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Unhappy Told a friend about being close to relapsing, and she flew off the handle - July 24th 2015, 10:42 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have a friend I have known for quite a few years. She and I pretty much know everything there is to know about the other: including the fact that we both used to self-harm. So tell me why I reached out to her for support tonight, and she decided to pick a fight. She reaches out to me at least twice in any given week. This is the first time I have EVER reached out to her for support. She decides to tell me, and this is copied and pasted, "Stop trying to get me to feel sorry for you. Suck it up, move on with life. Leave me alone, I'm sick of this."

First off, I wasn't trying to get her to feel sorry for me. All I said was "I'm having a hard time right now, I am struggling not to relapse with my self-harm and I could use a listening ear."

Secondly, what exactly is she sick of? I constantly support her, send her positive messages and quotes, anything I can think of to help her. I listen to her 2-3 times a week, minimum, when she is close to relapsing. I never ignore her when she is in a bad spot, even if it means staying awake on the one night that week I was able to sleep. I haven't asked her for help ONCE. And I emailed her, so it wasn't like I called her and woke her up. Her email said she was online already, so she was already awake.

My plan of action? Leave her alone, see how long it takes her to need something and/or apologize. I guarantee it will be within 24 hours. And I won't be rude to her when she does want to talk, either. This is not the first time she said something like this, most of the time it is when I send her a quote or something and she decides to bite my head off. I am just sitting here, shaking my head, like "wow". It's amazing how some people always want you to help them, but when YOU need the help, they get all snippy. I guess it's time to see if YouTube has anything funny I can find.



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Re: Told a friend about being close to relapsing, and she flew off the handle - July 24th 2015, 04:59 PM

Hi,

I'm really sorry to hear that your friend reacted like that. Regardless of her reaction, I'm glad to hear that you asked her for support because that shows strength. What your friend said was damaging and uncalled for, especially because you support her quite often. I see a bit of a double standard here - you're expected to support her, but she can't support you. I think you should make her aware of how she made you feel when she replied to your email like that. Perhaps you can remind her that you don't mind supporting her, but you need some support of your own sometimes.

You said it's not the first time she's said something like this. It makes it seem like she's unappreciative and I think you should cut back on the positive things you send her. I know picking positive things to send probably takes a lot of effort and you shouldn't have to put all that effort in if she'll only give you a negative response. If you explain how she makes you feel when she talks to you this way, and she still continues to treat you this way, I think you'd benefit from taking some time away from your friendship to reevaluate it.


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Re: Told a friend about being close to relapsing, and she flew off the handle - July 25th 2015, 04:20 AM

Yeah, she can be negative and rude sometimes. But I always let it go and she has told me many times that she appreciates all my support. I'm not trying to excuse her behavior, but she has apologized and explained why she got angry. She had a bad day, I'm not going to let this ruin what is usually a very good friendship.

I explained why what she said hurt my feelings, and I told her I felt like she won't support me but I feel expected to support her. We've been messaging back and forth for a while and she's over whatever was upsetting her.



"I've decided to stick with love. Hate is too great aburden to bear." Martin Luther king Jr.
   
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Re: Told a friend about being close to relapsing, and she flew off the handle - July 25th 2015, 09:16 AM

Hi, Brianna!

Calico gave some great advice and I do agree with her. I'm sorry that your friend reacted that way but reaching out to her was a sign of strength on your part. That must have felt really hurtful, especially after all the support you've given to her. I hope her response hasn't discouraged you from reaching out to others about your self-harm.

The fact that you talked to her about how the way she reacted upset you and your overall feelings about the friend is great because communication is important to make a friendship work. You mentioned that you aren't going to let this incident ruin a good friendship and that's really great, that you're able to look past what a person says or does on bad days rather than holding a grudge. That shows you're a caring and understanding person. But after talking to her about all of this, if she doesn't make an effort to take your feelings into consideration, then make sure you realize when it's okay to take a step back from the friendship even if it's just for a little while. Because your feelings matter too and a friendship should go both ways rather than the support given be one-sided.

Hope things improve from here on since you've spoken to her about this, and also that both you and your friend are doing okay. As for your self-harm, you're welcome to vent here and talk to any one of us about your self-harm, okay? We're happy to listen and we won't judge. You can message me if you'd like. Take care.
   
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Re: Told a friend about being close to relapsing, and she flew off the handle - July 25th 2015, 07:57 PM

The truth is people only care while it's convenient. It's a cold hard fact of life, but it's a fact people need to get more realistic about. If you need help, odds are 90% of your "friends" will get sick of it and abandon you in a matter of weeks. Shitty to say, and we'll always be here for you but your friends may not be.
   
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