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i really don't know where to put this.... - November 11th 2017, 10:11 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

hey everyone,
i've only posted on this site once before to try and get advice on how to help my now ex girlfriend......
since my last post she has left me twice and been cheating on me several times and basically emotionally abusing me and causing me to feel very suicidal. i broke up with her 2 weeks ago for cheating on me and realising it was getting too hard for me and since then i started off feeling okay but i have gone rapidly downhill and i have started self harming badly again on my wrists and arm....they're pretty cut to shreds at the moment.

i just feel like i will never get over this because she was all i had to live for and i just feel like ending my life but i know deep down i shouldn't...i just miss her an awful lot and i feel like i will never find anyone again and i hate being alone and i regret breaking up with her even though she hurt me i loved her and i know she didn't feel the same about me and doesn't even miss me.

i can't go on like this i just don't know what to do anymore the only thing that helps me feel better is smoking and cutting myself but i know i shouldn't cut as i can go too deep but it's hard not to and i feel like i will never get better, i have been having a lot of mental breakdowns too recently and my anxiety has been crazy.

thanks in advance for any replies
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Re: i really don't know where to put this.... - November 11th 2017, 01:42 PM

It sounds like your relationship with your girlfriend was difficult but it is good that you took a step back and put yourself first by ending the relationship.

Emotional abuse such as what you have experienced has long lasting impacts and that could be related to how you’re currently feeling. You mentioned that your girlfriend was all you had to live for and while that may have been a positive feeling, it can be harmful to place your happiness and worth on someone because they may or may not stick around.

Instead, maybe you can get a piece of paper and write other reasons to live no matter how large or small. For example, you could live for holidays, your favorite food, sunrises, or that perfect rain storm or warm spring day. Once you write this list you can refer to it and even add to it when you’re feeling low.

Perhaps you can do some thought reframing. Instead of hating being alone, let yourself know that not being in a relationship right now can be positive in that it gives you time to work on yourself and mend the parts of you that are struggling due to being in an abusive relationship. You will likely find someone who treats you kindly eventually, but for now it is okay to take time to take care of yourself.

It can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it may feel like there isn’t any light there but there is and you will see it in time. Things do slowly improve, you just have to hang on until then.

You can do this.

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Re: i really don't know where to put this.... - November 12th 2017, 02:36 PM

it started off amazing we got on fantastically but now i look back on it there was signs of problems, like she used to snap at me a lot and then she used to get really angry if i said something she disagreed with.

i'm not even sure if she did emotionally abuse me she used to act all loving to me and then go very distant and she used to lead me on and she used to lie to me a lot, then the cheating started and then she started saying how she thought i was really clingy and basically how she hated me trying to help her with her mental health and then she went crazy when i wouldn't let her smoke weed until her mental health improved.

i might try the piece of paper or typing it all into my computer and try and help myself but i'm not sure if it will work, but i will give it a try i'm willing to try anything to feel better.

i do try and tell myself i am a lot better off being away from her and being single for now until the right person comes along but i have kinda convinced myself i will be alone forever even though i know deep down thats not true but she has done a good job of ruining me.

i'm quite proud of myself, last night i only self harmed once which is a lot better than i have been doing for the past few months so thats a postivie i guess?

and thank you so much for your reply and having faith i can do this
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