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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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I miss it..... - April 14th 2011, 02:26 AM

i stopped cutting like 2 and a halfish months ago because my parents found out and i started therapy. but now im just like bored with therapy, like if i go in there and dont have anything i want to talk about we'll end up just talking about pointless things like how we celebrate different holidays....thats not what my parents are paying for. and my parents seem to not care as much anymore. like they sometimes act like its a hassel to take me to my appointments and dont really say anything about it anymore. i havent cut because i dont want to lie to my therapist, even tho she barely knows anything about me, but im starting to really miss it. like it was my thing. it was my secret from my family and the one thing that i felt would never change. the ppl in my life, friends and family, are all changing, some friends have even stopped talking to me for reasons that i dont even understand. but i control this so itll always be there. i know it wont get bad because i wont let it so whats so wrong with me just wanting to color on my arm or other parts of my body?
   
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Re: I miss it..... - April 14th 2011, 03:11 AM

Hey Erika.

Going without self harm for such a long time is great, so I want to congratulate you on that. I'd also like to direct your attention towards our list of alternatives, which you might like to try.

Therapy can be difficult. I've been there, and I know how awkward, uncomfortable, and sometimes pointless it can seem, but even if you talk about seemingly irrelevant things, your therapist is still getting to know you, and it might help later on. Therapy shouldn't be easy. It shouldn't be comfortable, or relaxing. It should challenge you, because how else are you to grow? You're in therapy to try to work through the pain, the emotions, the things you probably don't want to talk about, so even if you don't want to talk about it, it would probably help to do it anyway.

It's probably not that your parents don't care anymore. Maybe it's that they're giving you time or space, or just waiting to see what happens. They might feel it's better if they don't talk about it much, because they think you're probably talking about it during therapy and that's enough.

It's common to miss self harm. It's been something you relied on, something you maybe even enjoyed, and now you're trying to get it out of your life. But, as I'm sure you know, self harm isn't a healthy coping mechanism, and it's definitely better to have it out of your life, don't you think? It can be hard to let go, but it's the right thing to do.

I understand using self harm to achieve a sense of stability, but the thing about life is that change is inevitable. People grow, develop, drift apart... that's just how it goes. Instead of trying to cling to one apparently stable thing, why not try and let yourself grow and change as well? If nothing changed, there'd be no butterflies, after all. You could also try thinking of other things you can control, such as how you wear your hair, what colour you paint your nails, whether you go for a walk or stay inside. You don't need self harm, and you'll be stronger without it.

I also understand wanting to have something that's entirely yours, that nobody knows about and that you have all the control over, but I also know that self harm can hold you back, it can make you feel downright awful, and it's better to work through the reasons behind your self harm that just carry on with the habit.

You say you won't let it get bad, but you know what? Any form of self harm is bad. You're deliberately hurting yourself, and that's not something that happy and healthy people should do. I suggest you try opening up to your therapist; s/he's there to help, after all, and the more they know, the better they can do that. If you don't feel comfortable actually talking, you could try writing them a letter instead?

Good luck with everything.


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Re: I miss it..... - April 14th 2011, 03:19 AM

I self-harmed for 6 painful years. I tried to end my life just 4 months ago. My boyfriend decided to randomly call right when i was about to. The next day before school he gave me a single rose and a stuffed giraffe and told me how much he loved me. He had no idea what I had planned. I told him and ever since he has been helping me cope with my addiction.
   
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Re: I miss it..... - April 14th 2011, 04:41 AM

i feel like i connect better with younger people and my therapist is almost 60. i find it awkward to talk to her as if im talking to my mom and id never want to talk to my mom about this stuff, but i dont really have an option of switching. :/ but ill take a look at the alternatives list to see if theres anything and maybe if i just stop thinking about it ill be ok? wouldnt hurt to try i suppose
   
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Re: I miss it..... - April 14th 2011, 10:39 AM

I know the feeling of not connecting with your therapist. The first one I saw seemed to think completely differently to me, so I couldn't really connect with her. But then I found another one, who I could actually open up to, if only a little.

Why do you say that switching isn't an option?

With the alternatives, it's a matter of trial and error. Some will appeal to you more than others, and it will depend on the particulars of the situation too, so just find what works for you.

What I found when I decided to stop self harming was that if I had my mind on something else, there was less room for the bad stuff. Do you have any hobbies? Is there something, like a project, that you've been wanting to do for a while? For me, I threw myself into my writing, and that gave me a nice long distraction, but you can try anything that would work for you, like, I don't know, knitting, or running, or scrapbooking - whatever you feel like, as long as it's safe.

Good luck!


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then you hide or keep on running
'cause she's slain the gods before.
   
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Re: I miss it..... - April 15th 2011, 02:39 AM

i feel like switching isnt an option because i think my mom went thro some trouble finding the place i go to now. if i switched id want a whole new place because i wouldnt want to have to see my current one since shed know i switched because i didnt want her as my therapist. i have nothing against her i just dont open up well to older adults and shes almost 60. id do better with someone younger :/
   
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