Here we go again. :/

[hiximxolivia]

Well.. first of all I'd like to say I'm new here so sorry if I'm breaking any forum rules. I checked, hopefully thoroughly enough =X
I used to cut to cope with mild obsessive compulsive disorder and panic attacks. I stopped during a 6 month period due to a wonderful relationship with a boy who I'm in love with..it ended abruptly. I understand that high school relationships are not meant to last forever, but this one was more than promising. We had been through the death of two friends and several personal struggles. He left me to "discover himself", promising he would return, and now I'm left waiting.
This combination of losing faith in everything I believed in and a lack of positive attention began perpetual serious self harm, regardless of my location. I'm able to cut and burn myself in public and nobody notices..in addition to surface damage I've started taking drugs and have become bulimic (the latter due to the "skinnier" me he's begun hanging out with. Size 2 is pushing it I guess.)
I believe I may be on the border of suicide, as I've lost the only person I truly ever cared about, and the person who pulled me out of my previous serious depression.
All comments are appreciated..thank you.

[DarkSeph]

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through something like that. There's very little that's more difficult than losing the most important person to you and not even knowing why they left.

It is possible to get through this. As for your bf, you don't "discover yourself" by breaking up with someone you love and going alone, so he either had some other reason and it was an excuse or is just a confused individual. The best thing you can do now is keep in mind you're not alone. Talk to friends or anyone you can about anything on your mind and ask for support, and try to find things you enjoy doing to take your mind off everything. If you ever need to talk feel free pm too. Best of luck and hang in there.

[Em...]

Hello Olivia,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a rough time like this. I know that it must be really hard. I'm happy that you were able to post about it though because that shows that you're willing to take advice and you actually want some help for this. So kudos to you.

I'm sure you know that the coping mechanisms that you are using to help you get through this are not appropriate. The bulimic activity along with the self harm put together are not a smart combination and I hope you realise that there are better ways to cope. I highly recommend that you look at the sticky in the forum on self-harm alternatives. The alternatives are categorised by feelings and there are hundreds there so look through them and I'm sure you'll find something that you enjoy and you will see helps you in these times instead of the self harm and the purging.

To anyone, losing a person you care about and not even having a clear understanding of why is really difficult. That's why there are people around you that are willing to support you during this tough time. However people won't know that you're having a difficult time unless you make the effort to tell them. Thus talking to someone can really help. Whether it be your parents or a sibling, a trusted adult or someone you just feel really comfortable with, it's important that you do let someone know how you're feeling that way they can help you.

Maybe even talking to him could help you find a bit of satisfaction. Let him know how you're feeling and maybe get a clearer answer as to why he left. Sometimes it may help, but please keep in mind that it could go the other way as well, so take caution with this if you choose to try to get in touch with him.

Olivia, heartbreaks happens, life throws curve balls at us when we don't expect it, and there are so many things that are going to test you in life, and how you deal with all of these things in important. Finding healthy alternatives to replace your bad coping skills is really important.

I know it's difficult to maybe hear some of these things but it's all true. Olivia, I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I have full faith in you that you'll make it out. Please if you want to talk don't hesitate to PM me. Please take care love.

[hiximxolivia]

Thank you both. I'll definitely try to find some alternatives..but friends I worry about because all of mine are close to him, too. :/ And I do try to talk to him..I just wish I had him back more than anything and I don't know what to do..