A struggle

[kitkat_kate]

Tonight was a stressful night...which isn't a big deal usually. It really isn't. I am doing so much better when it comes to dealing with my urges to self-harm, I have been making do. I can handle it. But tonight was so much different.

I journaled and crocheted. And now I'm here. I haven't hurt myself yet. And I don't think I will. But I don't understand why, when I know how much pain it caused, how bad it is for me, and can look at scars and remember the WORST moments of my life with no other prompting, why would I add to that pain.

Why would I continue to document my life in scars on my body where they never go away?

Does anyone else feel this way? I just think I'm so alone.

[Celestial.]

Hey Katie.

I'm glad to hear you're doing well dealing with your urges. It sounds like you've got good distraction techniques in place, and you're

I think you'll find that many people who self harm have a kind of love/hate relationship with it. I know that however much I hated hurting myself, I was addicted to it, and I still miss it.

When you've come to rely on something, even if it's something bad, you'll generally find that once you stop relying on it, you miss it, regardless of what it was. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I just wanted to say, you're not alone, and I'm here if you need to talk.

Take care.