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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
live.laugh.love
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this never ends well.... - September 5th 2009, 11:47 PM

sixty days. never been this far. and i'm about to lose it.
i remember the exact reason i stopped; "you told me that so many times and you always go and find something else and then you cut and then you complain about how you want to quit, i don't believe you anymore..." and you know at first i thought i was being defiant and not cutting because i wanted to prove him wrong and now it's because i realized i quit because i knew it was hurting him and that's why he said that... not that he was mad but more that he was hurt ... idk.

but i keep playing that scene over and over in my head.
and it makes me guilty that's im sitting here with a razor that happened to be laying around my house... i mean he was right, i have another one but it's not my fault it's in the house though it's my fault it's in my pocket..] =

idk what.
i've tried the alternatives but they're not helping and nobody understands me. and fuck i can feel myself about to give in.


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: this never ends well.... - September 6th 2009, 02:16 PM

as I can see you believe in god and you have a strong faith. God prohibited one cutting himself because your body is not yours as much as something God gave you to respect and take care of. Every time you want to cut pray , sing, write, google something, or read in the bible , it is supposed to make you feel better , if not at least it distracts you from cutting again, make your faith and what YOU believe in the reason that gives you strength to do what ever you want.


If ur at the bottom then cheer it only can go better
If you are lonely then smile
You do not need them to stay alive
If they hurt you bad ,been hurt worst and every thing is just pushing u down...
And even though you are strong enough to survive


p.m me.........I quite like it

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: this never ends well.... - September 6th 2009, 02:45 PM

Hey Cassie, wow, sixty days. That's pretty awesome. Well, it simply is awesome. No matter what happens now you've made it that far. Whether you slip up now or not you have reached that and that is one heck on an achievement, girl! You should be proud of yourself, I know I am. Do you know what got you this far? Your strength. You've fought and battled through sixty days and that shows a lot about you.

You're right, it isn't your fault that that razor was in your house. You didn't have control over whether it was there or not, but you do have control and you do have a choice over what happens to it now. You can chose to get rid of it. You have the strength to, and from your post it sounds like you have the will to as well. You can fight this, Cassie, and you're not fighting it alone.

It's good that you've been trying alternatives, but don't stop. The fact that you've even thought about trying them shows that there's a part of you that wants to fight this urge as well. Focus on that part of you, and keep trying. Try another alternative or even try some again. Just because something doesn't work the first time, it doesn't mean that it wont work given a second chance. As people we all deserve second chances, and so surely we can give an alternative a second chance too?

Take care and remember you're not on your own with any of this.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: this never ends well.... - September 8th 2009, 09:56 PM

ugh, well i've made it this far.
but the urges are still there and i can't talk to anybody about them because people will either not understand or get mad. and i don't know what to do, i keep getting flashes of what it would be like and i keep seeing that razor blade in the drawer and i know exactly where it is.... and i keep trying to forget about it.... but i cant... and i don't know what to do.... i wouldn't mind talking about it with somebody.... but i know how they react because it hurts them.... and they're going to be mad...

i don't get this.
i'm not even depressed and i still want it?
why is that..


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: this never ends well.... - September 9th 2009, 11:07 PM

Hey there Cassie,

First off you should be so proud of yourself for being selfharm free for 60 days thats an amazing accomplisment and dont you forget it.

Do something to distract yourself anything really. Read, write a poem, sing, dance around the house, watch a movie, listen to upbeat music, play a video game, text somebody, call somebody. Anything to get your mind off things. And throw away the blade I know thats hard but you cant hurt yourself if you have nothing to hurt yourself with. Just throw it away and throw it away to wear you wont be able to get to it. Make it impossible for you to find a blade.

You can get through this Cassie. Your a really strong girl and you can beat this addiction its just going to take some time. We all go through days that urges are worse then other and they majorly suck but you getting through it proves how strong that you really are.

You dont have to be depressed to want to cut. You think you need to hurt so you want to make yourself hurt.

You'll get through this keep your head held up high.


   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
live.laugh.love
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Re: this never ends well.... - September 10th 2009, 12:24 AM

but it's so hard to fight.
and everytime i have urges for over a week i give in and it's been about two and they aren't getting ANY better... i can't do this.


when life is in discord; praise ye the Lord

keep your faith alive.
we're not alone <3
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: this never ends well.... - September 10th 2009, 01:34 PM

Hey Cassie,

I am sorry you are struggling but please know that you can make it through this. You are a pretty strong person to have gone so long without the SH and you can continue going on this path.

One thing that might help you make it through this is to consider all the reasons why cutting wouldn't be a good idea.

1. It won't help anything
2. New scars

I know that that helps me when I am having a bad urge sometimes.

Cassie, please hang in there and if you ever need anyone to talk to my pm box is always open.

Jenna


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