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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
lemon Offline
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Exclamation My friend is being abused... (May be triggering, I marked it as such to make sure) - April 7th 2009, 09:40 PM

I really have no idea if I should be posting this or not, but I really feel like I should talk about it.

My best friend (She and I are both 15 years old.) has been having problems with her parents at home. It pretty much started when she came out as bi to them. Her parents, mostly her mom, have have recently started abusing her. They hit her on her sides, and her back. It happened first at the end of March, she had her phone and accidentally called me and I heard her yelling and screaming... I had no idea what to do, so I didn't do anything, which I now regret deeply. She texted me later and I asked her what had happened and she told me her mom hit her. I thought it would just go away but last night she texted me and some other friends saying, "Goodbye everyone. I love you guys." I immediately texted her back asking her what she was talking about and she just kept saying "bye". I started begging her not to do anything stupid, and she agreed that she'd not kill herself, she said she just needed to calm down a bit. I told her that she had to talk to someone today but she said that they'd either think she was lying or just send her to her aunt in Missouri, and she'd rather stay with me and her other friends. I told her I'd go with her to talk to a counselor at school, but she still wouldn't. (BTW I saved all the text messages from last night, and the phone call last month.)

I really want to tell someone, but I don't want her to be mad or be sent away. I want to help so bad, but I can't think of anything to do. Can anyone give me any advice on what to do about this?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friend is being abused... (May be triggering, I marked it as such to make sure) - April 7th 2009, 10:24 PM


I'd just like to say that you're in no way wrong for posting this. You're confused and concerned. You're not breaking her trust by confiding in us because this is completely confidential. We're here to help and hopefully guide you into the right decision with this situation. I'm sorry one of your close friends is going through something so horrible. Abuse is wrong, no right can be said about it. Though, there are different degrees of abuse, this one sounds bad. You can decide that better than I can. Someone who can decide this even better is your friend.

I strongly recommend being there for your friend. I understand right now you're doing all you can, but now I think you should try and get more involved in her physical presence. Try and get a little more information from her and discuss how she feels. This way you can be sure about what the right move to make is. Hang out with her and let her know how much you care, support and love is very much desired in these situations. She needs to be able to vent about her parents so she doesn't become overwhelmed (even more) and attempt suicide. Because she has already mentioned this, you should also discuss this with her. I recommend talking to her about going to a counselor and maybe print off a couple of survival stories of abuse. We have many stories here on TH that might help motivate her to come forward herself. Before you do anything, give her that option and reinforce it. If she does have to move away, show her how much contact you two would have and discuss means of communication. Try and find something positive to strike out each of her negative thoughts. Right now, positive is what she needs. I do truly believe telling someone, in her case, would do her the best.

If possible, try and involve her other close friend. The one that knows as well as you. Both of you can discuss your feelings and think of a plan of action. Remember, if this becomes too much of a burden on you, tell your parents. It might make things move a little faster, but we don't want you getting stressed out as well. It's important not to forget about your needs in these types of situations. It can often happen easily. So, don't forget to have time to yourself too and remember that you're helping and things are going to get better at their own pace. Things are very good for your friend now that people know about the abuse.

Finally, if all else fails, I suggest you coming forth yourself to tell someone. Mad or not, you're protecting her right to feel safe. I know you don't want to break her trust and confidence in you, but her life a lot more important. It's hard to pick between a relationship and a life, but right now it's her life at stake. You two can always try and repair a relationship. However, you can't do that if she's in the hospital or, god forbid, worse. If she won't listen to reason, then you should tell someone at school or your parents or someone that can get involved to help. Don't stay quiet. That's the worst thing you can do.

You are a great friend and I hope everything works out for all of you. Take care of yourself and remember we're all here for you to talk and vent to. We won't judge or anything. If you need anything, don't be shy. I'm more than willing to talk.

~Stay strong and have faith.

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lemon Offline
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Re: My friend is being abused... (May be triggering, I marked it as such to make sure) - April 7th 2009, 11:54 PM

Thank you so much for all the advice.

I feel a lot better now that I know what I should do. Thank you again!
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Re: My friend is being abused... (May be triggering, I marked it as such to make sure) - April 12th 2009, 07:09 PM

You are such a great friend for reaching out and getting help and advice on how to help your friend. I agree with everything Melissa said. You really need to find out more about the situation before taking action. I would let your friend know that you are there for her and that she has nothing to be ashamed about. Remind her that none of this is her fault and that she is only responsible for her own actions. She can't control other people's choices therefore she can't control wether someone abuses her. Because of that she is in no way responsible for what is going on. I would encourage her to speak to the guidance counselor at your school or even the police. It would be a good idea to volunteer to go with her to offer morale support. I am not sure of your location but many states have online abuse reporting services. You could also call a hotline found HERE and report the abuse over the phone. If your friend refuses to report it her self and then you need to take the matter into your own hands. You are not betraying your friend by doing this. You are helping her and doing what is best for her. You may want to talk to her about it before hand that way she doesn't get so angry or scared that she denies the abuse. However, it is up to you what you decide to do. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. I hope everything works out. Take care and stay strong.

Lots of love <3 Mimi

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friend is being abused... (May be triggering, I marked it as such to make sure) - April 14th 2009, 10:58 PM

you are such a good friend for caring and doing something about this. keep us posted. xx
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friend is being abused... (May be triggering, I marked it as such to make sure) - April 15th 2009, 02:04 AM

your a really good friend for wanting to help her out. im deff in the same situation your friend is in and i can competlty understand where she is coming from by her not wanting to tell anyone. she probably feels ashamed and scared if someone told cuz i kno thats how i feel. but your doing a good job being a friend and my best advice is to talk to her again and see wats happenin before u take major action. but i wish you the best of luck
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