Triggering (SH): soo this is awesome....[sorta a rant]

[kirstenyo]

i dont understand what triggers me.
i went a whole year, my whole sophomore year actually, without cutting, i am now going to be a senior. The last time i cut was in..January or February.
I dont think i have the will to last a year again. A lot has happened, like in decemeber i had to put my dog down we've had since i was like 8. and my grandma died in january, and i dont think i got all the pain out.
i regret not seeing my grandma when she was in the hospital for the week before she died. i regret not crying at the funeral.

I cannot cry, well i can but it takes a lot out of me to.
i dont know why.

But everything seems to be getting to me, I haven't had a boyfriend since 9th grade, and that wasn't even real, my friends seem to be prettier and skinnier than me, i freaking hate my body, i have gained weight but thats cause i started eating meals again insted of a small something or other once a day, and i can't make the art i really want to make, i feel like i'm never going to get better at painting, how am i going to be the graphic designer i want to be when there are people ten times better than me...

i just really really am getting stresses i guess.

i just needed to rant.

[Elizabeth]

First, I like to say awesome job going a whole year without self harming! What helped you stop? Try using alternatives, maybe using art and painting. I am really sorry that you lost your grandmother and your dog. You said that it takes a lot out of you to cry, I've felt that way before too. One day though I sat there and cried and let it all out, and it felt so much better. It is ok to let go sometimes and have a good cry.
As for the graphic designing, going to school and learning will make you better if you put in the effort. Don't focus and compare yourself to others, but compare yourself to your past work. Look at the imporvments you have made personally!
Ranting is good! If you ever need to rant, feel free to PM me!