A girl on my team

[Star Crow]

There's this girl on my soccer team who's kind of obviously cutting herself. I know this because I've been paying attention to her body language and I've also noticed new cuts over the past few weeks. I don't know this girl that well, but do you think I should bring it up with her? If I brought it up I would say something along the lines of it's easier to stop if you start trying earlier than it is once the problem gets really bad. Either that or I could tell her Dad because he's one of my assistant soccer coaches. Or I could do nothing because in general parents forget about the problem after a while and nothing is solved and the person goes back to cutting again. Even therapy doesn't work a lot of the time. So pretty much should I leave this alone or do something?

[Sin]

I think u should talk to this girl. But give her the opportunity to tell u herself instead of u telling her u no she's cutting. She might not appreciate that, but she might like a friend to talk to.

I do not think its a good idea to go to her dad. Thats taking the control away from her and might make matters worse. Make it clear your someone she can come and talk to and take it from there.

Sin x

[UltraViolet]

I dont think telling her dad about it would do her any favours.
If you want to do anything to try and help, then support her.
Like talk to her, dont dive in straight away and ask her about it.
Try and get to know her. If you really think that someone should know, then maybe a teacher or school nurse?
Hope it goes ok
xxx

[Star Crow]

I don't know her well enough for her to tell me and by the time i get to know her the entire problem would have progressed past the early stage because I'm pretty sure she just started. I think a bunch of people know now though so I'm hoping she'll talk to someone.

I agree I wouldn't tell her Dad unless I thought she was a danger to herself. I would never tell anyone in the school though. Any teacher or nurse i could tell would be required to go to the counselors. Thats just a less direct route to her parents. It would give her the chance to explain herself, but the counselors are held liable if you accidentally kill yourself so her parents would probubly find out.

[Thurineth]

Just speak to her and get to know her, If you mention it, she'll probably lose all faith in you, just become her friend and support her.

[Star Crow]

Ok I guess I just won't mention it then because for soccer our last game is next week and we have no classes together besides chorus and we both have our own groups of friends there. We'll probubly be on the same soccer team next year and we'll have chorus together again so if I see that it gets worse I might just talk to someone in the school.

[duckiedancer]

If I were you, I would become really good friends with her and then find out about her story. By doing that, you are able to see why she SH and why she should stop. Make sure that you let her know that you are always there for her.

I personally think that you should still talk to her, because within a year, she can become even worse. You could perhaps have a soccer party and invite everyone on your team. You then could see if she would want to get together sometime.
Good luck!

[primal moo]

If you're shy about bringing the cutting up out of the blue (which seems kinda natural to me, since you hardly know each other), maybe say something like, "Hey, I kinda get the feeling that there's a lot on your mind right now" rather than point straight at her arms and legs. If she wants to talk and opens up, maybe later you can tell her why you clued in.

[Star Crow]

I am a really intoverted person. Usually somone has to ask me to hang out. I could never throw a party because I'd sit in a corner and be anti-social. I sat next to this girl in math all last year and talked to her and everything and we were never more than aquaintences.

I am shy about bringing up cutting out of the blue, but I would be more shy inviting her to my house. I feel like she has just started cutting and if I tell her how bad it gets she might make a commitment to stop. This also means I need to catch her alone. Which is really hard to do because she always is surrounded by her friends. If I can catch her alone I could tell her how messed up my ankle is now and how much I skrewed up my life but I feel like that would be a long conversation which I wouldn't have time to have with her. I could pm her on facebook but that's so impersonal.

[Thirteen]

Maybe leave an anonymous letter to her? But don't say she's cutting. Maybe say something about how you think something is wrong, and you'd be willing to talk to her, and give her your locker number to leave a note back with a way for you two to keep in touch?

[DarkSeph]

Try to get to know her more. Chances are if she is self-harming she could really do with a friend and someone to talk to.
I think getting to know her and be her friend might be a little easier than bringing up whether she is self harming out of the blue, and it would make it a lot easier for her to trust you and talk about it.

[Total Light Storm]

Hey,
I agree with the previous posters on this one, try getting to know her, build her trust, maybe you guys can talk after practice or during practice, not about cutting, but just anything. Approach her in a way that doesn't show you suspect something, if she feels you think somethings wrong with her or something, she'll have a really hard time trusting you. Try organizing times when you guys can hang out, at either the mall or something; you could invite her over to your house, or once she knows you and feels safe around you or at leasts wants to be your friend, she might start suggesting activities.
I also agree with the locker idea on this one, that way she finds someone to trust, maybe eventually, you will get totell her who you are and she'll accept you for wanting to help her if SH comes up.
You say you think she is at the begining stages of cutting, if you notice it getting really bad, for example, the cuts start to get really deep or there are tons of them, I'd recommend going to your school counselors about the issue. Or, if your school has it, you could go online and submit a form to the counselors, my school has this on there site though I've never used it, your name is kept confidential and you have the option to choose to be asked questions farther or not to stay involved. You could tell them her nameand that you notice her cuts and you think she is cutting, that'd help her because the school will be able to help her by talking with her about why she SH's and talking to her parents and her about options on how to get her help; for example therapy.
I hope this has been helpful in some way to you, let me know if I've helped.
Good luck with this.

[Star Crow]

the locker idea is definitely a good one. Maybe I could cc an e-mail to her but i have a feeling that would go to spam. She also probubly wouldn't repy. So I may have to bring up cutting in the letter. I could tell her my story without haveing her know who I am and I think she would understand that and at least read it.

It's so close to school being over that I don't think I'm going to be able to get to know her before then. The earliest we could even be friends could be next fall. If I do the plays and stuff I think I'll get to know her that way as well. It's just going to take longer than I want to bring it up.

[Ella.x]

I think the anonymous letter in her locker is a really good idea - that way neither of you would feel awkward talking to each other about it as you don't know each other that well. In the letter it might be an idea to tell her a bit about your story and let her know she's not alone - maybe put some phone numbers for helplines, and some of the alternatives from the alternatives sticky in the letter. You could even give her the teenhelp website as well.

As you said, getting to know her and become her friend will obviously take some time, but if you do the letter as well, then at least she will know that someone is concerned and hopefully she will be able to stop before it gets worse.

It's great that you're so concerned about her. It kind of gives me hope knowing that people who don't know you can care so much.

Ella x

[Star Crow]

Ok I think I'm definitly going to do the locker thing. I'll try to find it soon. Telling her about this site is good. Then I could become friends with her and we could communicate. Maybe I'd need a new account though because she'd easily be able to figure out who I was by the posts. am I allowe to make another account?

[JackOffJill]

Even though facebook is impersonal and all, it would be a way for you to be like hey. i know we dont know each other well but it seemed like a lot has been on your mind......or something. I wouldnt come out and directly accuse her of cutting. In the past I have had people directly accuse me of having an eating disorder when I dont and it really made me mad- so even if I had one I wouldnt have admitted it to them. I think that if you directly asked her about cutting she would feel put off and would just push away. I know thats its difficult because you dont know her. But since you said that its towards the end of the school year and you dont know her well, facebook may be a way to try to reach out a little. But if you do that, you have to be prepared for the fact that she may not reply. I hope that you are able to figure out what you want to do about the situation.

[Star Crow]

Originally Posted by JackOffJill

Even though facebook is impersonal and all, it would be a way for you to be like hey. i know we dont know each other well but it seemed like a lot has been on your mind......or something. I wouldnt come out and directly accuse her of cutting. In the past I have had people directly accuse me of having an eating disorder when I dont and it really made me mad- so even if I had one I wouldnt have admitted it to them. I think that if you directly asked her about cutting she would feel put off and would just push away. I know thats its difficult because you dont know her. But since you said that its towards the end of the school year and you dont know her well, facebook may be a way to try to reach out a little. But if you do that, you have to be prepared for the fact that she may not reply. I hope that you are able to figure out what you want to do about the situation.

I have been paying attention for three weeks. She definitly cuts. I'm going with the locker idea but if I tell her about the site I'm going to have to get this post deleted or get a new account. I don't want her to know about this if she ever comes on.

Hey moderators, Is it possible for this post to be deleted?

[Thirteen]

Originally Posted by Andy Elf

Hey moderators, Is it possible for this post to be deleted?

I'm not a moderator, though I'll tell you right now, that if you registered with the username "Andy Elf", I'm pretty sure you have the option to change your username if you click here. And you can request to have this thread closed by PMing a moderator. I don't know if they'll delete it, but they will close it for sure.

Hope this helps!

[Star Crow]

do you think they could lock it or something? Well I'll just Pm them

[Thurineth]

yeah they'd lock it and if you wait a week then it will probably not show up on the first page of threads in this catagory

[*Jen*]

I am closing this thread since Andy has asked me to.