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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Arcenciel Offline
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Kind of iffy today. - September 21st 2009, 03:11 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey guys.

So for those who don't know, I had this big epiphany 2 weeks ago and I've decided that I'm basically done with SI forever. I'm never doing it again, and that's that. If you want to know more PM me because it's easier that way :P

My friend who I'm going to visit today (we go to different schools so it's hard to get together, and I am off today so I'm going to pick her up after school) was talking to me and I told her about this big moment in my life, and she doesn't trust me, and wants to throw my tools out FOR me so that she knows I won't do it.
I know I won't do it, and I haven't been the least bit tempted to use the tools that I have in the past 2 weeks, but giving the control away...to someone else who might not do it in a way I would do it...that's just seemingly impossible for me. I think it's something I'd rather do with my counselor, you know?

But if I don't let my friend do it, she won't trust me.

What do I do?
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Re: Kind of iffy today. - September 21st 2009, 03:47 PM

Hey Jenn,

You shouldn't have to throw away the tools if you don't want to. You have to be ready to do that and if you feel safer having them then that is ok and your choice. Your friend can't force you to throw your tools out if you don't want to. I think it is a huge step to take and perhaps right now you might not be ready to take that step. It is ok to tell your friend how you feel about it and it will taking the control away. Perhaps she will be understanding if you explain to her. If you haven't felt tempted to do it in the last two weeks then I don't see why you should have to give away your tools.

I hope it all goes ok. Stay strong
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Re: Kind of iffy today. - September 21st 2009, 05:13 PM

Hi Jenn,

Getting rid of my tools, was possibly the best thing I have done in my road to recovery. It made me feel so much better, and that I could do anything. If you feel unable to get rid of them, then its best let your friend get rid of them for you.

Not having them at easy access makes the recovery period so much better, and a lot easier. Good luck Jenn!!

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Re: Kind of iffy today. - September 21st 2009, 08:36 PM

Maybe your friend would let you throw them out in front of her? So that it's not her who is technically throwing them away.
And if you just don't feel ready to yet, tell her and ask her if maybe she could come over another time soon and you could throw them away in front of her to prove that they're gone?
I'm going to PM you because I'm curious about your epiphany. =]

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Re: Kind of iffy today. - September 21st 2009, 10:09 PM

Hey guys.

I actually forgot in a fit of excitement to bring my tools with me, so I guess I'll do it with my counselor like I had originally planned. That will be on Thursday. Or earlier if I have an "omg yes" moment :P

I will do it though. It's not an option. I also went and talked to my old social worker today which was a nice pick-me-up, and my friend who said she was going to throw my stuff away made me a safety book :P It was great. It's this handbook that has awesome quotes and song lyrics and pictures to make me safe. I felt so happy.

I also found out that the old social worker at my old school who I really really got along with and loved has the same middle name as me :P We have so much in common it's really funny. I told her today that I think I'm her in a second life. Part of me wishes it were true :P
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Re: Kind of iffy today. - September 23rd 2009, 03:18 AM

throwing away my tools was the first step for me. i had to remove the tempation otherwise its to easy to give in. out of sight out of mind pretty much. i think talking to your counsellor is great. try and think about throwing away your tools because you may feel that you wont use them now but down the track you may get strong urges to use them and if they arent there you can use them. anyways good luck!!
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Re: Kind of iffy today. - September 24th 2009, 11:59 AM

Hey there Jennifer,

First off I know I've aleardy told you this but im going to go ahead and say it agian. Yay!!!! Lol Im so proud of you we all are and you should be so so proud of yourself.

Throwing away your tools is a huge step! You should try to be as comfortable as possible when doing that because it can be diffuclt. Could you explain to your friend that its important that you throw them away and not her. Its just not the same when somebody else does it for you. If you wanted to maybe you could arrange it where your consuler and your friends there, that way they both see and know that you threw them away. Plus be there to congratulate you.

I know I've aleardy said this as well but I love your story about your epiphany those moments are awsome.

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iffy, kind, today

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