coffee shop and sitting there for hours on end reading or using their wifi or just listening to music. It was the only thing I could find that got me out of the house and in to an environment where I knew I would not self harm. But, it took me some time to figure that out and it took a lot of strength for me to use that alternative because I have a fear of crowded places and I worried that the workers thought I was weird!

Figuring out what alternatives work for you is something that can be 'fun' as well; fun in the sense that you can get the chance to explore new hobbies and interests.

Besides looking for support through a counselor have you been looking for support from friends and family? I know that sometimes it can be hard to find support from friends and family but if you can please try and reach out because in their own way your friends and family can be your own personal support network. They will not be perfect and they might not know exactly what you need but they can give you love and sometimes that can be enough. And, when you find the right counselor they can help your family and/or friends learn how to better support you by offering family therapy sessions (if that is something you would be interested in).

The most important thing to remember about recovering from self harm and overcoming depression is to never give up. I know that can be hard but you are worth the fight and you are so much stronger than all of this. Just keep fighting and one day you will see brighter days.

I hope this helped and if you need anything feel free to pm me.

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