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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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Kaitlin Offline
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What's wrong with me >.< - October 5th 2009, 03:37 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I was really addicted to cutting for awhile, I'd cut everyday, twice a day or more and it got to be my routine. I never went to bed without cutting. But over spring vacation last year I tried to stop to a point. I had so many scars on my arm it was so obvious, and I didn't want anyone to find out, so I toned down and when I would cut I would cut other places.

It didn't matter though because my school found out so my parents found out and the only reason I'm still hiding it is because I lied and they somehow believed me that it was just a one time thing and I never wanted to do it again ect. ect. Which I still can't believe they bought.

But the scars have been there for half a year now and the truth is I like them. I don't like other people seeing them but I like them for myself and I actually hate seeing them fade. It's at the point I just want to give in and self harm to that extreme again. Because I've been hiding it I've been self injuring less but I'm so sick of not cutting and the truth is I want to

And snapping the rubberband doesn't work for me at all because I need the blood in order to be satisfied. Basically I just don't want to stop and if there was no other factors I'd be selfinjuring all the time again. But I can't and I spend my time imagining I'm cutting and just trying to get through the minutes.

Does anyone else have this. Where you don't want to stop but have to? Is there anyway to make me want to stop or anything. Im desperate because even though I don't want to I need to stop and none of the tricks I've tried do anything but trigger me more
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Re: What's wrong with me >.< - October 5th 2009, 05:45 PM

Hey Kaitlin,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. It sounds like you have got loads going on right now and are stuck in the wanting to self harm but you don't want to self harm. I think you have done amazingly well to have reduced your self harm because that takes so much strength.

I can relate to what you have said about scars fading. I hate it when they fade too and sometimes it makes me want to do it again. But you need to think to yourself do you want to have loads of scars all over you, which people may ask you about at a later date and maybe not able to wear short sleeves. It isn't worth it.

Have you ever tried anything like drawing on yourself with red pen? I know it isn't the same as seeing the blood but it may help. Also you might like to check out the alternatives thread because that has loads of suggestions of things you can do other than self harm.

Stay strong
   
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Re: What's wrong with me >.< - October 5th 2009, 06:34 PM

hi. i ccan kind of relate. i have people in my life who i lied to about my cutting and now i have to hide it. i hate when my scars fade away/ i dont want to stop but i dont want people to know.
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