Non-PG13 (Strong Language): disgusted

[blackrabbit]

I don't really know what I'm doing. I cut a couple weeks ago so the wounds already healed but I whenever I hold something sharp it all comes back and I think how nice it would be to feel the cold blade go through my wrist and how it would make everything just go away even for a few minutes. I feel like I'm some fucked up little bitch all the time, like I don't need to do this but I find myself slipping back into all the time!
It was so hard hiding the cuts from my parents and everyday i thought to myself "why the fuck did I do this to myself!?" I know I'm old enough to deal with things normally but whenever something really bad happens, I just panic and can't deal with it. I end up cutting, and I hate it!
It had been so long since I cut the last time, and I thought I had finally beaten it, but I fuckin' failed...I'm disgusted by myself!
I'm sorry for ranting on here but I feel like I need to help. Am I crazy? Am I just being stupid or is this something I should probably seek help for?

[Nicole!]

You aren't crazy, lots of people suffer with self harm and have a hard time quitting. I myself am one of those people.
Have you tried any alternatives? Here is a list: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/
I would tell a parent or trusted adult about this too. Have you ever considered going into therapy? It can be very helpful to have someone you can rant to.
If those alternatives don't work, then I would try and just reduce how often you cut until you can get on without doing it. You could always hide any sharp objects if possible too. Out of sight, out of mind.