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Self Harm If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm and needs advice or alternatives, we're here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Gidig Offline
Optimistic pessimist
I can't get enough
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Name: Maria
Age: 27
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...Uncontrollable. - April 18th 2011, 09:22 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I want to cut and cut and cut for days and days. I want to fucking die. So bad. I don't think I could explain completely, because if I could everyone who cares even a little bit about me would let me die.

Self harm is the closest thing I have until I have the courage to move forth with what I want. I want self harm to lead to the end of my life because it's overtaken my life already, ruined my life. I'll have scars for the rest of my life. I'll always have friends and coworkers asking. But NO ONE gives a fucking damn about me.

Everyone is wrapped up in their own FUCKING lives. I help everyone I can, every day. I give my manager advice for fucks sake, but no one can take thirty seconds and ask me how I really am. No one can take a second glance and see that the neatly lined up cuts on my arm, weren't a drunken accident.

What the hell am I supposed to do? My mind won't switch off this even with my usual distractions that work most of the time. I. Want. To. Die.

The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Counted Heart. Offline
Sweeter philosophy.
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Re: ...Uncontrollable. - April 18th 2011, 09:56 AM

Hey Maria. How are you, really?

I care. I know how hard it is, when you're struggling and people don't seem to notice or care, but there are always people who do. The thing is, sometimes people do get caught up in their own lives, so much so that they don't realise those around them are hurting. It doesn't necessarily make them selfish or uncaring; just temporarily distracted. If you open up them, even a little, it might help.

I know how you feel, not being able to explain it completely, but maybe you don't have to. Try explaining bits and pieces, letting people in one step at a time. You don't have to be completely open, not all at once anyway. Just give it time - which I know is probably not what you want to hear, but it's solid advice.

If your regular distractions aren't working, why not try new or different ones? Here's our list (I'm putting the link here to make it easier to get to, because I know you're aware we have it and could probably find it in a heartbeat). If there are any you haven't tried, now's as good a time as any.

It might help to take some time out for yourself. Holidays are great, if you have the time and money, but even simple things like a relaxing bubble bath, a refreshing jog, or taking some time out each day to spend on leisure, can help. Know that you deserve help, as much as anyone, and know that you are better than this.

When people aren't noticing you're hurting, sometimes the best idea is just to tell them. They might want to help, but be unsure how they can; or they might not know you need help, but would be eager to give it if they did. Just be honest, and you might be surprised with the reaction.

Self harm has not ruined your life. You can bounce back from this. Yes, you may always have scars, and you may always have people asking about them, but don't let that get you down. It might take time, but try and learn to live with them. They're part of you, not something you should feel like you have to explain or be ashamed of.

I hope I've helped a bit, and I hope things get better soon.

Take care.

let no science fix our path
if only numbers make its math.
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