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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Jays Offline
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Almost a Year. - February 17th 2016, 10:10 PM

Its almost been a year since the rape....., and I feel like everyday that comes is just getting harder to handle. I feel like he could pop out of nowhere and do it again. I think about it a lot and it sends me in to mental break downs and panic attacks. I have been having them daily lately. I just do not know how to handle that its almost a year. Yeah its a couple months away, I thought i was okay, but I am not. I do not know what to do. Anyone please help.
   
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Re: Almost a Year. - February 18th 2016, 09:55 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you were raped. After such a traumatic and violating event, it's normal to find reminders of the event (such as the fact it's coming up to a year) difficult.

Are you in therapy? It seems like this is affecting you on a daily basis, and quite badly with panic attacks and anxiety. Talking to a counsellor can really help you to explore all your feelings towards the rape, and work on ways to manage your anxiety better.

It might also help to talk to someone you trust. Have you told anyone that you were raped? If you have, let them know how you are feeling at this difficult time. You could also write down your feelings. Find healthy ways to express your emotions rather than bottling them up.

When you feel a panic attack coming on, try to do some breathing exercises (many can be found online) to help calm you down. Remind yourself that you are safe now, and you are not in danger. Do you have anything that you find comforting? Holding a soft toy, stroking a pet, and wrapping yourself in a blanket, can be good ways of comforting yourself and helping you to realise that you are safe.

If the particular date triggers you, allow yourself to have time on that date to explore your feelings. It's ok to cry, or listen to music that reflects your feelings. It might also help to think of people you can talk to on that day too. And maybe plan something positive and relaxing for yourself, to help take your mind off things.

Hope this helps a bit. Take care


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Re: Almost a Year. - February 18th 2016, 11:27 PM

It's normal to have that paranoia after being raped. I don't struggle with it nearly as much as I used to, but can be terrifying sometimes. I think you should do things to keep yourself comfortable when you're feeling like he'll come out of nowhere and harm you again. Something I recently took note of is that I feel safer when I am covered in a robe, jacket, or blanket, so I try to keep myself wrapped up and I'll leave the lights on too. For a while I left the TV on for background noise, but now I use a soothing noise maker. Try to find things that help put that paranoia at ease and then stick to them once you find them.

I like Holly's suggestion of doing some research on breathing exercises. There are a few where you count while breathing deeply, hold it for a few seconds, and then count while releasing the breath. You can also lie down and watch your stomach rise and fall as that is helpful for some people. Anxiety can change your breathing without you realizing so it's really important to focus on that because breathing can make all the difference in how much anxiety you have.

And, like Holly said, if the date is something that is troubling you, allow yourself to feel what you're feeling but consider making plans to keep yourself busy. Maybe see a movie, go shopping with a friend, or do some work around the house. Keeping busy can help keep the thoughts away.

Hang in there.


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Re: Almost a Year. - February 20th 2016, 03:34 PM

I really thought that I was okay. But I have not been able to sleep lately. Its February and the incident happened in May. I do not know why I am so stressed out about it. I cannot get therapy because my insurance is messed up. I feel like the world is once again getting swept out from underneath me.
   
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Re: Almost a Year. - February 20th 2016, 08:49 PM

Hey there.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through and what you are going through but I'm also really glad you've been able to come here and reach out for some help.

You say you don't know why you're getting stressed out about it but honestly? I think it's a big deal for you. It's something big and unfortunate that happened in your life and dates can really hit us hard with a lot of things so this is understandable. Try doing the things you suggested. When I'm struggling with urges, hallucinations etc, I also wrap myself up in a blanket because it makes me feel more safe. I also know someone with autism who can get in such a state but she has something called a weighted blanket that you can buy and it helps her tons. So little things like this might really help.

In the meantime know that we're here to listen to you and to continue supporting you over the next few months. We understand that this is a hard time for you and we'll do what we can to help you through this. Just believe in yourself and keep fighting. You're worth so much more than this. And I'm rooting for you. Is there any charities around you that provide free counselling? Maybe it's something worth looking into.

Keep your chin up and don't be alone.
Hope and wishes,
Jessie


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Re: Almost a Year. - March 6th 2016, 01:24 AM

I just want to rant:

My mom has stop saying that he is going to come over and I hope he doesnt ever come over again. My grades are slipping because I cannot pay attention in classes, I was going to try and speak about it more, but I ended up going in to a panic attack, it was one of the worse ones, and I was home alone and my muscles tensed up. After about 45 minutes of that I stopped. But I just cannot do anything lately with out something triggering it. I want to just hide constantly. I have been crying alot more lately, I guess thats because i didnt really cry before. I kinda just wanted to pretend it didnt happen.. now its feels like its constantly floating in my mind. I am really running out of options for what to do. In a way I wish I could end everything and not have to worry about it. If only. Sorry for the long rant I just felt like i needed to get that out.
   
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Re: Almost a Year. - March 8th 2016, 08:46 PM

I'm glad you got that off your chest, I hope that in itself helped.

Does anything help you when you have panic attacks? Maybe you can focus on your breathing, or even pace around the house (or your bedroom) to keep yourself moving. You can try breathing into a brown paper bag to circulate the air as well. Panic attacks are really intense, but they can definitely become easier to cope with if you find things that help them and use them whenever you can.

There's nothing wrong with crying, it's a healthy outlet and I know it can be exhausting sometimes but it'll help you get a lot out. It seems like you have some extra built up emotion since you weren't able to cry much before now. Let yourself cry if you feel like it.

It can be tempting to keep pushing it away, but try not to. Pretending it didn't happen can make it harder for you to accept things later on. Remind yourself that something did happen to you, but you're safe now; you're in the present and you're going to get through this.


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The mountains are calling and I must go.
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Move the body, quiet the mind
   
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