TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
star_crossd Offline
Color Me Chaotic
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
star_crossd's Avatar
 
Name: Sam
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: AZ

Posts: 770
Blog Entries: 12
Join Date: January 15th 2009

Question Not sure what happened there... - May 15th 2009, 05:49 AM

So a little bit of background:
When I was really young, like 3 or 4, it was just my mom and me and we were on welfare (though at the time I didn't know it). We used to live with this one guy, I think his name was Joe. He was older, like 50-60's maybe, not quite sure, I was really young and faces and ages just blur together. At the time I always thought he was just a friend of my mom's and that was why we lived there. If only things were that innocent.

I recently found out from my mom that it was not just a case of a friend helping another friend out and that she was forced to do some things in order to stay there. She told me that she'd tell me about it when I was older but its kind of one of those things you can figure out for yourself. When I think back to those days when we lived there, I start to remember things that, as a child, didn't really register to me but as a teenager, I realize how grossly inappropriate they really were.

Joe used to take baths with me when we lived there. Of course, at the time, it didn't bother me. But I distinctly remember...touching him. With a child's innocence maybe, but he was an adult, HE certainly knew better and now when I think about it, it disgusts me tremendously. I don't remember if he ever touched me in any way but every time I think back to it, I feel nausea and a headache and I just want to shake my head and make the image go away.

Sometimes I wonder if this is part of the reason I have an aversion to being touched by the opposite sex. I mean, I know I'm attracted to guys but I don't like being close to them for any extended period of time. It even makes me uncomfortable sometimes when I'm in the kitchen alone with my dad. It makes me so angry; I shouldn't have to feel that way.

But can that incident even be blamed, since I was so young and I can't even remember everything?


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


Music is life. Start living.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
TheNumber42 Offline
Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
 
TheNumber42's Avatar
 
Name: Cody
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 2,145
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Not sure what happened there... - May 15th 2009, 06:29 AM

Hey Sam, I'm really sorry that happened to you. That's really just horrible.

I certainly think that such a terrible, traumatic incident when you were younger could cause more problems for you later in life. Even if you don't remember it particularly well, I'm sure the memories are still there in your subconscious affecting you. I mean, I don't know your whole life story, so there may be other reasons for your aversion to guys, even ones who you know are safe like your dad. But, overall, I think that/these incidents can be blamed for alot of your troubles.

Just remember, none of this was your fault. It's not fair what he did to you, it's despicable, but you can't change that now. Just be aware of this and try to use that knowledge to help make yourself more comfortable around guys and to get past this, I know you can.

*hug* PM me anytime if you need anything. I'm always happy to help in any way I can


~Cody

Normal User
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
star_crossd Offline
Color Me Chaotic
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
star_crossd's Avatar
 
Name: Sam
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: AZ

Posts: 770
Blog Entries: 12
Join Date: January 15th 2009

Re: Not sure what happened there... - May 15th 2009, 06:33 AM

Hey thanks, Cody. I dont feel guilty because, I mean, I was friggin 4, but I feel like it shouldnt affect because it doesnt feel significant to me or anything. I mean, I know people go through a lot worse things than that. It just...makes me feel gross and I have to force myself to think about something else because it hurts my head. :/

I kinda talked to my mom about it once but I didnt really tell her the whole story. Its hard for me to talk to my parents about personal stuff so I keep it to myself. Even if I did, what could they do?


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


Music is life. Start living.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
TheNumber42 Offline
Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
 
TheNumber42's Avatar
 
Name: Cody
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 2,145
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Not sure what happened there... - May 15th 2009, 06:41 AM

Well, it's great that you understand it wasn't your fault. I understand why it bothers for this to have such an affect on you. It seems like a faded memory. But I think that what it has done to your sub-conscious is the real problem. Basically, you were taught at a very early age to fear guys, consciously or not. But I do think this knowledge can help. You can use it to get past this realizing that, while it has a reasonable basis, your uncomfort around men is based off of the actions of one sick f***, not the whole group.

I know how hard it is to talk to your parents. I don't know what they could do honestly. I think having someone to support you through this could be good, and possibly a professional that knows how to properly deal with this sort of thing. I mean, really, it's almost like a type of PTSD or something, so I really think you need to seek help for it.


~Cody

Normal User
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
star_crossd Offline
Color Me Chaotic
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
star_crossd's Avatar
 
Name: Sam
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: AZ

Posts: 770
Blog Entries: 12
Join Date: January 15th 2009

Re: Not sure what happened there... - May 15th 2009, 06:47 AM

Yeah, i would really hate to feel this way around every guy I know just because of him and I really would like to get around it.

I'm kind of wary of bringing so-called professionals into it though. These last few months, I've been to several therapists and the general consensus I got was that they're all in it for the insurance And I'm loathe to ask for more help from my parents aka: costing them even more. I really hate this. I had a plan for this year (my soph year) to have more guy friends so I could become more comfortable around them but....somehow time slipped by and now, theres only a week left of school.

I'm considering making a support group for my area but...I'm apprehensive about it.


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


Music is life. Start living.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
TheNumber42 Offline
Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
 
TheNumber42's Avatar
 
Name: Cody
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 2,145
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Not sure what happened there... - May 15th 2009, 11:37 PM

Well, trying to have more guy friends is a good idea, don't feel bad you didn't get around to it, I know how easy it is to make plans that you never get around to doing. That's pretty much a succinct description of my life :P

I think the idea of starting a support group is amazing. I mean, you could get help and support from people going through similar things and you'd probably be able to make some guy friends because of it. Plus, it could help other people with their problems too. So, if you really think you want to do this, I say go for it! What about it worries you?

If you ever need to talk about anything, don't hesitate to PM me or ask for my Yahoo (which I am pretty much always on :P). And if you do decide to set up the support group, let me know if there's anything I can do to help (even though it's long distance, I'd love to help in some way ).


~Cody

Normal User
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
star_crossd Offline
Color Me Chaotic
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
star_crossd's Avatar
 
Name: Sam
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: AZ

Posts: 770
Blog Entries: 12
Join Date: January 15th 2009

Re: Not sure what happened there... - May 16th 2009, 12:26 AM

Haha, thanks Cody.

Well, I'm not sure that the group would work, considering how my family is. It's hard to explain but they would frown on that, for several reasons. One, "how do you know who these people are, they could be truly crazy/rapists/weirdos, etc..." My parents are, how to say, cautious of people, borderline distrustful. They work in at a prison; guess thats understandable.

But also, they'd think it was weird in general. I dunno how to explain it. We're a family who doesnt interact with others very much, we keep to ourselves a lot. We keep things inside; its all very low-bullshit around my house. They would think something like a support group for people with problems (initiated by their own daughter) is just....weird.

I dunno if that made sense at all, sorry


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


Music is life. Start living.
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
TheNumber42 Offline
Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
 
TheNumber42's Avatar
 
Name: Cody
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 2,145
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Not sure what happened there... - May 16th 2009, 01:39 AM

No, that made sense. I actually really understand. It's only within the last few months my mom has started to quit being so protective of me and given me more freedoms (well, some of them I had already gotten on my own, but she gave them to me officially :P). I think maybe if you let them sit in on it so they could see how things went and stuff, if everyone there was comfortable with it.

I understand that part too. My family has really never been very open, actually, until I tried talking to my mom about a month ago, I'd never really ever talked about that kind of thing. She actually referred to some of my friends as 'dark and disturbed' which made me apprehensive to talk to her, but she actually understood alot better than I thought she would. Maybe your parents will too if you bring it up sensibly and make it clear you really think it could help.

Of course, don't go to the trouble if you don't honestly think it will help much.


~Cody

Normal User
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
star_crossd Offline
Color Me Chaotic
Senior TeenHelper
*******
 
star_crossd's Avatar
 
Name: Sam
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: AZ

Posts: 770
Blog Entries: 12
Join Date: January 15th 2009

Re: Not sure what happened there... - May 16th 2009, 02:42 AM

Yeah, I dont think theres much I can do in talking to them about it, unfortunately

But maybe I could still post signs or something around my neighborhood, and if someone needed to talk to somebody, we could meet at the park or something like that. I just think it would help me somehow if I could talk to someone about these things face to face rather than having to always come on TH. I love this place, of course, but...my verbal communication skills need work.


Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.


Music is life. Start living.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
TheNumber42 Offline
Dolan
I can't get enough
*********
 
TheNumber42's Avatar
 
Name: Cody
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Location: USA

Posts: 2,145
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Not sure what happened there... - May 16th 2009, 03:58 AM

Yea, I understand what you mean. It helps to talk to somebody on here, but nothing can beat actually talking to somebody. There's always something like Skype or whatever if you can't find anyone locally. Granted, not quite the same, but better than typing

Good luck! Let me know how everything goes!


~Cody

Normal User
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
happened

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.