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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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anqel_bambii Offline
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August 30th 2009, 05:56 AM

i dont even know where to start. im sure theres probably 847 people on this board that are just like me .. but i DONT FEEL BETTER when i dont cut. i know its not something im "supposed' to do but when i dont do it for a long time i get really depressed and its all ill think about..

what happened was i started when i was twelve, then only did it a little so often between the ages 14-16 .. when i turned 17 me and my boyfriend, the only one i ever loved, had rocky times which triggered my insecurities and i started again. after we broke up every other guy left me, my mom hated me as always, i looked at myself in a negative way. i dont like sounding like an attention-craving pathetic teenager but thats just how it was

but anyway the thing i dont understand is how no matter which way i go im still upset.. if i dont cut, i think about it and want to do it. if i do, then the next day i regret it because i hate hiding it from everyone.. i just wish there was something i could do in between the two but i REFUSE to take pills because i know ill probably get addicted..

i hate the way i am and i wish i could just put the cutter part of me in the past but i dont see it happening .. i go for "strreaks" of like a month or so without doing it but then i want to do it again because i think its the only way ill feel better.

im not really asking for advice i just wanted to state my opinion and hope people understand how i feel instead of making me feel like an emo/psychopath .. you get the picture.

i do the dumbest things .. like ill pull my chain so hard ill feel like its about to break.. or dig one of my fingers into the side of my diamond ring just to feel better. . once i even burnt my wrist on purpose with my iron but pretended it was an accident.. even to myself.

i just keep telling myself as long as im doing stuff like that and not cuttin its ok..

Last edited by Katrina; August 30th 2009 at 02:10 PM. Reason: Merge.
   
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Re: thee thinggg i dont get is.. - August 30th 2009, 02:18 PM

Hey there,

You're right, there are many people on this board going through what you're going through. That isn't to say that you're not important, but just to say that you're not alone. I, personally, have never struggled with self harm myself. So, I'll probably only be able to give you advice to the certain extent of someone who hasn't been there herself.

Self harm, of any sort, is well...harmful. If you're harming yourself, no matter what form it is, I still don't think it's for the best. Obviously, though, there are things you can do that are more healthful than cutting, specifically. Have you checked out TeenHelp's Alternatives List? It has a whole bunch of different things you could do instead of SHing, including things for all different ways that you may be feeling (that's kind of hard to explain, apologies). But, for example, if one day you're feeling lonely, there's a list of things that might make you feel more in touch with the world. If on another day you're feeling angry, there are some alternatives focused on anger management. So, I hope that you'll check that out when you get the chance.

I hate that all the stuff with your boyfriend triggered you back into the addiction that is self harm, but I hope that, with time, your heart will heal and you won't be so inclined to urges to self harm. However, I guess that only time will tell, right?

You're definitely not an "emo/psychopath" and I'm so glad that you're reaching out for help - the first step to recovery is realizing that there is a problem, which you do realize, and reaching out for help, just like you're doing in this post. I think that, if possible, you should take the "reaching out for help" part a step further and put it into the capable hands of a professional, such as your school counselor (which is why they're on campus - to help students) or a psychiatrist or therapist if your parents and you are able to afford it and have time for that.

In the mean time, please try to keep your chin up and hang in there. I can imagine that it's difficult, but you seem like a very strong girl, and I just know you can do it. Take good care of yourself, and keep us updated on how you're doing.



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Re: thee thinggg i dont get is.. - August 31st 2009, 04:19 AM

thanks some days are better than others.. like today im not thinking about it at all. but just like everybody else i have days where im extremely depressed. i just hope i can keep fighting the urges and try to make a "streak" longer than a month or so.. thank you for the suggestions<3
   
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Re: thee thinggg i dont get is.. - August 31st 2009, 04:46 AM

I know you said that you weren't really seeking advice but if it comes down to it, you could try going to see someone like a counsellor etc...

I know a person who had a severe problem with cutting herself and she got a counsellor, should I say has a counsellor and is starting to stop, she hardly cuts anymore, she used to go so far that she'd cut her hair off and extreme things like that on top of cutting herself, but to go and see somebody about a problem is probably a really big step, so I'd only tell you to do so if there's not much else you can do, and if you feel like it could help you.

Plus, just incase you might think so...
Don't feel like there's something wrong with you because you cut,
everyone has different ways which make them feel better, no matter what it is, so don't believe any of us think your "Attention seeking" by self harming because as you said in your post you feel you need to do it and if you don't it's all you can think about.

Cazzum. x


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Re: thee thinggg i dont get is.. - August 31st 2009, 04:58 AM

thankss. i just know people who are so obvious about it and want everyone to know, and i dont wanna look like them you know what i mean? its not something im proud of but i know theres others out there way worse than me. ive only been doing it recently on my left forearm, i used to do my upper arms and thighs too sometimes. so ive calmed down to the point where i dont think its that seriouss.. but thank you
   
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