How to get it off your mind?

[9Lives]

I’ve really been wanting to cut lately. Every single day for the past week, I get the urge and it never seems to leave my mind. Tonight I was so close to it and the only thing that stopped me was my friend knocking on my door. (She knows but really couldn’t care less.)


I’ve tried most of the alternatives and they just don’t work for me. I usually end up watching some comedy or listening to music very loudly to get it off my mind, but with my finals in 2 weeks, I can’t keep doing that. But when I study, my mind constantly drifts back to it.


I’ve been SH-free for several months now. But now, I really don’t care if I have to start my count all over again. I don’t even know why I want to cut. Maybe it’s the stress of exams or maybe it’s this feeling of monotony inside, but I just really want to cut, because in my mind, it’ll make me feel better and make everything else better. But nothing’s really wrong with my life now. Do I really need a reason to cut? Can’t I just cut because I want to? It seems a stupid reason to cut, but now I’m thinking that if I give in and do it, it won’t be on mind anymore. And I just know it’ll make me feel better after.


How do I get rid of the urges? I’m just so tired of fighting it. I just really want to give in and just do it. The main reason I started trying to quit was because I didn’t want to hurt myself to feel better, but now I don’t care and if hurting myself is the only way to feel better, then why not? I’ll gladly trade in my months of being SH-free if it means I get to feel better and get it off my mind so I can study for my finals.

[Palmolive]

Hey there.

Firstly I am really sorry that you're struggling with self harm. It's a horrible place to be in and you don't deserve it at all.

It's really good that you've been using some alternatives to self harm. It's in fact a really positive thing to do and I am proud of you for doing so. It's also good that you have found two things which work well for you.

You say it's hard to distract yourself because right now you're studying a lot and you need to get on with that but I was wondering if you could work for ten and have a break for five and in that five minute break you could play some loud music or watch some comedy. It might help break it all up a bit.

It sounds like you're thinking a lot and I want to suggest you keeping a log or a diary about how you're feeling and the thoughts you're having to try and help you rest a bit. Sometimes when something is on our mind so much it can become really overwhelming but when we get it out it can help. You could even try talking to someone about your thoughts and feelings. Having support there can be really beneficial.

There is no easy way to beat self harm, what ever way you do it, it's going to be hard. You have to keep trying new distractions to find others that help but keep on using the ones you know work already as well. Don't give up on them because these are the things which can pull you through at the darkest of hours.

Going several months of being self harm free is absolutely amazing and is something to hold on to. You've clearly beaten it before and I honestly believe you can carry on doing so, so don't give up!

Look after yourself.
Jessie

[9Lives]

Thanks Jessie for your support.

I do keep a diary, but lately it hasn’t been helping. I can’t put it into words why I feel the need to cut. And last time I cut, writing in the diary was kinda counterproductive since I ended up convincing myself it was okay to cut. As for talking to someone, there’s no one in my life that I can talk to about this.

And I’ve tried studying for ten and distracting myself for five minutes, but I usually end up spending way more than the five minutes and while it’s good that I’m distracted, I’m also not studying. And with the amount of material I have to study in the next 2 weeks, this is not good at all. It just makes me want to cut even more because I should be studying and I’m not.

I’d really rather cut now than have to deal with this urge and trying to distract it for the next 2 weeks. At least if I cut, I’ll feel better, the urge will be gone and I can focus on studying. If I don’t, I’ll still feel like shit, the urge will still be there, but if I’m able to distract myself, I won’t be studying, I’ll fail my exams and that’s an even better reason to cut, right? It really seems like a no-brainer to me.

But thanks for your support and encouragement Jessie. It’s nice that you care. Thanks.