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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lelala Offline
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Exclamation grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 3rd 2009, 05:40 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, so this weekend I'm grounded for something i never did.
I also have my phone and laptop taken away.
(I'm getting special time to be on this website because my mom knows how it helps me with my depression.)
But I can't bear not talking to anyone. I've been grounded before, but being at my moms house makes me depressed, sad, pissed, annoyed at everything. And its not fun. Plus my anti-depressants dont help either. But i cant do anything about it but i really want to move away.
Anyways...I'm basically suffering emotionally without talking to my boyfriend because he is the only one who is here for me and understands. He is still there for me no matter how pissed, depressed, or suicidal I am. And I'm not even allowed to talk to him. I hate my life. FML. FTW.
I need help and my mom doesn't care. She still takes away my phone and she expects me to still not cut without it. But Ive cracked :|
I slipped two days ago after being clean for 9 months, all because of whats happened. im going insane...
Any advice on what to do?! :|

thanks<3


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
dancer Offline
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 3rd 2009, 07:07 AM

Hi Ariella,

sometimes letter writing can help a bunch. Even if you don't end up giving the people the letters, writing about how your day's been or whatever you would otherwise have been emailing about or just complaining about how you're bored in a letter to a friend or a relative or even someone like an actor or musician (though I wouldn't recommend sending those ) can be helpful, because it is at least some way of maintaining contact.

Hope that maybe helps some. Feel free to PM me anytime, too.

Hang in there.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 3rd 2009, 11:51 PM

Hey Ariella-

Dancer has come up with a great idea, to write a letter. Specifically it sounds like you could do well writing a letter like you're speaking to your boyfriend. You can give it to him if you want, or just rip it up. Either way, it's okay. Even if you don't have his feedback, it's nice to rant sometimes.

How much have you spoken to your mom about the reason you're grounded? Do you understand where she's coming from? I have no idea what happened, but perhaps a calm conversation would help work things out. Keyword being 'calm', if you get upset, it just gets everyone upset which gets you nowhere. Use "I feel" statments. Meaning, say, "I feel like I don't deserve to be grounded." Instead of screaming "I shouldn't be grounded!" It's more effective. That's what's important! Perhaps consider writing her a note explaining what happened or something like that. It's easier to fully explain what happened while remaining calm if it's in writing. Then you can also decide what you want to say, how you want to word it and so forth.

Check out Alternatives and Distractions that's stickied at the top of this forum. They're so helpful. Make sure to try at least 5, with making sure they each take at least 10 minutes, if not more. That keeps you at least one hour self harm free which is good. You just have to take it minute by minute.

Good luck!
Maria.



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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 4th 2009, 04:03 PM

Hey there Ariella,

I'm sorry that you've been grounded for something that you never did - it seems pretty unfair. Have you tried talking to your mother about whatever you were grounded for supposedly doing? You deserve to have your say.

I can understand how difficult it may be for you without contact to people who can usually support you, such as your boyfriend. Dancer's idea about writing a letter does sound like a pretty good idea - it could help you to feel as though you're talking to someone. Writing in a diary could also be an idea - it could help you to vent if you're feeling particularly emotional. Writing out how you're feeling can be a great help. As Maria has said, printing out the [list of alternatives] may also be a good idea. Keeping yourself busy and distracted is very important. Keep your mind occupied with whatever you can.

Your mother does seem quite supportive if she is allowing you to come on this site if it helps you - do you talk to her about your depression or self harm? I think that if you explained to her that you're finding things difficult without having someone to talk to your mother may actually understand more than you think. As Maria has said though, it is important that you do it calmly. Getting angrier usually only makes things worse.

Take care.
   
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 5th 2009, 05:35 AM

well the thing is, after i say that its difffult without having someone to talk to,is that she says"you can always talk to me. im here for you too." and then i cant come up with another reason. and it never works. any ideas to say to her after she says that?


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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 5th 2009, 05:40 AM

Maybe tell her thank you for letting you know that she's there for you, but that sometimes it helps to have a closer perspective, like from a friend your age, to talk to. Maybe telling her that you appreciate that she cares about you but that you want her to be your mother, not your therapist, and that right now you are going to her to ask for her help in getting you access to what you know helps you cope healthily with things. Talking to a mom can definitely be great for some people, but sometimes it's just more helpful to let a friend know what's going on because the response is different and sometimes less emotionally complicated because of familial attachment.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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lelala Offline
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 5th 2009, 06:11 AM

thanks everyone. you all have really helped. but i still cant get the thoughts of cutting out of my mind. everything is going so horribly in my life right now that i need to release physical pain to keep my mind off of the emotional pain. im stuck in classes from 1-4:45 as my "punishment" and its making everything worse. i cant go to my best friends birthday or even see my boyfriend (the only person who really helps me with everything). im failing at life )': ive already cut once or twice and i hate having to hide it from my boyfriend because idk what hes going to do. but i NEED to. and i need help. please someone. help me. ive reduced to begging now...


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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 5th 2009, 06:19 AM

Hey Ariella,

we're here for you. It's perfectly okay to ask for help - in fact, it's great that you're asking for help right now. Would it help to try writing a letter to your mom explaining what is and isn't helping you, what helps things be easier and what just add more stress? Sometimes letters can have a bit of a different effect than talking to someone.

And you don't need to cut. I know that it can feel that way. But cutting isn't a "need," it's a "want." You do need to take care of yourself, though. Sometimes forcing yourself to do something deliberately good to yourself, like making a cup of hot chocolate or painting your nails or something like that, instead of cutting can actually help some.

Hang in there. You can do this.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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lelala Offline
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 5th 2009, 06:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by dancer View Post
Hey Ariella,

we're here for you. It's perfectly okay to ask for help - in fact, it's great that you're asking for help right now. Would it help to try writing a letter to your mom explaining what is and isn't helping you, what helps things be easier and what just add more stress? Sometimes letters can have a bit of a different effect than talking to someone.

And you don't need to cut. I know that it can feel that way. But cutting isn't a "need," it's a "want." You do need to take care of yourself, though. Sometimes forcing yourself to do something deliberately good to yourself, like making a cup of hot chocolate or painting your nails or something like that, instead of cutting can actually help some.

Hang in there. You can do this.
Thanks. For everything I mean. (:
And yeah, tomorrow when I'm in school and I get done with something before the teacher starts talking again, or when I'm at break, I am going to write it, before she comes home obviously.
And cutting is kinda like a every night thing for me now, like brushing my teeth or taking a shower :| That's what I meant by "needing" to.


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dancer Offline
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 5th 2009, 06:31 AM

Anytime

Ah. Yeah, I understand that definition. Anything you could maybe try replacing that part of your routine with? Tell yourself that whenever you get to where you feel like cutting, to do a different activity (reading? jumping jacks? Idk. You get to be creative ) instead?

I hope that your letter writing goes well And hey, definitely feel free to PM me anytime if you ever want to talk about anything.


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
lelala Offline
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 5th 2009, 06:33 AM

Yeah Ill definitely think of something new. Thanks so much. And the next time I feel like I need to cut, I'll try to PM you if you are online. (:


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dancer Offline
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 5th 2009, 06:36 AM

Awesome

Even if I'm not online, try PMing me anyway. It'll show up on my email, which I've, er, realized I check a rather lot , so if I see a message from you I'll come online.

Hang in there. Hope things start looking up


Drown in the music,
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block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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lelala Offline
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 8th 2009, 05:38 AM

im off grounding !!!
yaaay!!!!
thank you everyone for your help. especially you,Dancer. i talked to my mom today and told her how i felt, and we talked about it, and she ungrounded me!!!


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dancer Offline
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Re: grounded+no contact=me slipping - August 8th 2009, 05:59 AM

Ah!!! That's so exciting!!! I'm glad that you're not grounded anymore, and that talking to your mom helped And I'm glad that I could help some; anytime!


Drown in the music,
dance in the rain,
block out the thunder,
and let the scars fade.
   
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