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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy My StepDad - April 8th 2009, 07:11 PM

I may have posted this twice, I not sure. Very sorry if I did.

My friend told me this. I really want to help so I will post her story and any help would be nice.

My mum just married my new stepdad. He is a really nice guy. Well I thought he was.

We were shopping for a new school uniform for me. He tells me to go and get a hot chocolate for us and he will grab my uniform. (He pre-ordered it incase you wanted to know) So we sit down, chat, do normal dad-daughter things. When we got home I asked to see my uniform, just to check it was ok. He didn't order the uniform. He got a very short skirt, and a tight top the would reveal a lot and a tie and high heels. Like a costume for a porn film. I told him it wasn't mine.

He just said 'No you sexy thing it's right. Come on try it on' He never said anything like that before. I was scared, hoping it was a joke. So of corse I said no. He slapped me and said 'Go on bitch, put it on or I will hurt you'
He got out a knife and threatened me. So I put it on, I was embarassed. I looked like a prostitute. I tried to run. I looked awful, so he cut my leg. He told me to stay or he'd do worse. My leg wasn't bleeding that much, but it really hurt.

So I stayed, I had to. He kissed me. My first kiss. Not with a boy I loved, but my stepdad. He played around with me, feeling my breasts and body. I still had clothes on. Then he pulled his trousers down and told me to lick. I said no. I really didn't want to. So he hit me and cut my arm. He pulled my head towards it and forced me to.

He hit me and said 'You are so bloody hot *slap* You like that don't you *Slap* You little slut *slap*' He undressed me and licked and felt me. Finally he had sex with me. I was my first time so I didn't know how it was supposed to feel. But he really hurt me. I was very rough. I was bleeding by the end.

I told him I would tell when he had finished. He said if I did he would hurt me even more. I said I would still tell. So he cut me, deep this time along my breasts. I screemed, he spat on me and said I was a stupid little girl. I stayed crying for ages. Finally I went to my room and washed my cut. It was still bleeding badly. I tried to make a bandage. I stoped in the end, but I was feeling very faint, I'd lost a lot of blood. This was my stepdad. he had always been nice, funny, happy. I don't know how to look at him the same now.

That is my friends story. I've seen her cut, it is very bad. I think it may be infected. I don't want to tell her because she has enough to worry about, but I'm scared for her. I talk to her mum she said I was lying and shouldn't make up silly stories. I talked to her dad and he hit me and said 'If you were jelous you should have joined in' I'm scared. She now thinks she may be pregnant. She's 14. She'd never kissed a boy before. I've said she can stay with me but she says she wants to keep everything normal so no-one suspects anything.

I want to help her. She wants to carry on as normal. I think he did it again because in PE I saw new cuts. She hasn't told me yet and I don't want to pressure her. I was weeks before she told me about the first time, so I will give her time. I want to help her. Make sure she is safe. But I don't want to tell and lose her as a friend. I've told her I will do anything to help. Her grades are dropping in school. She very quiet and secretive now, she used to be so happy and full of life. I'm worried. Please I have to help her, save her.

XxBrokenSmilesxX


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Last edited by soul; April 9th 2009 at 07:42 PM. Reason: Added triggering to the title because of the nature of the post.
   
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Re: My StepDad - April 8th 2009, 07:41 PM

Hey there BrokenSmiles.

What you have just said is really horrific. You are being a really good friend by keeping her story, but if this is true, it is very serious.

There are few different routes you could take with the situation. But you need to tell someone.

Could you see a council worker at school? Or speak to a teacher you trust? Maybe even your own Parents/Guardians?

Another option you could take is to send what you have written here to a public service. For example in my area we have sex and abuse centre online where we can email helpers for advice.

I would say talk to the police, but I think for you it would be better for you to have an older adult representing you. You are being a good friends by helping to deal with the situation, but it is a big situation and I feel you need to have a supportive adult behind you.

Also please, please be careful for own saftey, this man doesnt sound very nice at all, so please make sure you are never put into a confrontation with him. ( I know it sounds obvious. But just be careful eh?!)

At the end of the day; the choice is yours about what you do, but the fact that you have come on here asking for help it shows me that you yourself want help to deal with the situation. You will make the right choice. You are a good friend.

Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you ever need anything
Hope this helped xxx
   
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Re: My StepDad - April 8th 2009, 10:34 PM

thank you for helping your friend out.
I know this is hard but your friend really needs to go to the police. I realize now some of the evidence will be gone, but she still has the cut. She needs to get out of that house- or he needs to get out of that house. now. I know its hard, but the best thing for her is going to be for her to get help from the police. she can even go to a hospital and someone there can get the police for her if she is too scared. of course her mother will know about it, but i would suggest getting help from outside before telling her mother. or she could try teling her beforehand, but i feel that could be more dangerious.
we're all here to help you and your friend. FIrst, though , she needs to get out of danger and into a safe place so she can start to heal from this.
   
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Re: My StepDad - April 9th 2009, 03:10 AM

Hey,

First off, it's really great you've posted here, it shows what a caring friend you must be and she's lucky to have someone like you looking out for her. No matter what her mum or her stepdad says, you both know what happened wasn't ok or acceptable. Even if her mum doesn't believe you and her stepdad threatens you, you can't give up or stop trying to help your friend because there're so many ways to make sure she's safe even if those ways aren't exactly clear right now.

The way I see it, right now you have a couple of options. The only difference between these options is who you go to first - in the end, the police will be involved and she'll be able to get away from her stepfather.

You could go to a teacher at your school first, or a school guidance counselor. You could go alone and tell them exactly what she told you, or go with her for moral support while she tells them and if she has trouble getting the words out, or if she needs someone to take over because she's feeling overwhelmed or for whatever reason - that's where you step in. The teacher will be required to file a report with the police and notify Child Protection Services immediately. Your friend will be brought to a hospital so the wounds can be treated and such. You could bring her directly to a hospital; they'd also be required to file a report. Or, the two of you could go to the police station and make the report first, and from there she'd probably be taken to a hospital, again, so her wounds can be treated and she can be tested for STDs etc.

Whether or not her mum believes her isn't an issue - there's enough evidence to prove she's not lying. First of all, the cuts. Deep cuts along her breasts would be extremely hard to explain away. At the hospital she'd also probably get a rape kit done. This site here has a really good explanation of what a rape kit is and what is involved in one, what kind of evidence is collected and such. Rape kits are best done no later than 96 hours after the assault occurred but there's a chance they might be able to find something anyway. It's something not to rule out. If she IS pregnant, at the hospital they'll be able to test her and possibly run a blood test to see who the father is, I'm not quite sure how soon a paternity test can be done but the results of that test will definitely be incriminating. DNA tests don't lie, her stepdad can't squirm out of that one.

No matter what happens - if she's upset with you for telling, well, which is worse? Losing her as a friend or the possibility this could keep occurring if you don't speak up for her? She might be afraid to reach out for help herself because he's threatened her, or because she's scared no one will believe her...there could be any number of reasons. Right now though, what she might need most is a push in the right direction and a friend to be there and support her when she's struggling.

Again, you're being such an amazing friend right now for helping her through this. Make sure you're taking care of YOU as well though - don't take too much on your plate at once because you won't be a help to anyone if you crash and burn from too much pressure, you know? Let me know anytime you want to talk about anything, take care of yourself. Hang in there, both of you.



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Re: My StepDad - April 9th 2009, 12:12 PM

Thanks you all so much for the support. She told me today that he stepdad has raped her again. I will talk with her about what is best to do. Thanks you all so much, this has really helped. I'll tell you all what happens. :-)


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Re: My StepDad - April 9th 2009, 07:26 PM

Please help! She just told me that her stapdad has just raped her little sister, who is 6. She didn't know what was happing so she asked my friend. She is 6 years old. I am so scared. If I'm scared I don't know how they're feeeling. She asked me not to tell, she begged. But I am.

Even if she hates me, I will know I've saved her. I'm going to the police but I don't know what to say. Do I go up to them and say 'My friends and her sister are being raped but their stepdad' I don't know. I really don't want to go alone. I'm scared, I know I shouldn't be but I am. I want someone with me, for support. It's the holidays here so I can't see and school counsiler. Please, Please help me. Thanks you so much for what you already done. It's helped more than you can imagine.


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Re: My StepDad - April 9th 2009, 11:17 PM

YES PLEASE GO TO THE POLICE!!!!
It will be the best thing- she will understand. But now she and her little sister are in danger, and the best way to help is going to get them out of the situation, and the best way will be go to the police.
Tell the police what you told us- tell them that your friend has been raped by him twice and now he raped the sister. They have to listen to you. Let us know what happens. My heart breaks for that little girl and your friend, she is lucky to have you as a friend.
   
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Re: My StepDad - April 10th 2009, 01:54 AM

You're really a good friend.. you're doing the right thing..

Yes, go to the police station ASAP. Tell them.. they'll listen for sure.

Tell 'em your friend and her little sister have been raped by their stepdad..

Don't be scared, follow through with this.. I feel bad for you and your friend and her little sister.
   
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Re: My StepDad - April 10th 2009, 02:36 AM

My God, you should do it! Yeah, she'll be mad but he needs to be put away for this, and you know what they do to rapists in prison.


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Re: My StepDad - April 11th 2009, 01:04 PM

Thanks for the help guys. I went to the poilce and they are questioning her stepdad now. It was scary but the policeman was very supportive and told me I did the right thing. My friends is in hospital now because of the cut, they say it will get better but it will be a while. Her mum was annoyed at me for calling the police until she realised I was telling the truth all along. She was really upset, I don't want her to feel bad. I' going to be really nervous around her now. How do I tell her it wasn't her fault and ask if things can stay normal between us? Her mum is getting a divorce iscase you wanted to know.

Another small problem my friends is refusing to talk to me. I want to make sure she is ok. I want to be friends, she obviously doesn't. I just wanted to help her. I don't want to lose her. Please how do I make her see I was only trying to help? Mabey I shouldn't have even gone to the police, her stepdad would have stopped and we'd be friends. I don't know I want her to stay friends. I need her back. Was I right to go to the police? Please help. Thank you so much for what you've already done. It has really helped.


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Re: My StepDad - April 11th 2009, 07:19 PM

Dearie, you did the RIGHT THING in telling the police a/b her stepdad's abuse. If you would have kept her secret of abuse, you would have been guilty of contributing to the abuse by keeping it secret--so says DR PHIL. I'm sure that your friend will forgive you over time of not keeping her secret. Tell her what Dr Phil said a/b keeping abuse secret & how bad it is to do that. By you NOT going to the police, the abuse would have kept on & her & her sister would have been even MORE abused---once abuse starts, it NEVER STOPS, until the pedophile is caught!!!! You DID THE RIGHT THING--you were a TRUE FRIEND for risking your friendship w/her for her & her sister's safety.


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Re: My StepDad - April 12th 2009, 09:39 PM

You did the right thing.
your friend will realize it someday- it may take awhile, and she may not talk to you alot. But you did the best thing a friend could do for her and her sister. Sometime she will realize this. When she realizes what you saved her from enduring even more, what you saved her sister from having to take more of- she will be thank ful one day.
be strong, you did an amazing thing!!!!!
   
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Re: My StepDad - April 14th 2009, 10:02 AM

Please help again, I know you mabey be getting bored with this but I still need help. My friends isn't telling the police what happened. The stepdad isn't admitting it and my friend is just saying the cuts were from falling off a bike. Please the poilce don't believe her but if she dosen't tell the truth they will let him go. I want to make her see that she has to tell the truth or find a way to prove what happened. Please after all I've done I don't want him to go home and hurt her, and she can't tell anyone now because she is not talking to me. Please! Thanks for what you have done.


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Re: My StepDad - April 14th 2009, 10:25 AM

Hi BrokenSmiles,
try to convince your friend to tell the truth. We really don't want to see her get hurt again, if they let her stepdad go. It could also mean that he would hurt her more for telling you and because you went to the police.
Try explaining this to her. If her stepdad's behind bars, then neither she nor he her family will get hurt any more. This really has to be done. If she hides everything away, she will be hurt forever. If things aren't sorted out now, who knows what else may happen to her??
I hope things turn out well!
I'll be praying!
Hugs for you both!
Natalie


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Re: My StepDad - April 16th 2009, 01:02 AM

Hey,

I've read through all of this and I think you're great for being there for your friend. This was probably hard for you. Unfortunately, she needs to be the one to come forth with the truth about her father. If it could be you, I'd suggest it, but it can't be. Try showing her the effects from abuse. Show her how bad it can get and what might happen if she goes on silent. Don't scare her, but it is reality and she needs to know how serious this is. Maybe show her stories of all the people who haven't been heard. She is lucky to be taken this seriously and should take her chance when it's given. Or, you might want to try showing her survival stories from reporting abuse. That might be more motivational. It's your choice though, you know her better than I do. Maybe you could even show her all of them. So she can see progression from the worst turning out good. :]


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Re: My StepDad - April 16th 2009, 03:25 AM

Could you try talking to the police yourself, and telling them she's not being entirely honest about what's going on and maybe go into the reasons you think she's not telling the truth? If you've seen the cuts yourself, try telling them that - tell them you don't believe there's any way the cuts could have been sustained from a bike fall because of both the location and severity of the cuts, plus, why would she have tried to hide such big cuts [especially if they're infected] if it was just a bike fall?

I don't know if there's any way they can do a rape kit on her if she's not willing but ask about that, if you can get a rape kit done I think there'll be more than enough proof there to show she's not being honest and neither is her stepfather.

All in all though, keep encouraging her to tell the police what's going on and if she won't talk to them herself, I think that's where you need to step in. No matter how angry she might get with you for telling, I do think she'll thank you one day in the future for getting her out of this situation. Keep being there for her as much as you can, support is the greatest thing she can have right now and a friend might be what she needs most.



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Re: My StepDad - April 16th 2009, 08:02 PM

hey broken smiles.... any updates? we're thinking about you, your friend and her sister! stay safe, ok?



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Re: My StepDad - April 16th 2009, 08:32 PM

Hi, my friends is going to come forward tommorrow but only if I'm with her too. So fingers crossed the police will allow it. Also she did turn out to be pregnant! They are running DNA tests tommorrow so it will be proved it's her stepdad. She isn't mad after I showed her stories (following advice from here) and she now knows I just did what was best. Thank you all so much. My friends and sister thanks you to for all being there and showing you care. Thanks. Best wishes to you all

XxBrokenSmilesxX


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Re: My StepDad - April 18th 2009, 12:28 AM

how'd it go? did she talk to them today? I'm glad she's not mad any more, she'll need a good friend like you with not only having to deal with the rape, but now the pregnancy.

<3



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Re: My StepDad - April 18th 2009, 09:53 AM

Hey BrokenSmiles!
That sounds really good!! I hope things go off really well!!!!
Best of luck to you!
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Re: My StepDad - April 21st 2009, 05:08 PM

Hi, an update for you guys. She told the police and her stepdad is now in jail. So she is happy again. She is a bit nervous going back to school because we were told in assembery that her dad went away and not to mention it when she comes back. Only me know what happened but I'm not going to tell obviousaly.
My friend is 16 and decided to keep the baby. Her mum is going to raise it while she finishes school and university. After that she will keep it. She was nervous but is excited now. If you want to know whats happening leave me a comment or just ask here. I will put up updates when you ask or if something interesting happens or whenever. :-) Thanks to you all!


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Re: My StepDad - April 21st 2009, 05:52 PM

I'm so glad it all worked out!! thats wonderful that she's excited about the baby, and that she'll still be able to go to uni and all. you have been such a good friend to her! if you hadn't done what you did, think about how different things would be.



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Re: My StepDad - April 21st 2009, 07:14 PM

i'm glad everything worked out, though i think the stepdad sucks like hell. but i'm glad he's in jail and your friend is happy again.
   
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Re: My StepDad - April 21st 2009, 11:15 PM

Thats amazing!!!! Thats great to hear. I'm glad she kept the baby.. Another 3 lives saved.
=)


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Re: My StepDad - April 22nd 2009, 01:10 AM

thank you for helping your friend!!
i hope she and her sister will also get some therapy to help them.
   
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Re: My StepDad - April 29th 2009, 04:19 PM

Hi guys another update. It turns out she is 3 months along! She never told anyone , but her stepdad raped her 3 months ago but she didn't tell anyone because she thought he would stop. She is going for her first ultarsound today. I'm going with her. She is really excited. She wants it to be a baby girl, but is still thinking of names. If you have any ideas please tell us, boy or girl?

Now her stepdad is a jail and things have calmed down she is a bit annoyed she decided to keep the baby. I think there may be more to it than that but she hasn't said anything yet. But her mum will still look after the baby and is supportive. She is staying with me now because there are still lots of policemen in and out questioning her mum. I think they think she may have had something to do with it. The police say her and her sister have to stay with me or a foster parent while they clear things up.

Thanks so much again,

Kate (me), Elise (My friend) and Izzy (her sister)


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Anna Skye Offline
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Re: My StepDad - April 29th 2009, 07:41 PM

Kate, Elise, And Izzy,

That's wonderful - congratulations! You are a true example of how miracles can come out of even the worst situations You're all so strong and brave to endure all of this and still be kind and lovely people.

That being said, here are my top five boys' and girls' names, since you requested them

FOR BOYS:
-Adam
-Connor
-Matthew
-Jude
-Paul

FOR GIRLS:
-Bella
-Layla
-Dahlia
-Sasha
-Greene

peace and love
Anna


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Re: My StepDad - April 29th 2009, 11:05 PM

Kate, I'm so glad to hear everything is working out. I wish all three of you the best of luck and I hope all goes well with the baby.

Since the original problem seems to have been solved, I'm going to go ahead and close this. If anyone disagrees / wants it reopened, drop me a PM.



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