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Name: Call me Ark
Age: 22
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Location: Who cares I'm probably dead.

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Join Date: April 25th 2011

My long piece of shit story about myself. - May 9th 2011, 03:47 AM

Me... I hate the subject of it. I wish people would just not even look at me. Of course people look at you all the time when you look like your too big for your age, have long hair, have no sense of the latest fashion, have a horrible looking face, never smile, have an emo attitude, dress almost in all black, draw death and destruction, always carry a knife, and have cuts that you hide.

"Haha haha... makes me wanna give it all up..."

I always say that when I'm trying to sound sarcastic after I tell somebody my problems, even though I mean it. I don't have the worse problems in the world but I'm depressed. I mean I don't have cancer, I don't get abused by people (not counting myself), and I'm not in a mental hospital. Most people would say I'm living the good life, but in all truthfulness I don't feel like it. Sometimes people actually will turn another direction just to avoid me, I know it's me because Iím the only one, and theyíll admit it thinking I canít hear them.
If you haven't figured out yet, yes I do cut myself. I can't much anymore because my knives got confiscated when I brought one to school and got suspended. I do still get cuts every once in a while from accidents. Unfortunately I don't get scars even though I cut. I guess it's because I don't cut deep enough. I don't want to cut deep because people will actually notice and possibly even care for me. If they do they can report me and I can get booked into an insane asylum and there arenít any I know of in Utah. Since I have no knives I guess I could use a kitchen one... but last time I used a kitchen knife I cut the side of my palm really bad.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to hide this from the desktop of my computer.(Using word.)

I wrote everything above around seven months ago. I did have my birthday in January but no one even sent me an email. I feel like shit but that may be because I canít sleep at night anymore. I found that yes I still cut myself occasionally but not as often. Itís getting harder to hide them and thatís really the only reason why. I think I may soon die because the Razor Iím using that I extracted from a pencil sharpener ten months ago is rusting and is so weak I have to push extremely hard into my skin.
People always say all over the world that people who cut themselves are doing it for attention. All I know is that I have a good reason for doing it. Let me try and set the scene for you.
Before I cut : ďIím so depressed
After I cut : ďIím gonna-ÖWait my arm stingsÖ Oh yeah.Ē
The reason I write this is out of complete boredom because I randomly found it after I was trying to find stuff in my C: drive. In fact the only reason Iím here is because I canít sleep. I might as well go make a new document talking randomly about my plans for a possible Zombie Apocalypse and for different scenarios. No one but me will probably read this but if youíre not myself then either get out of my computer or I ended up publishing this for some reason. Whatever...

That was 1 month ago. Now Iím seeing a counselor. Iíve been diagnosed with depression and have been told that I filter everything so much that I donít react to it. Someone can for no reason call me a retard and Iíll just stand there. Doing absolutely nothing.

1 month ago I found this. I also found the teenhelp website. If you read through this, Thank you.
   
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Re: My long piece of shit story about myself. - May 9th 2011, 10:39 AM

Not sure what to say, but I hope your feeling better now x
   
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