Just had my first relapse

[Lullaby857]

The last time I cut before last night was the middle of July. I've wanted to since then, and some days were worse than others, but it wasn't until last night that I finally gave in. I used to cut until I bled, and this time I didn't go deep enough to bleed, but I know it was still self-harm. I did another couple cuts again this morning, and again they didn't bleed, so they're not as serious as they used to be. But I know that doesn't make it any better.

I never got help the first time. I told one friend, who promised not to tell anyone, and she doesn't know that I started again. I don't plan on telling her because she threatened to tell my parents if I cut again. Other than that, no one knew, unless they figured it out themselves and never said anything. I don't know what caused me to follow through with the cutting this time, because my life hasn't really gotten any better/worse since I stopped.

I kind of want to cut right now, but then again, I always want to, but this urge isn't quite as strong as it was last night. As of now, I'm sure I can resist, but I don't know how long it will last. I just don't know what to do at this point. I don't know whether or not I can just leave it at these few cuts. I feel like I'm going to start again, and that it will end up like last time, where I couldn't go half a week without cutting. I just need some advice right now. Thanks.

[Amberpamber]

Hey, let me start off by saying congrats for going so long SH free! That is a huge accomplishment and I know how hard it is. 2ndly, don't worry too much about the fact that you relapsed, slipups happend. It doesn't necessarily make it "ok" to let happen but if they do after fighting so long just pick yourself up and continue forward. Here is a great link to look at that explains many alternatives to SH. You may also PM me anytime if you wish to talk.

[Childish Giggle]

Hey there
Firstly, congrats on going without SH for more than 6 months! It is a great achievement and shouldn't be treated lightly. I am proud of you
Don't be disheartened because of this relapse. You have been doing a great job. Part of recovering from Self Harm are slip ups and relapses. It is okay. We all slip at one point or the other. What matters is that we get back on our feet and try to stop again. Congratulate yourself on your achievement and try again because you have done it once, so I can say confidently that you can do it again!
Try to find out your trigger, and use distractions like Amber suggested. Apart from that, please get professional help. It'll help you get better. Here 's a thread to know where to get help. I hope this helps you.
I am always here if you need to talk.
Stay strong <3

[Celestial.]

Hi there,

The thing is, relapses happen. Even most people well on the way to recovery would admit to having had a relapse or two in the past. It doesn't mean you can't move on from it, or that you can't beat this. I know it's disheartening, but you just have to do your best to pick yourself up and try again.

Sometimes things don't get worse or better, but the fact that they stay the same makes you feel worse. Does that make sense? For me, I relapsed because things just weren't getting better - they weren't getting worse either, but that didn't matter so much. No matter what the reason for your relapse, remember that you can always learn to deal with it and get better.

Unless you plan on relying on self harm forever, you're going to have to stop sometime, right? So why not do it sooner rather than later? It sounds like you're at a point where you're not sure if recovery is worth it, or whether it's better just to lose yourself in the relapse. But the longer you keep letting yourself fall into this cycle, the longer it will last, and the harder it will be to overcome.

I'd recommend finding someone to talk to about it, whether it's a friend, family member, or even counsellor. You don't have to do this alone. There are people who want to help you, and you should let them. The alternatives Amber linked you to are also worth a look; I hope some of them help.

Good luck with everything.

[Speckled Gecko]

Hi,
I agree with what everyone has said before me. Well done on such a huge break from SH. That is a massive achievement!! My friend struggled with it for many many years and relapsed nearly evry month or so. However, now they have been SH free for about two years!! This shows that no matter how disappointed you are with a relapse, you can still stop for good! SH can become an addiction and the quicker you can stop it from becoming a habit again the better.
Well done, do not be disheartened and distract yourself as much as possible from it.
Message me if you ever wanna talk!
Sophie Xx

[BillieGirl]

Hey, you did great for not SH for so long you should be proud of your self!!

Like people said before me relapse's happen, you are a very strong girl for not doing it for so long, its an adictive behaviour and you might not ever got past wanting to do it but i will get easier!
I wish you the best of luck!!

Billie

[Lullaby857]

Thank you such much for all the advice you guys have given me. I guess I am proud for going so long without cutting, and that I managed to resist doing it any more yesterday! You're right when you said I'm not sure whether or not to bother resisting. And if relapses are a part of recovery, then I guess I'm even closer to stopping to good, right? When I get back to school tomorrow, I'll really consider talking to the counselor about it. I guess I'm just scared of what other people will think. My friend thought I was a freak for cutting, and she still bugs me about it from time to time. Since she's the only one who knows, I seem to think that everyone will react the same. Thanks again, and I'll definitely check out that other thread.

[TheBabyEater]

Quitting isn't about never doing it again, it's about the act of trying. Just keep hanging in there, before you know it, it'll be months again, then a year, then 5 years.

[Childish Giggle]

Originally Posted by Lullaby857

When I get back to school tomorrow, I'll really consider talking to the counselor about it. I guess I'm just scared of what other people will think. My friend thought I was a freak for cutting, and she still bugs me about it from time to time. Since she's the only one who knows, I seem to think that everyone will react the same. Thanks again, and I'll definitely check out that other thread.

I know what you mean! We try to get courage to tell one person and if that one person does not react how we want them to, that kind of makes us not try again. But I am glad that you're considering talking to the school counselor. Even if you are not able to muster enough courage to see the counselor within a day, don't worry. You have taken a step and you will get there soon. Even considering talking to them is a big achievement!
Keep us updated on how it went